Hello. I am new here, and hoping to find support from other grieving parents. My beautiful daughter battled cancer for the last year, courageously and fiercely. Sadly she passed almost 3 weeks ago. I didn’t know whether it was too soon to be reaching out, but really feel it is the experience of other grieving parents that I need to hear. I was not new to loss, lost my husband 13 years ago, both parents many years ago, a brother 15 years ago, my other brother in May this year. Nothing could have prepared me for the intensity of the loss of my child, the pain, the void, it is like a bleeding wound. My girl was 43 and knew how to live. She shine, and her energy, strength and exuberance filled the room and much further, even when ill. I feel so lost without her, constantly yearning for her, her touch, her smell, her sweet voice, the very sight of her. I hope I don’t always felt this way, it’s agony. Thank you for listening.
Lydia, I am so very sorry that your daughter died. It is not what is supposed to happen. I can offer no advice as I have not lost a child, but if watching friends who have, it is a pain that never goes away. They manage to live again and be happy, but there is a permanent sadness and feeling of loss inside. They have learned to carry that pain and live with it. I don’t know how, but likely because life goes on even when we think ours is over.
I hope someone in your shoes comes in to offer their advice on how to cope with this horror. All I can say is I am so very sorry.
Much love from New Orleans, Louisiana, USA.
Hello Lydia 3 I like you have just lost a daughter 2024 and it is never too late or too early to ask for help like you my parents are gone my darling husband just recently 2023 and my only brother just recently 2024 so I reckon I can kind understand and feel your pain. How to live withthe pain how to cope how to explain to your grandchildren why Oh I wish I knew the answers to those questions. How to stop yourself from ringing her to tell some wonderful idea or whatever wishing upon wish that it had been you that died and not her cause right now you are living death you don’t want to engage with others you don’t want to do a darn thing, if only you could stay cocooned in your memories of her but life does not allow you to do that no it doesn’t. Life does not get easier you just learn new ways of coping, I wake up crying and go to sleep crying actually as I write this I am crying but I know that I have to learn how to function as a “normal” human being again and so on. I wish I knew how to do that but all I can do is try my best to do my best at learning to live without her and I know it sounds strange but honouring her memory her love her being by living my life by not feeling guilty if I laugh or have a little fun cause I know she would not want me to be as I am now she would want me to do things and do them with love and good grace. So to honour those that I have lost I am choosing to try and live the best life I can until I take my last breath. I don’t know if I have helped you or not I do hope at least you know that you are not alone in this learning to cope with such unbelievable pain. God Bless and remember one second one minute one day at a time
I think I understand. My 28 year old son died on Monday 28th from a brain tumour. Feels like crashing waves coming in from the sea; crash, calm, crash… such a range of emotions. X
Ali, so sorry for your loss. Yes the waves, sometimes unexpected, sometimes you feel the build up. But when they come, they whack you around, and toss you all around the place. It leaves you exhausted and battered.
I have just lost my 36 year old daughter to breast cancer. I feel my pain is choking me. I know it is early on this path but I am crushed and each seems to lie ahead with clouds all around with no colour.
I am so sorry that you are going through this remember you are not alone always here to listen
How do I function? I feel a part of me has been torn out. This is crushing me.
Fee, I think you are right that we have to make conscious decision to live our lives the best we can. My darling girl knew how you live, and lived it to the full, and would be very disappointed in me if I didn’t do the same. And yes, I would have gone in her place in a heartbeat if I could have. She should be here enjoying her life, with her husband who adores her, doing the job she was amazing at, and making the world, my world, shine again.
Sometimes I get ‘normalish’ moments when I do everyday things, and then reality hits like a tsunami, waves of sadness engulfing me. I never knew pain could be so deep. But then again, my love for her is deep, so I suppose it is going to be. I feel for us all.
