I lost my husband a week ago suddenly he was 50 i have 3 beautiful kids 12 8 and 2 im finding it really hard to cope
6 Likes
So so sorry for you loss. X
2 Likes
Sorry for your loss… 50 is so young and you have young children.
The only comfort is watching your children grow. You wont feel it now but they will definitely be a distraction, in a good way.
Im guessing it was sudden? You are probably still in shock 
I lost my husband 20th April, from a brain tumour. He was 54. We never had children together, just 3 fur babies. Who we loved walking together.
My grown up children are 34 and 22.
They have been a great support while Nick was ill, but they are getting on with their own lives now.
Im rattling round the house on my own.
I dont see anybody and i dont want to.
Nick was my best friend aswell as love.
The funeral isnt until 16th May. Im dreading it. Its a burial.
Life will never be the same again. Take each day at a time 
5 Likes
Thanks for your reply mandyc15 i am so sorry for your loss toođź’” yes it was really sudden he was my missing piece my best friend we shared everything together. I feel so lost, my 2 year old keeps crying asking for her dad and its just so hard. Daves funeral is on the 15th may im dreading it too its going to be so hard to get through.
3 Likes
Thats so sad you wont feel it now but you do have your 3 beautiful children.
My children are grown up, living their own lives.
So all i have now is our 3 dogs. Even walking them make me cry.
Nick and i were a team and did everything together.
Life is so cruel
1 Like
It’s 12 months for me and I still don’t want to see people I just mooch around the house on my own.It’s draining putting on a smile and telling people everything is okay when it really isn’t.e
3 Likes
His funeral is next Wednesday i dont know how im going to get through it life really is cruel x
1 Like
Nicks is next Thursday… BIG HUGS to you xx
Ive been mooching. Listening to our music playlists and looking at photos.
I was given sleeping tablets off the dr. Im not taking them.
Im trying to get by day by day.
Usually sleeping midnight and waking with a jolt at 5am.
It feels like a bad dream and Nicks going to come home.
I go to the Chapel of rest every day. He looks like hes sleeping.
I feel more angry… my kids dad is a raging, horrible alcoholic and hes still alive. Im sorry but the good do die young 
Nick was so healthy… cycling and running all his life. Very active.
But, had a brain tumour.
I go to bed thinking i wonder how long he really had it for and we didnt know?? What if we did this?? What if we did that??
Its driving me mad.
Thats how i know ill have to go back to work.
Chatting on here is helping xx
Get the kids to draw pictures and write letters to their dad… put them in a memory box.
You can show them when they are older.
It might help the older ones to get their feelings out.
I really feel for you. You must be on autopilot trying to carry on a routine.
Ill be thinking of you on the 15th xx
I go to the chapel everyday too, it makes me feel a little better just to see him, weve been making lots of things for him its just heartbreaking knowing hes not here to see them grow up, your right the good do go young. im so sorry your going through this too, but it does help to chat on here. At least we know where not going through this alone xx
1 Like
I lost my wife of over 35 years in January this year. She was disabled for the past 3 years & I was her main carer.
She was taken to hospital at the start of June last year with a supposed lung infection. While in A&E her heart stopped and it took them 15 minutes to revive her. She was transferred to ICU and put in to an induced coma & on a ventilator. The consultant told us there was a very good chance she would not survive. She improved very slowly over the next couple of weeks until they were able to reduce the use of the ventilator. Eventually the were able to take her off the ventilator but there appeared to be some brain damage. She could not communicate in any way with the outside world, she could not feed herself but kept pulling the feeding tube out. Eventually after being in ICU for a month she was transferred to a ward. Because of all the antibiotics they pumped in to her she contracted CDif. Me and my daughter went to the hospital every day that she was in there including while she was in ICU. After about a week of being in a side room on the ward, it was starting to look like they had just dumped her in a side room to die. I kept asking to see the consultant but he was never around and I would be fobbed off with some junior doctor who did not know what he was talking about. Eventually both my daughter & I got P****d off to the point where she wrote a scathing email to PALS. Within 2 days I got to see the consultant, there were nurses going in to check on her every 2 hours or so. They were even trying to feed her, but she would not keep the feeding tube in. The consultant called my daughter & I into a meeting and it was agreed that they would try giving her proper food. Soft food to start, ice cream or yogurt. All this time she could not speak but she was a bit more alert. I need to say at this point that my sister in law, Sandra, lost her husband a couple of years ago. While my wife was in hospital my sister in law lost her mother. I was sitting with my wife one day and she was not responsive, I would get an occasional smile if I was lucky but I did not care I was with her. I happened to mention that Sandra’s mum had died and all of a sudden my wife looked at me and said WHAT. I was so shocked that I had to call my daughter. By the time my daughter got to the hospital I was having a proper conversation with my wife. She continued to improve day by day until they were able to transfer her to a cottage hospital for rehabilitation. She came home after about 2 or 3 weeks in the cottage hospital. In total she spent 4 & a half months in hospital. She was a lot more disabled than she had been before going in to hospital & I had to do everything for her. Despite everything we has a good XMas and saw all the grandkids. On January 22nd she started coughing up blood and was rushed to hospital. On January 23 the doctor told us there was nothing more they could do as she was not responding to treatment. They told us they were going to start with palliative care and we should be prepared. A nursing sister told us what to expect.
