Tv programmes we watched and videos i can agree with. Music ok even seem to hear ones we liked on radio often when I’ve got in the car or in shops. I’m sure she has arranged it.
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Its be17 months onthe 12 of February and i mis paul every minute of every dat we were together from when i was 15 we married at when i w
as 17 and ard first daughter x were married for 43 years with a few
Hiccups on the way . I love him and always will. I miss him so much there a void in my lif i cannont fill . It no easy to meet people and go out you dont know who to trust
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Sjr…it really is tough…valentines stuff everywer doesnt help…wudv been 25th wedding anniversary end of this month too…so not looking fwd to that1…im looking into all sorts of things just to get out of the house.bereavement group.but theres a waiting list for that.spiritualist church.meditation group aswell…not that i want to.but sometimes in an evening most times in an evening im just lost…the anxiety starts the tears flow and just hope sleep soon follows.just to wake up and go thru it all again…i can go for days without having a real conversation with anyone.and as we wer together for30years and did everything together a social circle doesnt exist…
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I go to Andysmanclub on a monday evening. My wife wanted me to go with my ptsd, and after she passed I decided to give it a go. Helped me just getting out, having 3 hours of ‘grown up time’, made loads of friends, helped people and was made a facilitator rather quickly. Look forward to it every week. Worth having a look if theres one local to you my friend!
@Judge17 I have never heard of this, but what a fantastic idea.
I will definitely spread the word amongst my male colleagues and friends.
Best,
Helen
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I feel as if I’m in a similar situation. Our wedding anniversary is 12th February so I don’t know how I will handle that. Like you my wife was all I needed and while she was involved in several things and had a wide network of female friends, I don’t. As has been suggested I might try andysmansclub and that might lead to other activities. Maybe you could if you fancy it.
It’s a hard month for me too. Today is 40 years since our first date, Valentines day on Friday, three days ago was the anniversary of a very good work friend, and Mary’s best friend’s anniversary and birthday (which was also 40 years ago and we both remembered every year) are both next week.
Yes, 14th Feb would have been our 38th anniversary of moving in together. I’m dreading it.
Shops are full of it and I’m so jealous that people can still celebrate it.
One day i will remember it but it’s a "first and it’s going to hurt. 
Hi Phil668
A tough week for me too. On 12th is the Anniversary of my Jacquie’s daughter’s death. She would have been 34, so i will be going to the cemetery, as we usually do, to decorate her grave. On 13th is Jacquie’s funeral, which i know is going to be a terrible day, and Valentines Day markscexactly 2 months since she kast slept at home.
I know that i will cope, sonehow, but i know how hard it is going to be.
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I suffered a similar situation. We had both retired and was enjoying life to the fullest with our new freedom. Some Great holidays and a bucket list adventure to Australia… Then came COVID with it’s lockdown and an end to travelling . My wife got Cancer during Covid and the last four years have been endless days in and out of hospital for checks and treatment . The end came suddenly out of the blue and put an end to our plans for travelling together again in the future. I feel robbed of the happy times we should have had together now all I have is loneliness and broken dreams.
It’s a cruel world. Until you are here you don’t realize the misery you have to go through.
These long dull cold days don’t help.
Looking forward to Spring , let’s hope that gives us all the hope and strength to carry on .
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Yes, know that story very well I’m afraid. Won’t complain about the weather etc though - it gives me an excuse to stay inside and avoid life.
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Yes, Jacrobthorn, It will be tough today, but I found that day was the day I started to move forward. Albeit some really bad days did follow. It hadn’t seemed real until then. And believe it or not you can have a ‘good’ funeral, as we did.
Take care
Nigel xxx
Ho guys…hope everyone is doing ok…not been on for a while lost the thread somehow…doing ok os just a thing i think we say to pacify people who dont really want to know exactly how youre doing…countdown to the anniversary now…wudv been 25 yrs married next week…we had plannned a cruise…i would literally just be happy to live in a shoebox just to have her back
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Hi Eddie, I’m 14 weeks down the line on Sunday and had to cope with the 40th anniversary of our first date in February, I know that’s not a wedding anniversary but it was always our special day. It was more important to us than our wedding on the day of the Hillsborough disaster as that rather affected that day.
I now don’t say I’m ok - i tell them exactly how I am and if they don’t like it - tough.
I am in France until tomorrow and last week had lunch with my next door neighbours. They never asked me how I was or even mentioned Mary until I did. So nice and thoughtful. The same thing happened at a restaurant last night. The owners are also neighbours and when I walked in all they did was put a glass of pastis in my hand and took me to a really private table. They lost their son in a motorcycle accident a few years ago so do have some grief experience. So thoughtful of them too, as I was in tears so many times during my meal. First time out to a restaurant on my own! It was hard but I needed to do it to get my life back a bit.
Take care. Nigel
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Nigel
Your post struck a chord with me. My wife missed her 64th birthday in January as she was in an induced coma on a ventilator. She died at the end of January so missed our 42nd wedding anniversary. Her funeral is Tuesday and our anniversary of our first date 48 years ago comes up in March.
We also have a house in France and I have great respect for you being able to go over. I genuinely don’t think I will be able to do the same and once the Notaire has put it in my sole name I may sell it. It just won’t be the same without her. My neighbour has offered to look after me if I go but the thought of going out for a meal on my own scares me.
Numb 1. I’m so sorry about the death of your wife. I found I couldn’t function at all until after the funeral. Maybe you’ll find something similar?
It’s certainly not been an easy two weeks here, trying to do some diy, cooking and all the other things two people do, but my family all love coming here for holidays too. I’ve one daughter and her family staying here with me in August whilst another is staying in a B&B at the same time. Then they go to Agde with more of my family and friends, so I’ll go to them for a few days, and see some friends in Perpignan during that time.
I know my wife would have ended up selling this house here - we’d discussed it several times. I’ve stayed here many times on my own over the years, due to my wife’s church commitments so I suppose I’m not as unused to being alone as might often be the case. The worst part has been packing all her sewing gear, personal things, clothes etc to travel home tomorrow. Today has been the worst day for a long time, but she knew I’d come back and I won’t let the sadness beat me. That’s also why I went out for dinner. If I hadn’t done it now I probably never would have been able to face it. My next goal is to go to one of our favourite restaurants alone, where they don’t know my wife has died. I know I’m really pushing myself, but have to, for the sake of my sanity and future. I know I can do this, despite the initial heartache, and I will do it! But I also know it won’t be easy and it’s not something everyone can or will be able to do.
I really wish you all the best, and that you have a ‘good’ funeral. That is possible - Mary’s was just such one, with everything going as planned. Hard - of course - but good? Yes!
Nigel
Thanks Nigel.
I had always said to my wife that if anything happened to her I wouldn’t want to go back. However, things move slowly in France so maybe I will change my mind once my head starts to clear presuming it will at some point.
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Nigel…and all…i totally get the personal anniversary…we had them…the first of pretty much everything…that was my wifes thing…making things an actual thing…now thats gonna be my thing.i will never forget.no matter how hard…it is the little things that meant so much but dont realise quite how much until ur on your own thinking about it
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