Thanks Debs - gave a coat to charity but Tony was given it and only wore it twice - but other stuff much more personal, jackets, blazers etc! what about shoes? finding it so hard!
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Well i havent got rid of anything of his ā¦ but thats a personal choice. I dont want to think about it so i dont xx
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@Cynthonia hi, Itās over two years since my husband died, I still have his clothes in wardrobe , I did have to move his work coat from back door ,only because the coat hook fell down ,and I havenāt replaced it . All his aftershave still on chest of draws. They will all stop there till I feel ready . I wear his socks everyday, and what a state I got myself into crying because some of the socks got holes in them .I was even tempted to darn them . Getting rid of my husbandās stuff to me ,is like losing him all over again . Itās still his home , even though it just feels like a house to , the comfort and life has gone from it . I think you will know when you are ready ,if ever, xtake carex
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Thank you so much - Yep Tony everywhere but nowhere !!! Advice re clothes helpful and fully understand about socks - I am the same with vests - wear them as nightshirts - how daft is that, but comforting! Noone understands unless they been there! At the monent am trying to choose a container for his ashes!! Very hard to accept thatās what his body will be reduced to!! xx
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You will
Know when to sort / move clothes . 4 years for me and last year my eldest daughter decided to sort her dadās clothes . This was fine until it came to his āholidayā shirts and I burst into tears ! She just put them back in the wardrobe no problem . Luckily I have space ! I did give some winter shirts and pullovers to an elderly friend and he was very grateful . Other things such as glasses , wallet etc are still in the drawer 
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oh yes! glasses etc very poignant esp as he bought a new pair late Summer but hardly ever wore them! and things he loved like his Swiss Army Penknife still around! Advice re clothes taken - just cant face it!! Daughter found gardening clothes in the bin and took them out!!!
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Hello friends Really thought I was starting to get a grip but this morning it all came flooding back - sadness, permanence and future stretching out on and on and on without Tony! I havent had any sign from him or dream about him since he passed in December - almost as if he vanished! Is this normal at this stage and will it pass?
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@Cynthonia im sure he is with you . I donāt dream about him much and they are upsetting dreams really. The signs are very small . I have seen white feathers . A butterfly flying around his car cleaning stuff . The weirdest is I saw exactly 26 bats fly out of my neighbours house . Thatās his and my birth date xx
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Hi Iām new today. I lost my partner of 26 years 8 weeks ago to oesophogeal cancer which spread to his bones and finally his brain. I was with him the night before he died, he was very agitated so they sedated him and told me to go home and rest. He passed the next day before I got there but my daughter was with him, he didnāt come around from the sedation and I donāt know how I feel about it.
Iām still off work on bereavement leave so I have managed to clear his clothes and most of his possessions while Iāve been off. I guess itās an individual thing, I donāt want to prolong the process and have been comforted that his lovely clothes have been beneficial to the charity shops and the homeless that I donated them to. I was worried that I would start to move on and grief would be easier only to bring it all back by putting off that task.
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@Bernieos you do what is right for you . I canāt bear to look at them as it upsets me he wonāt wear them again . My son is adamant not to move them . He has told his Nan and she says she would take them which is so wrong . She even asked where my wedding ring is . I have put it in the box with his . Itās not really her business
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Have you moved his stuff @Jol ? I just cant because i know when i do it will break my heart and so i have had to leave them.i wear my wedding ring and his on my right hand. He was my security and my comfort blanket and its so hard for me to not have that ! Its a cruel world out there i know that much ā¦ it really is ā¦ ( his things are in the wardrobe and drawers so i donāt look ar them but i just cant move them either)
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Nearly 6 weeks for me now and house exactly same as it was before Tony died! Havent touched clothes - baseball caps hanging up - just cant face it. Had a message from a friend whose husband died of Altzheimers early last year. She said to start with she was overwhelmed with relief that his suffering was finally over (7 years) but now was missing him more than ever and didnt know how to encourage me as time goes on! I was so hoping time would ease the anguish, but does it!?? Another pertinent question!!! has anyone brought ashes home with them - dont answer this if unable to - but am going to be in this position soon! The thinking is that if I decide to move I can take him with me! sending love cx
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The reason I donated clothes etc is I am frightened to prolong grief. If time does heal as they say then at some point Iād still have to start removing belongings and I fear it would bring it all flooding back. I guess thereās no right or wrong answer.
My partners ashes are now at the funeral home. I am going to order a small urn to keep some. I want to scatter a small amount at a favourite place of his and also have placed into a piece of jewellery. The rest will be interned in the crematorium near his parents 
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Jewellery good idea - thank you, also smal urn as well as main one! I have found these decisions very hard! Tony was and I am only children and, whereas family are fantastic, it is not the same as having own generation to turn to so thank you all xx
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I think itās vital to do exactly what feels right for you. Trying to fulfil the expectations of others (or tradition) is a mistake I think. Alan had intentionally lost loads of weight recently so there were lots of unworn clothes and I know he would have wanted them to help someone so thatās what I have done. I have kept a few of his favourites but everything else has gone. It was much less daunting than I expected.
As far as the ashes are concerned I intend to scatter them at sea (Alan was ex navy) on what would have been our wedding day in November but, in the mean time, they are at home. I donāt know what I was expecting as far as the ashes were concerned but it wasnāt the great big box that I was presented with. It was so heavy that I had to fetch the car to get it home!! Alan would have found that absolutely hilarious and, as the days are passing, I am hearing his laughter more and more. And it makes me feel that he is close which is precious.
It is so hard to make decisions and I feel for you; but there isnāt any rush. Whatever you feel is the right thing probably is.
Take care x
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Yes ive brought his ashes home. They are in my lounge under his picture ā¦ i found it so comforting bringing him home ā¦ and here he is staying until im ready to let him go and not sure where he is going yet either ;( various options ā¦ you do not need to get rid of his clothes or even touch them - just do what is right for you ā¦ in this situation there is no right or wrong xx
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Thanks everyone - so helpful xx
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Harryās ashes came home with me. to be honest i felt better when he was home i have them in pieces of jewelry and i will also spread some in his favourite places around the world where we used to visit when i am stronger
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His ashes were spread at donnington park where he said he wanted some of them I couldnāt divide him . Friday would have been his 59 birthday and our 31sr wedding anniversary. We have bought some fireworks to let off for him
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@Deb5 what a day Iāve had trying to find out is my cat was the one dead on the road and eventually it was . Why is life kicking me in the teeth I have no answers
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