loss by suicide

I lost my ex-partner to suicide 3 years ago. He was an alcoholic and drug addict. Feel so guilty that I couldnt help him. How can I ever forgive myself or him? Is this just another cross I have to bear

Hi Andrea,

Guilt is a very common feeling when we lose someone, especially when it is due to suicide. However, you need to remember that you did not know he was going to kill himself. People who are alcoholics and drug addicts are amongst the most vulnerable in society, and you should not be so harsh on yourself and blame yourself for not being able to help him.

Have you tried counselling? There are lots of people like you who have lost someone to suicide and are full of guilt, and there are counsellors who are trained to help such people - maybe this could be beneficial to you?

Dear Andie,
Just like Abdullah says, you should not be so harsh on yourself. I do understand that this is easier said than done but you must remember that there was a time when you loved your ex-partner and you were here for him. I am sure you did all you could to help him, but addictions are very complex.
My next door neighbour is an alcoholic and it is extremely sad to see how it upsets her daughter. Every time something happens she promises to stop, but it never lasts for long. The alcohol keeps pulling her back.
I started volunteering on this site after the death of my parents. I do not have personal experience of losing someone to suicide, but I know people who have. There are also many posts on this site from people who do speak from experience. If you want to see some of their posts, just click on the looking glass symbol in the right hand corner and type ‘suicide.’
There is also website that might be helpful for you too, it is called 'Survivors of Bereavement due to Suicide;. This is the link to it:
It is good that you have come to this site. I hope it will help you.

I lost my husband last September to suicide he took an overdose. We had been together 23 yrs & I feel like I’ve lost an arm. He suffered with anxiety & depression as well as physical health issues. I was his full time carer & now he’s not here I feel so lost & alone. I have panic attacks & feel really low at of the time. Sometimes I just want to go to sleep and not wake up. I try hard to keep going because we have a 16 yr daughter & she is finding things hard at times. I never in a millions yrs thought he would do something like that as he was quite religious.