I lost my beautiful wife of 55 years eight weeks ago after a 3 year painful battle with cancer,I now feel totally lost,we only had a small circle of friends many of which turned out to be fair weather friends,I have children and grandchildren but they have their own lives to live,we used to go out for drives to the coast and parks and stroll around hand in hand,we used to do night drives just for the enjoyment,now my car just sits on the drive,my wife had a wall plaque made saying every love story is beautiful but ours is my favourite,I get emotional every time I look at it,and I am sick of hearing those immortal words “we are here if you need us”
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I’m so sorry for your loss.
I’m further on than you, 17 weeks, but I can totally empathise.
You are feeling exactly what I felt.
And still do.
The only difference is I am now starting to cope, but that doesn’t stop the tears, every day.
Please reach out to your family, they won’t be able to help you if you aren’t honest with them.
And please keep posting on here. Everyone on here understands and is here for you. We are all going through this grief journey and we will all listen and offer you our support.
Sending a big hug x
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Thank you,being ex military it’s really difficult to express my emotions verbally,I could open up to my wife so easily but with other members of the family I find it so difficult.and I send a big hug back.
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So sorry you have joined this unwanted club. Use this forum…it’s a safe place and been a daily refuge for me for this past 17 months…
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Thank you,I hope I find the solace I really need.
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I hope you do to.
Its helped me through some really dark times
You can open up on here, no one will judge, you can rant or whinge, it really doesn’t matter.
Whatever you need to say, just say it
Love and hugs x
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Thank you,at the moment I just feel cold and soulless,even in our darkest hours we always had hope,a rollercoaster of a ride but we always stayed strong,now just a very black void.
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@Ron11
Welcome to the club nobody wants to join but here we all are…all trying to navigate this roller coaster that is now our life.
I lost my husband last March, followed by my mum in July and my 15yr old dog in August. We didn’t have children and I have no siblings so totally alone now. I met my husband both aged 10 so 54yrs. I am obviously further along than you but to offer some positives it does get easier in time, you find away to live alongside the grief, it never goes away and why would it? We have lost our soulmate and our life that once was. Weeks after he died, I couldn’t get out of bed or even shower but fast forward 2 weeks ago I went on a fabulous cruise for my 65th birthday. Yes I had wobbles and tears but I also had fun and laughter. My motto in life is we either sink or swim, I paddled a lot at the start but now I’m swimming. The point is we all go at our own pace and cope in a way that’s best for us. Give yourself time, compassion and kindness. You can continue bonds with your wife by living your life with her alongside you in all that you do and all that you are. It’s a lonely journey without them but you can still live with the love in your heart. Just go easy on yourself and keep talking as it’s the biggest release. Hugs Lyn x
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Hi Lyn thank you and happy belated birthday,I feel remorse and guilt and quite frankly don’t know why,I was four years older than my wife and feel it should have been me first,is that normal?
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Hi Ron
Thank you, big milestone 65 no idea where the years have gone, still 21 in my head lol
Remorse and guilt are normal emotions along with millions of what if’s, should have’s, could have’s, it takes time for the brain and heart to process what has happened until you reach acceptance. I am glad in a strange way that my husband went first because he couldn’t have handled this. I firmly believe the strongest part of the couple remains. This comes to light further down the road. I have had to totally rebuild my life, make new friends, new experiences and it all takes a lot of hard work and effort, grief is physically and mentally exhausting and him being the more introverted would have given up. It’s a time of deep soul searching and finding out who you are as an individual person who is no longer part of another. Time is the key and learning to go with the flow. What you resist will persist, there’s a lot of letting go. Don’t fear it though, understand it fully. So many people want to rush the process because nobody wants to be in perpetual heartbreak, pain and misery. It’s time to discover and explore you xx
Hi @Ron11
Everything you are feeling is completely normal. I’ve found that my thoughts and emotions are erratic. It really is a rollercoaster.
I love the plaque that you wife made, she sounds like she really loved you and what you had together. It sounds like you both had a wonderful life, such lovely memories to cherish forever. In time you’ll build yourself up and be able to go on them drives and walks. Your wife may not be here physically with you but she will be walking with you hand in hand and sending you strength. In time go for little adventures and take her with you.
It’s good to get emotional and let out the tears, it’ll help you heal.
Please ask for help from your friends and family. People are really kind and will want to help you but probably feel useless and don’t know what to say or how to act.
Be kind to yourself. Sending you a big warm hug 
xx
Hi Lyn thank you,you have brought some comfort to me,I have seen things no-one should see,but never experienced grief like this,if there is a god or higher being I hope he’s got my wife wrapped tightly in his/her arms.
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Your right. This little community is amazing. I have found it to be a great comfort. Something that in my darkest hours I can come and be reassured.
It also amazes me that the people that are all helping each other are people who are grieving, each fighting their own dark battle but still have the strength to support each other. How wonderful that we are able to prop each other up! It’s pretty special.
Xx
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Thank you Kat,I had a moment reading your txt,yes she really was a very special wife and person,you know once she came across a beggar in the street,didn’t have cash on her went to the atm drew money out went back and paid for his lunch,ime in bits just recalling this.
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Oh @Ron11
Bless you, sorry if I upset you further 
What a kind and thoughtful women!
We are here anytime for you. Please just let it all out, there is always someone to listen and share your thoughts and feelings with 
No Kat you didn’t,you helped me recall past memories and I thank you,my brain is total mush at the minute,a moment of clarity is a welcome relief.
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Your wife will be your guardian angel her arms will be wrapping around you to give you strength. Your love for her will keep you connected forever through strings that we cannot see. Xx
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Thank you,I feel and talk to her daily.
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Ron
That higher being is your wife and she has you wrapped tightly in her arms, she’s at peace now and will want the same for you. Sometimes in grief we forget what they would want for us and no soulmate in the world would want this for us being left behind. I believe in life and death we have to honour love not grieve it but that’s just my view. I refuse to let death and grief be the focus over love and life xx
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Thanks Lyn,as an ex officer in the military I have seen many things,whether it’s delusional or grief I have experienced many baffling things over the last 8 weeks,details would be long and complicated,I fully accept your views and would not challenge them in any way.
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