Thanks I’ll have a look
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Organisations such as Cruse have meetings where people in similar situations meet together. I’ve not been to one as I find this forum currently works for me. Maybe give that a try?
I rang cruse twice, but personally I don’t think it helped, being on here helps me when im struggling and at my lowest.
Thank you.
Cruse was not helpful for me either , I think you need to have gone through it yourself to understand , I’m in mid wales so rural and not much support and I moved to be with a new partner, and only lasted 6 months , so don’t know anyone round here
Hi.again.thanks for your response…it is hard…for everybody going thru this…it took so much courage for my wife tongo thru with the heart op.only8 people per year are accepted for this op at papworth.and they did an amazing job and we made plans together which never happened due to the sepsis getting hold of her…the anxiety i feel now…is totally unlike anything iv ever felt…i know im not alone in this.but knowing im never going to get that phone call…never coming home to her being ther… is something really hard to face
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I’m sorry @Eddie777, I’m really sorry you’ve found yourself here with the rest of us. Even worse, I can’t offer you any way to handle what you’re feeling at the moment because nothing is really working for me either… other than getting through it 5 minutes at a time. Anything else is overwhelming.
If, sadly, you’re as similar to me as you sound, you’ll struggle to see any way forward, nor even want to, but you will. Eventually. The alternative is to lock yourself into grief and loneliness. We might not feel we’ve got the strength our beloved wives clearly had but we owe it to them to fight on.
Being on here is, at least, a start. Good luck finding your way forward.
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Yep…just trying to get thru each day…walking the dogs is sometimes the only thing to get me out of the house as iv not returned to work yet…and even tho i really do appreciate the kids (all 30+years old)calling round with gkids too.they obviously have their own lives and work going on…its more wen they leave and you lock that door then it really hits…iv joined a local bereavement group.but they only meet once a month and next meeting is in march.so see what that brings…im not expecting it to be easy…someone told me…the weight we carry never gets any lighter or easier but we get stronger to carry it…my heart is with you all
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I know exactly how you feel, lost my lovely wife nearly 3 months ago now due to a very quick and aggressive cancer.
The dark nights are very long and I cry when I get home to my empty house, all my hopes and dreams are shattered . I am 63 and she was only 57 and in 4 years we were going to go to her birthplace Lusaka in Zambia , 6 months in uk and six months there , we even built a home there and it was finished 6 weeks before she died , I am still in zombie mode and I still feel she will come home , I am absolutely devestated.
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Sgtbilko
Really feel for your loss especially having been so close to all you had planned.
Life has a real nasty way of hurting all of us
at times, hope you can find the strength in moving forward i’m sure our loved one’s would want that.
Take care 
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My beautiful Hazel died on Christmas Eve, 6 weeks ago. She’d been feeling ill for some weeks and went into hospital on 15th December. She had liver disease but developed double pneumonia. She ended up CCU on a ventilator and 5 antibiotics, but her heart failed and died in my arms about 03:15.
I’ve known her 44 years and loved her 43 of them. We were a couple 39 years and she moved in to my house almost 38 years ago. 
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Its truly heartbreaking reading all your msgs…i feel its actually harder right now.after xmas/new year…coz ther was another focus then…with having quite a large family…and now they seem to have all moved fwd…we wer married for almost 25yrs.together for 30years…everything we now do is a first…and also a trigger…from simple things like shopping…eating…watching something on tv.the anxiety i feel.like i know we all do…is unbearable.and can hit like a ton of bricks without warning.anytime anywer…i know we are all going thru the same…and its not easy…people ask how im doing and i now just reply…i dont know…it all comes back to wen u lock the door close the blinds and then think…now what?..take care all.x
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Tuesday i went to Lytham St Anne’s, where lived for 23 years before moving to Preston (so Hazel could be closer to her Dad!!).
My son and I went for a pint in a favourite bar of Hazel and I. Her echo is still there as it is whilst walking round Preston. I can’t avoid and those echoes are all lovely memories of our time together.
I can only think to learn to deal with it somehow,so i can remember:tired_face:
I also find these messages heartbreaking but at the same time comforting that what I’m feeling seems to be normal. I’m going through exactly the same emotions. My wife and I got together when we were both teenagers and had been together for 48 years and married for 42. We went everywhere together and were very happy until she got a chest infection just before Christmas which lead to ICU and many complications. She died in January. Because we were together so long and shared so many things, everything I do and everywhere I go now is a trigger. I can’t listen to music and worst of all seeing my grandson sets me off because I know how much my wife loved him and she’s missing out. I am looking for support groups (not counselling) to meet people going through the same thing. It does seem many of them are mainly female dominated but that will be entirely due to women being in general more able to open up to each other.
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The looking back part is hard not to we were here, we were there, i’m stuck in limbo trying to think a way forward been in contact today with Cruse for a one on one meeting which could be about six weeks off. I know people who have used them,one being my wife who went to them when she lost her first husband in the nineties. Said they really helped being not known to her.
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My wife had counselling when our eldest son died 12 years ago. Although she was often in tears when I picked her up from a session she said it helped. I never fancied it but then I had her for support.
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Wow Phil668
That sounds so much like my Jacquie. She went into hospital on the 15th December, she too had a liver disease, and ended up on a ventilator, with pnemonia. On 6th January, we were told that her other organs were failing, and i had to make the decision to let her go, which utterly broke my heart. We had been together 22 years almost to the day but had known her for somd time prior to that.
I never, for one minute, believed i would lose her, and was totally unprepared for it. I am still in complete shock i think.
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We were the same, and never thought she’d die so quickly. I’m devastated and feel desolate without her.
I had 5 heart attacks in 2020, died 3 times and had to be brought back. Open heart surgery on my 44th birthday! I suffer from ptsd and in 2022 my wife (41) had a bleed on the brain and sadly passed away two weeks later. Her organs saved 2 20 year old men, and our girls were 14 and 2 and the time. I struggle coping but got to keep on for the sake of the girls. I know when they go out together to college and school i try to keep busy but i dont seem to have an end game now, all our plans of growing old together are gone. I keep photos of my wife everywhere and my now five year old loves watching videos of her mum playing with her. I dont want her to forget her mum, but it hurts my heart so much to hear her voice. I wasnt in walton when they turned off the machine to take her organs, her mum and dad were, my eldest was too upset to be left with family. You never get over it but adapt you will.