I felt guilty for feeling relieved my husband was out of pain., he couldn’t have taken anymore. He said sorry to me just before he passed away, because I’m disabled and he felt guilty for leaving me. Grief takes us through so many emotions. Anger is very much part of it. and very understandable.
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Jacqq. So sad for you. So quick, when at the start you may have had hope. I lost my husband 9 months ago, at the start I cried first thing every morning and every evening. The pain is so tough, its a physical pain, I feel like half my soul has gone. I had to physically push negative thoughts from my mind every day, just to get through the day, Yesterday after 9 months I actually laughed at something on the tv, then immediately felt guilty. My thoughts are with you.
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I know exactly how you feel. My wife passed away on 10/09. Her battle with cancer lasted 5 month’s. I feel lost, lonely, can’t sit in the house because it’s so quiet. If it wasn’t for my 2 children I wouldn’t be here because she made me promise to look after them. Stay strong!!!
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My wife went in to hospital with a infection and got even worse ones 4 in total the last one her heart couldn’t take it and had a heart infarction died 5 mins later in on the 2 July died 28 July
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hi jacqq i lost my wife 12 weeks ago,I too feel i’ve lost half of me,The grief demon seems to wait for me around every corner,or worse when i open the front door,we are on here for the same reason,if we can listen and talk to each other it may help
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It is hard when you know it would be better for them not to suffer anymore so tell them to go, but deep down you want to be I guess in a way to be selfish and want them to fight more, lend them some of your strength to fight. But they can’t. It’s hard when you’ve never been without them. The girls are both grown have their own life, so it is better to let them think you are coping. You don’t want be a burden on them. Having animals gives me something to think about as they need me to look after them, feeding them, walking the dog and cleaning out the litter tray. But at night time the door is locked and you know you are alone, life has changed forever, and my world will never be the same again, I think that is what we all feel.
True words ,think we all feel the same in our own personal way
I feel exactly the way you are feeling it night time when I lock the doors that I feel the most lonely.
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today i have tried to sort through some of my wifes personal items I lasted about 20 minutes then fell apart,I have been told by family and friends to slow down,take my time,being a carer for my wife over the last 4yrs and work full time,and it suddenly stops,I dont know what slow down means if that makes sense
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Don’t be in a rush to sort stuff out. Put things in one room till you are ready.
After 19 months I still have some of hubby’s things - especially tools & sports equipment - also some personal bits.
My neighbour lost his wife at Xmas and his family have told him to leave everything as it is and they will have a “good clear out” once he has gone too.
Take care
G.
Thank you ,may be i’m trying to run before I can walk
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@bussteve1
I have sorted some things and left others. Maybe, if you feel you need to start, make it items which mean less to you but there is no rush. Everyone is different in what they feel should be done.
thank you thats what i’m trying to do but it hit s home,not easy
My girls have said the same leave it and they will sort it out my problem is it hurts me to see the her stuff it brings back to much memories I know they are hurting as well and don’t want to push it
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I’ve not even attempted to clear anything out. When my mum died we did it for dad after the funeral. I’ve took bin bags upstairs to the wee room where the wardrobe and drawers are. I hang my jeans on the handle outside, as I know when I open it the clothes are going to be there. My daughter’s have offered to clean the clothes out and put them in a charity shop. But I’ve said I’ll do it when I’m ready too. We were planning on getting married at Christmas time and my wedding dress is in there, thankfully in a dress bag so I can’t see it, and that will be going to a charity shop
We did my mum’s wardrobe and drawers for my dad. Your daughters will cope better than you think. But it does need to be when you are ready to part with the reminders
Hi bussteve
I lost Ian nearly 16 months ago now and I haven’t moved anything. Everything is as he left it, including the unfinished jigsaw puzzle under the settee!
Don’t feel you have to do anything until the time feels right for you.
Look after yourself,
X Julie
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Hi trixie1
My wife also loved jigsaw puzzles there is still her jigsaw in a cover on the coffee table,not sure when or if the time will ever be right
Thank you for your reply
steve
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Hello Jacqq,
I know how you feel, I lost my wife Sue to ovarian cancer in July this year. I had weeks of tears and heartache and loneliness. I thought joining bereavement face to face groups and walk and activity groups I would be able to manage my grief. It did help to talk to others and really thought I was doing really well my daughter has been a tower of strength for me getting me involved with the groups. But last night and today I’ve had one of the worst lows for ages, I haven’t eaten much today or slept much last night tears have been flowing on and off all day it’s been awful. So I can fully sympathise with you on how you feel. We just want that person back to hold and cuddle because we need it. I recently had my 63rd birthday and it was meaningless to me without Sue. I know we have to try and move on but our life has been cut in half and no amount of kind words can heal or stop the pain we feel. I hope you can find away forward but we are also all here for you. You are not on your own out there. My very best wishes and hopes for you. Dave2 x
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Hi Dave 2
sorry for your loss, I lost my wife 12th of july this year,I too have found it a struggle,last night I sat down to eat which is rare for me,watched some tv then fell apart amd burst into tears ,you or I are not alone
steve
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