I know that feeling - I wish it had been me but I wouldn’t want him to suffer this heartache and pain xx
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We are here - not much consolation but you are not alone - we are all going through hell xxx
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Yes we’re all in this horrible club we never wanted to be in so we can support each other.
I feel I’ve lost me as well. I went out to WI last week just for an hour and i seemed like my old self for a while but I was telling myself its just an act. Afterwards I left early and sat in the car crying. Will my old self ever be back ?
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I feel your pain I too lost my beautiful man 7 months ago to pancreatic cancer was told two months but we had 14 months after diagnosis;It was awful to see my Giant of husband become frail after chemo and to lay beside him night after night knowing he was frightened; He was in denial so we never talked about the Cancer ; The
Tsunami of paper work starting with registering his Death has never stopped trying to clear his office with files of personal data and much more let alone his clothes a personal possession is overwhelming; I too got a puppy when he was diagnosed has our older dog had to go to Rainbow bridge and I didn’t want to be on my own she is a working dog and is full of energy and is always smelling any scent very hard work but I am glad I have her ; I was always bubbly and full of life and did a lot on the dementia side ; Now I am always tired and feeling flat I struggle everyday had I miss him more , I spent most of my time on my own with my Dog ; can’t believe it after 43 years but I know I have to struggle through and go forward ; I hope you are the same sending you a hug xxxx
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I feel totally lost and can’t face couples, crowds etc. Wish we were all near to each other xxx
Yeh thanks thats true ! Its just so hard and yeh i wonder how my husband would’ve coped without me too ? Would he have got more support ? But probably not 
I just cant stand my family and how crap they are !!!
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I am so sorry about that. We couldn’t have kids and my family try to help but they are scattered a bit. I have some good friends but unless you have been through it , it is impossible to understand. No training courses or good intentions are a substitute no mater what well meaning groups trying to help think. Xxx
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Yes thats the crux of it - you cant understand it until you’ve been through it.
Im most definitely in it and cannot imagine being through it. I sleep but never seem to be not tired. I have no appetite but eat rubbish and chocolate all the time and I’m putting on weight i don’t need. Angry at myself for that. Used to be a gym bunny but ive lost focus since my mum died last year. I’d only just processed that loss and then bang …Steve died.
I often think what have I done to deserve this. Have I been a bad person ? All this loss and grief.
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My best friend , soulmate died 2.30 am 6/2 23 2.30 am I feel guilty cos just dropped off to sleep , as had distract nurses call and help with anxiety symptoms , he calmed down so he slept by him on settee , woke at 2.39 am , never noise he was warm but gone , just spoke to a lovely lady hi is going to take his fingerprint fir a necklace and she said they go like this because they love you so much , he probably b smiled and kissed you and woke you up at 2.30 am t say I love you xx she said give someone time to get back to you , she heard I had a dog cos he was barking asked if he would lick my gands anymore I said no since mart died , she said prob cos he’s holding your hands before this you couldn’t stop him , he wouldn’t kiss mart in the bed once he had passed xxx
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They took a handprint from Steve. I didn’t really know if i wanted it but so glad i did now. Ive framed it and its a real comfort to me. We need to keep them close. I think of all the times i held that hand and how it supported me and guided me through life.
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Aw bless 
so sad … never thought of thst … wow thst breaks my heart x
I eat loads of cream eggs and toast. My main diet - can’t be bothered to cook or clean much. I always prided myself on our lovely clean house and Robin kept the garden beautifully. Nothing like that happening now xxx
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You are not a bad person - god knows I have asked myself that. I lost my mum when I was 16. My 14 year old cousin was killed by a drunk driver and my Nan the following year. My dad went when I was 36.
Life is just crap sometimes xxx
No, I’ve given up with the house especially now puppy has arrived.
Im chocolate buttons and malteasers. I just cant manage a full meal and I eat rubbish at silly times. I can’t get over the tiredness and how i dread the post. More crap i have to sort. I find it all so confusing and time consuming.
Oh well, its nearly bedtime so another day done.
Oh Charm, such losses !
Im so sorry to hear that.
Yeh know the feeling ! My house is untidy too and my husband would be shocked. He liked a tidy house but you just cant be bothered can you ? Whats the point when they’re not here
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No point whatsoever cxx
I’ve just found this thread, and neck on everything that has been said, I could have written. It’s certainly a club no one would ever choose to join, but nobody whatsoever outside it has any comprehension of how painful it is. Someone said to me you’ve got a new life, get on with it! I was also told they would be there for me till the funeral! No idea what so ever, boy they are in for a shock when their time come to enter this living hell that is our lives now! Tonight (early morning) it will be 6 months since I woke to find Mark having what I thought was a bad dream (he was a fit healthy 58 year old) I had to do CPR while I waited for the ambulance (and I bet you know what’s coming next, I can’t help myself wondering if I wasn’t doing it right, should I have pressed harder was I too far to the left/right… I know I did the best I could, but my brain is cruel) Just over 2 hours later I lost my partner & soulmate of 40 years. It’s so hard for all of us, it’s just a case of we have to do what we can, when we can, but it’s not easy. Love to you all xxx
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Sulane
So sorry to hear of your awful loss. A big hug to you.
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Thank you so much & one right back to you xxx
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