Hello all, my so loved daughter died 10th June this year aged 35, my wonderful sister Jo 2 days before. It is now 21 weeks. My daughter had special needs, I lost her to cancer, I ache to physically hold her, my husband and 3 other children are hurting and miss thier sister so very much, our lives revolved round her so we are very lost, dreading her birthday on the 16th December and Christmas. I go with the flow emotionally. Some days I love to look at her funny, beautiful dancing other days it’s just a reminder that we won’t be able to do that again. Be kind to yourselves, don’t set time limits and most of all talk about the ones you have lost, to me it’s so important they are remembered not because they died but because they loved
The pain just creeps up. No warning and out of nowhere.
It does. Like a tsunami. One minute you are functioning, then you are breaking down. It’s a daily struggle, with no ‘normal’, no living just existing. It’s like hanging on the edge of an abyss by your fingertips. Some days you can pull yourself up a little, others you just have no strength and could just let yourself fall into it. I feel for you all and send a virtual hug.
Hollie. I am so sad for, but find so much wisdom in your words. You are so right, it isn’t about that they died but that they lived, and loved. And going with the flow is good advice, whether you feel like doing nothing, busying yourself, sobbing your heart out or staying in bed all day - we all heal in our own ways. Your dear daughter will be forever within and around you, as is mine. God bless.
Hello l lost my daughter three years ago. I really feel for you all. The early years are like a living hell. It does get easier and you start to mainly remember the happy times and be grateful for the times you spent together.
You also realise that others who loved your child need your support. I have become so close to my niece who like me miss Laura so much. But we dont talk about Laura all the time but we know she is bringing us together to support each other.
Sending you my love and understanding.x
Thank you Peanut brain, some days I find comfort in a funny video, others days too painful to hear her voice, today is a hard day as the night terrors that started after Hollie died were dreadful last night , good night’s sleep needed
I would love a good nights sleep too since my girl left I am lucky to get 3 hours sleep, grief is a cruel thing. I pray you sleep this night 
I lost my amazing daughter Tash to cancer just before Christmas last year. She had just turned 28. I am ‘functioning’; working full-time as a childminder; trying to do the very best for the children in my care and trying to do my best every single day to honour her memory and make her proud. I fully realise that I haven’t even started the grieving process, its just too unbearable to contemplate, but at the moment I am acting instinctively and know no other way to cope. Realistically I am only delaying the inevitable grief but its one moment/hour/day at a time. I pray that you will find your own way to cope, be it counselling/fundraising/seeking support (others further ‘down the line’ in this hideous journey may have more insights) - I still have a son who is in the midst of his own grief after losing his sister; the last thing he needs is his parents falling apart. Use this community too, its invaluable
My heart is saddened for you, all we can do really is to live one second one hour one day at a time. My girl left just 4 months ago some days are ok and others I just want to curl up and die. I don’t cause I have others to think of. I think you are doing exactly what you need to do to get through this, may your journey be a little easier for having shared.
It is 5 months today since Hollie died . I work as a teacher of children with with profound and multiple learning difficulties, my daughter had more moderate special needs and I’m very aware I am pouring my love into my students that I would have done with Hollie. I am in constant and immediate touch with my three other children and of course my husband, all of whom are hurting and I channel my love into them too. It doesn’t bring Hollie back, I miss her physical presence so very much, we did everything together and she made me laugh on a daily basis, I am dreading her birthday on 16th Dec and then Christmas straight after.
I am delaying my grief, I know that but it’s the only way I can keep going for my family , my love and understanding to you all xx
My beautiful daughter died 6 months ago after battling Leukaemia so bravely. There’s nothing anyone can say to take away the pain of losing a child. I feel her loss every moment of every day. I cry daily, sometimes loud wracking sobs. I have read so many accounts on this forum which so closely mirror my feelings ; grief coming in waves, trying to be “normal” around people chatting about children and grandchildren (I will never be a grandma now), Christmas preparations… I am already dreading Christmas and don’t want to be part of it without my only child. My future feel’s bleak with nothing to look forward to anymore and no purpose. I’m sure, as many have said, it will get easier when all the “firsts” have passed. I hope the pain of all of us in this club no one wanted to join will ease in time and we will be able to live our lives in a way those we have lost will be proud of. Hugs to you all.