My daughter & I sat with her all day & night of the 23rd in to the 24th. On the morning of the 24th my daughter popped home for a shower & something to eat. When she came back I nipped home for a shower & something to eat and then went back to the hospital. That night about midnight I told my daughter there was no point in both of us having a bad night and why didn’t she go home and get some sleep & she could then come back in the morning. My wife died at 2:10 on the morning of the 25th.
I am feeling every thing that MandyC15 is feeling. I am lost and adrift and do not know what to do. I find myself wandering around the house looking for her.
This is my first post but needed to get this off my chest.
Thank you for reading my wanderings
7 Likes
I still think she knew she was dying and only got better so she could see the grandkids one last time. Life is cruel!!!
3 Likes
Nick didnt want to carry on when he got the urine infection. His tumour had grown so much.
He had drivers with lots of pain killers and steroids in.
Nick stopped eating. I was trying to feed him, begging him to eat. He had his teeth clenched and he refused.
They stopped his IV drip because it was just pooling in his stomach and not doing anything. So for 4 days he didnt eat or drink. He was unconscious.
Then a rattle started in his throught. Ive now been told thats the death rattle.
If they want to go, they find a way.
We must not feel guilty. 
Ive been a mess… the funeral is 16th may. Im lost walking round the house… listening to our favorite music and looking at photos.
It’s making me feel ill.
So yesterday i let my work know im going back 3rd june. I need to be kept busy.
I dont really see anyone except my 2 grown up children. My son is 22… watches football in the other room, goes to work, goes the gym.
My daughter has her own home, she’s 34.
If i take the dogs out i see people trying to avoid me, which is fine. I dont want to keep talking about it.
Im sorry for your loss… she must have thought it was her time to go.
Nicks body couldn’t take anymore
2 Likes
You are lucky you have grandchildren, they will keep you busy x
My husband died without warning suddenly on the 29th feb. We wojld have had our 50th wedding anniversary April 5th his 69th birthday. He was never ill. He was strong and then just gone. His hart just stopped. I am in Spain on the holiday we booked to celebrate our anniversary. The sun is shining. The hotel is beautiful. The memories of all those times we had together here are all around me. I have never felt so alone in my life!!! My family and friends think i am brave and strong. But when i am alone in my room all i do is cry and struggle to breath! We had a stro g happy relationship. We spent a lot of time together. We shared our politics, our love of nature. Walking and being together. I dont know what to do now. I know im lucky i had that and for the many years i did. I have a large supportive family. I have great supportive friends. But im alone! Even surrounded by friends and family, im alone. I wish there was a sign post that said go this way. Or a menu that says do this now. I know the answer is with me but how do i find it without having his hand to hold.
4 Likes
@Patty1 so sorry for your loss
I bet you feel like youve lost an arm or something. Thats how i feel.
You are lucky you had all those years and special memories 
Me & Nick knew eachother in school. Lost touch after school until 2011 school reunion. We started seeing eachother 2012… 12 very happy years. We crammed so much in travelling, art exhibitions, music gigs… allsorts.
Laughed about so much, enjoyed eachothers company.
I feel so lost without him. Lonely, but i dont want to spend time with others.
Nick passed away from a brain tumour 20th April 2024. Only 54… extremely fit. Loved running and cycling. His funeral is 16th May.
Im dreading it… the only person i want with me is Nick
2 Likes
I know its so hard isnt it. I know im lucky i had all of that. We shared everything. We were as much in love when he died as when we married. We took early retirement in 2011. Moved to the coast in 2017. So many dreams we had came true. So many things we did together. He is in everything i do and everything i am.
2 Likes
I wish we had as long as you x
We had so many plans.
Nick took medical retirement… he walked our 3 dogs every day. We loved walking them together. Now im walking them alone. I cry lots then.
I was planning to go down to 3 days in work when i reached 60 so we could have long weekends. We enjoyed taking the dogs to Wales and the Lake District.
April we were going to Venice for our birthdays.
My 22yr old son said he will go with me in August. It definitely wont be the same.
We had a fantastic time in Rome last year… im holding on to that memory and all the rest.
I used to be married to a horrible man who is an alcoholic. I divorced him and felt relieved.
Nick restored my faith in men again. He was perfect to me in every way. I wish we had another 20 years together.
54 is no age x
5 Likes
No its not! Im sorry you didn’t have as long as us either. I look at couples who are older than us and i think its just not fair!!! I know i have a lot to be grateful for but i have a heavey rock in my chest and pressure in my head and i can’t stop the tears. When im with friends and family i act like me. Just like i always was. But it is an act.
2 Likes