Losing my wonderful husband

Hi there, ive just joined today, I lost my husband suddenly and unexpectedly on the 2nd of February this year, it was horrific, it was 2am and he woke up short of breath, I said I was calling 999 then he fell back and started choking, he then stopped breathing, the lady on the phone told me to get him.on the floor so my son and I struggled to get him off the bed and onto the floor, I was screaming for help, I was told to give him chest compressions which I done right up until the paramedics got here it felt like a million years but was only really about 7 or 8 minutes, ill never forget the look on his face as I left him with the paramedics, he didn’t come back, they worked on him for over an hour but he was gone, my world has stopped turning, im just existing now, I cant live without him, he was 47 and im 43, we were together for 25 years and have 19 year old son, I dont know how to live without him :broken_heart::broken_heart::broken_heart::broken_heart::broken_heart:

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Hello Leanne, I am so sorry, nothing I can say is going to take away that pain you and your son went through that night. We are all for you, be kind to yourself and take one step at a time.
Sending love and hugs to you and your son.
Debbie X

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I am so sorry but know the feeling all too well. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up when I read your story. It’s the same as mine other than my H lasted a month and then it was found he had no brain function. I held his hand for five hours until he passed. I was only allowed to see him three times in that month. It’s heartbreaking. My brain refused to come to terms with what happened. I felt detached from everything and just thought what’s the point. Why bother. I cried for a whole year and just fell apart. A year on I miss him like it was yesterday. I wished I had gone with him. I felt my security and control just vanished in that moment. I still cry but feel more in control. My heart is broken. There is always the underlying sadness and an ache in my heart. I am learning to live with my grief. It is so so hard. I just never for one moment considered the idea that my husband would die. You are early on in your loss. Keep texting the forum. It was my saviour x

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Oh Leanne I could have wrote this. My husband had a cardiac arrest in bed beside me. I was also told to get him on the floor but I couldn’t I was on my own and couldn’t move him. I did CPR till the paramedics arrived when they took over. He never regained consciousness. I held his hand till he heart stopped all the time taking to him. I hope he could hear me when I promised I would always love
him and our sons and grandchildren would never forget him. It’s been one whole year now and it seems like yesterday. I have good and bad days now but I fear I will never be the same person I was before. All I can do is tell you that I know exactly how you are feeling and my heart goes out to you. Please keep talking on this forum if nothing else it shows there are other people experiencing the same heartache as you.

Much love :heart:
Georgina

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Hi Leanne, like others have said here, I also list my soulmate from a sudden heart attack, 18 months ago. In a matter of minutes he was gone, we found him lying on the bathroom floor, I just started screaming, calling my son to come quickly,my daughter tried doing CPR while waiting for the ambulance. They did arrive quickly, tried their best to revive him,but wehad lost him forever. . I keep hearing in my head my daughter crying and shouting “dad dad” and my son so shocked, an expression of utter disbelief on his face, shouting at his dad “come on, dad, you’re joking, aren’t you?”.
We’d been married 25 years too, 3months earlier it had been our silver wedding anniversary. Still can’t believe it’s true, feels like yesterday, so sudden and unexpected, never had any health problems. I understand the pain you’re going through, and so prematurely too.
I 've just recently joined here and I find it’s a great community, a safe place where we can share our grief with others who truly understand because they’re going through the same desperation.
Take care

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Hello Solost :wave:
When you lose your loved ones the way we have you feel like you’re the only one in the world feeling this pain and this place proves we’re not. My son also cried “come on dad” each time the defibrillator was used. The paramedics fought like lions to keep him alive but it was all in vain. Because they tried to revive him on the bedroom floor with so many lines put into him he took days to remove his blood from the carpet. My boys were keen just to rip it up but I said no and I cleaned it till it was all removed. Silly I know but I felt it was my job. Those hours in the early morning will stay with me forever and I go through every minute over and over again thinking there was something else I could have done. Both my own doctor and the coroner assured me he would have been in no pain and he never suffered. Oh boy but how we are suffering now after such a shock.
I am now living each day as it comes ; no great plans in place just go with the flow. Focusing on my sons and their families help me move forward and the friends I have are just great and so supportive. I would have crumbled without them.

