Loss of my daughter aged 20

Hi I have looked at this site numerous times but not felt able to comment. It is 2 months now since my beautiful daughter suddenly and totally unexpectedly passed away. She was just 20 and was about to start her 3rd year at university. She is our only child. She was my life and we had the most fantastic relationship so very close. We spent so much time together as we enjoyed each other’s company as well as being Mum and daughter. I am struggling to accept that she has gone and our entire future has been destroyed- no more happy family times, no grandchildren, no future. How is it possible to survive such pain and loss? I feel so very lost and bewildered.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss.I can’t imagine what it is like to lose a child.You will get a massive amount of support from everyone in this group.If you want to let it all out,feel free to say whatever you need to say.It’s been a lifeline for all of us x Jill

Hi caitlins mum

I’m so sorry for the loss of your daughter. Lode is very unfair and cruel at times and you must be so devastated. I’m on this site because I struggle with the sudden loss of my mum but there are plenty of people on here who have lost adult children. I can only imagine that they havent seen your post.
If you look under the appropriate section you will find them.
I hope this site brings you some comfort, I have found it to be invaluable.
Cheryl x

Life not lode

Thank you Jill

Thank you Cheryl

hi Caitlin_s_mum
very sorry for the tragic loss of your daughter.
no words can ease the pain you must be going through.
I can only hope you get help from each other and you support one another,and also get help from your gp.i myself is far from coping with my situation.im waiting to get further bereavement counselling sessions.
hope fully you and your husband will get the strength from some where to
live through this and learn to live with the pain.As you will never forget your daughter.i know from other experiences that those we loved are always in our hearts.im here because my partner Jayne passed from cancer on 10th feb.but in 1986 my Sister Samantha who was fit and healthy had a tragic occurrence were she was in a running club and was sick and her airways were blocked .even now I miss her and she is always in my thoughts.i just hope you get all the help you need from family and friends to make things a little easier.

Thank you for your reply Ian. So sorry for your loss of your partner and your sister. Just struggling to see a way forward - our entire world has been ripped apart. just trying to survive each day - it feels like we have been asked to survive the impossible.

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I am so sorry that you’ve lost your daughter. I lost my younger son on the 20th October- he was 30 years old. His death was such a shock - I’m still struggling every day. Henry and I were very close, he suffered with his mental health and we spoke at least every day. We also spent a lot of time together and the pain of knowing I’ll never see him or speak to him again is crippling me. I’m getting support from friends and family- without them I don’t know how I’d manage. I’m sending you my love because that’s the positive emotion that binds us all. I’m so thankful I had 30 years with Henry.

Thank you - I am so sorry that you lost your son Henry. I understand how you are feeling. I am really struggling too - how can I possibly carry on with life without my beautiful daughter - she was my world. I think of her all day and all night. I like you have the support of family and friends who have been so kind but it doesn’t change how I feel - I just cannot imagine a future without Caitlin in it. I know I was blessed for 20 years by her presence but she had her whole future ahead of her and she has lost that future and we have lost our future too. I feel like I am being asked to do something which is impossible - going on without her- it’s just so heart breaking.
I wish there was something positive I could say to you to offer you comfort but all I can do is send you my love,thoughts and prayers xxx

Hello, I’m so so sorry you have joined this awful club that no one wants to be in. My beautiful son died in an accident last year and my world fell apart. It’s very early days for you. You will actually still be in shock. I found the brain shut down to protect me and emotions seep back a bit at a time. I didn’t want any part of a world that I felt I didn’t belong to anymore. I wanted to go away and live in isolation! I still can’t imagine a future. I felt for a long time that my son would be back. Try and just take things an hour at a time. The raw awful pain will change I promise. I got every book I could find on grief. I found them helpful to read what I was feeling, as I thought I was loosing my mind at times. Please message me anytime. Love and strength to you xx

Thank you for your thoughts and love. Henry’s brother has downloaded the Headspace app to my phone and I’m finding that useful. I meditate when I’m feeling those unstoppable waves of anguish. I know it’s very early days and I’m grateful for this site and people understanding.

Thank you for your response - it is the worst club in the world to belong to. I am so sorry that you lost your beautiful son.
I also feel I’m losing my mind - I just cannot make sense of it all and think she will be back home soon. It doesn’t help that she was totally fit and had never been ill in her life. We still have no cause of death - she just never woke up from her sleep.
I miss her so desperately- it’s unbearable.It helps to know that others have been here and have survived - even that seems unbelievable at the moment.
Since I lost Caitlin I have also started with Tinnitus which makes me feel even more miserable and trapped - I am hoping it’s just a response to the stress and the anxiety I have been feeling. I don’t know if anyone else has had this issue?
Thank you again it helps to know others understand the desperation I feel as I feel,
Love and strength to you too xx

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Thank you - I will look at the Headspace App- ironically my daughter has this downloaded on her phone as well,
Thank you,

I am so desperately sorry that you’re suffering - no one can help us and there appears no let up to it. I can distract myself for periods of time but without warning a wave of grief engulfs me and my heart literally aches. I’ve not driven any distance on my own for fear of having a panic attack- something I’ve never experienced before and which are quite terrifying. The meditation helps me get them under control.

When you’ve invested so much of yourself in your child the fact they can just be gone forever seems an impossible truth. I literally looked for Henry when I first heard he’d died…I couldn’t comprehend it. So I understand about thinking you’re losing your mind. I felt that - especially when the grief literally engulfed me and I felt I was drowning in tears.

I have another son and also step children and grandchildren. However Henry’s death has given us all a terrible loss to bear and learn to live with. My heart goes out to you that you’ve lost your beautiful daughter and the chance of grandchildren. Seems an added cruelty, the lost future.

All our grief journeys are different but the agony is the same. I’m thinking of you and send you love and hugs.

I am so sorry to hear this. We lost our Lisa on 25th July this year. 4 months on the pain is still with us but we are all trying to do normal things. We have her little 3 year old to keep us going though. We also have her elder sister who was there at the start of her devastating journey through 9 weeks on life support. She was nearer to the hospital she was taken on return from holiday and took the brunt of the hell on earth we were all to go through.
She is still grieving terribly but is back running her business now.
There are no words which will ease your pain. Your love for your girl will always be within you. That never leaves us.
This forum has been such a help to me and we can say anything at all as none of us is afraid to bare our souls.
Everything we say, someone else has said and felt the same.
Your heart is broken for sure, love goes on though.
With love to you. Kate xx

Thank you I appreciate your support and understanding xx

Thank you Kate I am so sorry for yours and your family’s loss too xx

And I am for yours my love.
We have all made friends here, online but we are close as we are all in the same situation. If nothing else, this is a release as we can off load our most terrible feelings. It’s awful for us all but we can gain strength from each other and learn from others how we can cope! If you get me. It helps so much my love. You are not alone ever!, we are all in this terrible situation together so no matter what time of day or night we are all available. It has been such a lifeline for me.xxxx

It surprised me that I didn’t know before this just how physical grieving is. Everyone thinks it just all about feelings but the level of shock you feel when your child dies manifests itself in a lot of ways. I took panic attacks, I still do now and again. I remember the awful pain in my neck and shoulders. The physical tiredness from getting through each day. The crippling memory loss which I still have. You can’t even remember words when having a conversation. But when you think of our loss is it really surprising we should feel these things. And we no longer plan because to plan is to look to the future but we can’t imagine a future so we have to live day by day literally. Love to all xx