My beautiful mother died on Sunday. I had looked after her for three years after she had a stroke. She also had vascular dementia, epilepsy and breast cancer.
She had been in hospital and seemed to be getting better but got the flu, started vomiting and stopped eating and drinking. We brought her home and it took her nearly a week to die. It was the most traumatic experience of my life. There was nothing peaceful about her passing, but at least I was holding her hand when she gasped her last breath.
Nothing prepared me for this and now I can’t sleep as when I close my eyes all I see is her in distress.
My dad is in bits. They were married for 64 years.
My brother has moved away and we don’t know where, he communicated through a cousin he would not be coming to the funeral as he has to protect his fragile mental health!
He is so selfish. He never came to visit mam even though I begged him to.
I really don’t know how to cope with it all.
Hello @Lusa,
I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your mum that brings you here. Your loss is so very recent, you might find our support page on the early stages of grief helpful to read right now.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help right now.
- Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
- Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
- Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
- Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
There is also a really supportive thread here which you might wish to post on.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Seaneen
Hi @Lusa
I’m so sorry you’ve lost you’re mum, I can relate to you, I lost my mum in January and people think I’m " over it "
Im fully functioning I suppose but I was like you traumatised by my mum’s passing as I always hoped she would go peacefully in her sleep.
It’s early days for you and all I can suggest is take a day at a time and be selfish, in positive way, do what you want when you want and let the tear’s flow.
All the best
Cheryl
Hi @Lusa,
I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s such early days for you in the grieving process & right now you’re in shock.
As @Pixiecat wisely says, please take one day at a time. Don’t put any pressure on yourself.
I’m 5 months in & I’m a mess. I miss my mum every minute of everyday.
There’s nothing you can do about your brother so put him out of your mind & use any energy you have on yourself & your dad.
I’m afraid the nightmares will likely continue as you process this, but remember you held your mum’s hand. You were there for her. The last thing she felt & heard was you & the love you have for her. 
Hello,
I’ve just found this forum. I lost my Mam 15 days ago and I am completely lost.
Having read your post I can empathise fully with you.
I am on my own. I have a brother and sister-in-law who have been great. But I come back to an empty house and I break. The funeral is in January and I’m trying to mentally prepare.
My Mams death was sudden so we are all in shock also. I’ve handled death before but I feel that this one is breaking me.
Sending you love 