Much love
Georgina

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Exactly the same for me, some days I struggle to even leave the house as i feel like I’m leaving my husband lying on the bedroom floor all by himself, I still untuck his side of the bed at night so he can get in then pull the covers up to where he liked them and tell him good night and that I love him, oh how I wish I could hear him say it back again. I still make sure the toilet seat is down when I have a bath as he used to come and sit and chat to me when I was in the bath, I still record all the programmes he liked to watch on TV, I still cook enough food for the 3 of us and end up having to put food out or freeze it for another day, even trying to food shop now is horrible as there are things I used to buy just for him but can’t buy now, no one else understands the daily, sometimes hourly struggles of our grief, I will never get over this

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I don’t think we’ll ever get over such a loss Leanne we’ll just learn to live with it. I do similar as you,
Say goodnight and “it’s me” when I come back from somewhere - the way I always did. I even cheered tonight when the Arsenal lost because he was such an avid Spurs fan. Silly things that were important to him are now important to me.

Baby steps forward that’s all we can hope for. With our loved ones guiding us we’ll get there.

:heart::heart:

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Leanne, I was nodding my head all the time reading your words, my heart breaks for you when you talk about still pulling up the covers up for him, not being able to buy the foods he liked. I also still follow daily rituals that we I always did for him or we did together. Haven’t been able to cook the specialities he used to love.Sometimes I may do or don’t do a certain thing because he would/wouldn’t approve, like taking tranquilizers to help me sleep. I feel so bad having to use them, only when it’s really necessary though. He was our rock, we never had to call anyone to fix things in our home or outside on our land, he taught my kids all they know, he was a baggage of cultural knowledge, I used to call him a ‘walking encyclopedia’ I have always been more of a mother hen. My kids are my reason to go on, I look into their eyes and I see their dad, they are so much like him, physically and mentally and most important of all they are a part of him. I know you’ve probably heard the words “be strong” so many times, but that’s what keeps me going, so I will say be strong for your son, he still needs you, you’ve done the right thing opening up here, I was a complete nervous wreck at first, I wish I’d discovered this great community a year ago., b.
I still feel like I’m living a life that’s not mine, the world’s going on and I’m just a spectator, as if I’m in a different dimension. It’s important that you don’t bottle up your feelings but talk to your family and friends for comfort, I haven’t actually been able to that much and I hate myself for this. We are also here to listen to you.

Georgina, yes I also have those visions constantly of my beloved lying there unanimous,. I thought in thosevminutes: “this is not you”

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(Sorry, I cut off my message by mistake.).
I also insisted on washing everything, I’ve put away all his clothes neatly folded in drawers just, everything is still there and always will be. You’re right on focusing on your sons, they will help you along this path, my two children give me hope and comfort to carry on. Let’s all try to move on together, struggling I know, but we have to do it, at least for them.

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My deepest sympathy to you . I lost my dear wife on 8th March 2022 after 48 years of being together . The pain of grieving for her is at times unbearable and I’ve been in a very dark place. But I try to keep busy day to day and I’m coming to terms with her loss, that I couldn’t do anything about it . I have my good memories . Sometimes they are not enough . But I was told grief is just pure love with nowhere to go. Life is for the living . The dead are at peace . I hope you can slowly come to terms with the loss and the changes to your own life x

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Hello Leanne, so sorry to hear your story.
I lost my darling husband on 2nd February 2020,it is truly the worst feeling ever.
People are kind but they cannot really comprehend the pain you feel.
I don’t know how any of us manage to keep going but we have to find a way forward eventually.
I cry every day & I wonder if I will ever stop, nothing can ever prepare you for the emotions you are feeling.
We are all here to help if it is at all possible, just keep talking.
I am sending you a huge hug.

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I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. I’m in exactly the same place as you same experience too. My husband passed away suddenly on the 16th January, sudden cardiac arrest, I gave cpr nothing could save him, our world fell apart the day he went. Take it minute by minute, do you have support from family and friends? I find easier to be honest with people about how I’m feeling, our youngest daughter was 17 at the time. I’m now waiting on therapy for ptsd due to the trauma then onto bereavement counciling. Just take baby steps, my heartfelt condolences are with you, feel free to get in touch, big hugs
Tina x

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I’m so sorry for your loss. I feel your pain, my situation was somewhat similar to yours. I lost my husband in January and like you had to move him off the bed onto the floor and had to give him CPR, unfortunately my three kids had to witness all this too which breaks my heart every day (13 & 16 years old) Their were no signs of illness or anything, he literally got home from gym with my 16 year old, was sick, laid down and that was when I found him five mins later. It still destroys me every morning when I get up that I can’t speak to him or cuddle him ever again. I’m not sure at what point this will all get easier but if you are able to talk to like minded people who have been through the same it really does help. We all understand what you are going through and have felt the same pain. Keep talking. Big hugs xxx

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Heart breaks listening to your stories, and Donna your children are even younger than mine, poor things. Mine are in their 20s, I 'm tortured by those visions of my husband lying there and my son and daughter forcing the bathroom door open, dragging him out, trying cpr while waiting for the ambulance. I wish my kids hadn’t witnessed this. I just can’t handle living this nightmare, I try to keep busy, there’s so much to do here (we live out in the country with acres of land) but I feel so useless, overwhelmed and missing my beloved more and more each day, longing for his touch, beautiful smile, his comforting presence, his wisdom. We were a team, he was my not just my partner, he was my best friend too. This emptiness is unbearable. Crying is not enough to let it all out, I want to scream and scream until I have no voice left, need to find a place I can do that without being heard.
For now, I am able to shout and scream out my pain here with you all.
Peace, hugs and comfort to you all.

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Hi Leanne I’m so sorry for your loss I truly know how you feel I lost my husband on the 3rd February last year at home exactly the same he collapsed and died he was only 61 and we had been together since school my life and world has been shatted its unbearable still but I have to carry on for my family I feel like half of me is missing and don’t think the pain will ever stop​:broken_heart::broken_heart::broken_heart::broken_heart: you have to take one day at a time that’s all we can do :sob:

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Bless you Solost. It’s so difficult having our own grief to deal with but worrying about our kids too. We have been on a nightmare journey since the worst day of my life. We found out our landlord was selling our home 2 days before hubby passed, so not only have we been grieving we have had to pack our home up, find somewhere to live. The overwhelming reality of losing my best friend and our home has been far too much. To have to go through our belongings to pack has been heart wrenching. Although it’s been horrendous it’s also kept me far too busy to grieve properly. Emotions been all over the place. I feel like I may just scream and shout with you. Big hugs xxx

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I thought I was doing okay but I have been trying to keep busy getting jobs done on the house. I now keep internet shopping. Stuff is piling up in the bedroom with labels still on. I don’t even want it. It’s just filling my head to try and keep me busy. Today it has to stop. Life feels so empty without my hubby x

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I think we’ve all been guilty of a bit of retail therapy as some point. I went through a stage when I kept ordering. It seemed to fill a void, getting parcel delivered. Books are my weakness.
I try to keep busy, there is alot to do in the garden, I just need to get motivated, and it’s hard without Doug here to encourage me, I miss him.

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Oh Leanne5 I know where your coming from when it comes to the food shop, in the last 6 weeks since loosing my hubby I think I have only really shopped twice and one of those were for things to be used after the funeral, I go to the shop now and come back with things I’ll never eat and forget what I actually wanted, even simple things like bread & milk, only yesterday I was going to my son’s for lunch and sorted some things out I knew I’d never used to take to him and the grandchildren, I know we will never truly get over our grief but I am hoping we will learn how to live with it better.

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