Thank you. It’s helpful just knowing that people do survive as it’s so hard to imagine carrying on. I cannot imagine ever accepting or getting used to this world without her- it seems so pointless and empty. I am dreading the next few weeks as it has been as if she has been away at uni and will be coming home again soon. But I know she won’t be. It’s just beyond anything anyone should be expected to endure. I know everyone will be feeling the same over the next few weeks, take care xx
Everything you say is so true. I have anxiety attacks now and feel so scared of everyday situations. It’s as if I am an entirely different person now. I feel so empty and sad all of the time. As you say we don’t plan- there is nothing to plan for anymore. Just nothing to take us forward or to hope for. I hope others have managed to find a future again but I cannot see how it is possible at the moment.
Thank you it’s good to know others understand xx
I know I know. I was just out walking the dogs and suddenly had a complete meltdown. The physical kind when you double up holding your stomach as it’s where we carried our babies. I held on to a fence and screamed ‘Lisa Lisa help me to get through this’ I couldn’t care less if anyone heard me but I think the path was deserted.
It is so unreal, so unacceptable, so wrong that our babies have left before us. I really don’t know how any of us cope but talking here is definitely a great comfort.
The prospect of Christmas and of Brooke’s birthday in January seem an ask too far but we need to be there for Jamie, Lisa’s partner, and our little one.
I wish I could put my arms around you and tell you it will get easier to live without them but i don’t know if that’s possible either.
All i can say is that there will be better days.
With love. Kate xx
Thanks Kate. It’s so awful when you feel that way - I call out to Caitlin often - I even wake my husband up at times as I struggle to sleep and when I do manage a little I just call her name.
I know she is around me often as I can feel her here but I just want her back as before.
I watch all her young friends living their lives and feel so heartbroken for what she is missing and what we are missing too. It seems obscene that the world carries on and has not stopped turning!
I hope you have a better day tomorrow xx
I hope we all do. It breaks my heart that our little Brooke is growing up without her Mummy. She did a great job bringing her up these past 3 and a half years but I just hope she will remember her arms around her and her smell. I am wearing Lisa’s perfume now and I hope its comforting to Brooke.xx
That is so sad- it must be hard knowing what your daughter and granddaughter is missing out on - so sorry xx
It is sad but at the same time keeps us all going if you get me? Life is going on through this beautiful we girl.xx
Hello @Caitlin_s_mum
I feel your pain lovely lady. I lost my son in April, everyday is a struggle. I cannot make sense of it, but try and think of all of the good times. Although i wish that he was here everyday, i will always have the memories. You will never forget, but you will get to a point where you can cope and things will get a bit easier.
It is not a club that anyone wants to belong to, but you are not alone.
Thank you Denise. I am so sorry to hear about your son. I am feeling really bad today- I hardly slept and that makes me less able to cope.I am struggling to allow myself to remember the happy times at the moment as I find it just too painful to remember. I hope this changes as my daughter was so very wonderful in so many ways and her 20 years were so full of love and happiness. We were like 2 halves of the same person and I just feel totally destroyed. I just feel there is no future anymore without her- she was our only child so she was our entire future. It amazes me I have got this far to be honest- I didn’t think it would be humanly possible to survive such anguish but I wake up each day and have no choice but to carry on.
I’m glad things did get a little easier for you, I know you must be a strong person to have got this far- I hope I too can get through the darkness xxx
You can do thisi promise. You will have days that are hard. I totally lost it on Saturday. I still find it hard to sleep but it will come my lovely. We will never be the same , but to feel the way we do we must have loved them an awful lot. Allow yourself to feel how you want to feel, there are no hard and fast rules for this.
Always remember that you are not alone, and there is always somewhere to turn.
Sending you lots of hugs.
Thank you Denise- much love and hugs back xx
Hi Caitlin
I’m sorry I dont have anything very constructive to add but I’m so sorry for your loss. My brother died a few months ago and the grief and depression is sometimes all consuming. I worry a lot about my mum and dad.
I love spending time with my mum and I know that bond is very special and you must feel very bereft. Everyone said this to me after my brother died but try to celebrate her life more than mourn her loss. Its almost impossible to do and all you want to do is scream and tell the world about how wonderful that person was…IS…but the energy required is too much to do that all the time.
We’re all in it together so keep strong and one day you will feel calmer and maybe even allow yourself to be happy. X
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Thank you very much- sorry for your loss of your brother and also for your parents loss of their son- it is all so heartbreaking xx
Hello Caitlin,
I lost my son who was 34 at the time from a brain tumour. in December 2016 after 4 years of fight. It is hard to even comprehend, there are several of us on this site look under “loss of our son aged 27” you will find us all there, we all support one another, Wynne lost her only son Daniel, I lost Sam, Victoria lost Gemma, Kate lost Lisa, Marina too and a lady called Maddie. You will find our posts, it helps to know that there is a section for the loss of an adult child. It doesn’t really matter what age they are, they are a part of you.
With love
Helen
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Hi Helen, just seen your post. I have been in conversation with Caitlins Mum too. Very difficult for her.
Kate xx
Thank you Sam’s mum for your kind words. I must confess I find the site a bit difficult to navigate at times. It’s now 4 months since we lost Caitlin and things are still so painful. I struggle especially on a morning- I just can’t face another day without her. I spend much of the time in tears - I still find it hard to believe this has happened. Ive always been a positive person and could have survived anything but the loss of Caitlin- she is my absolute world. I just feel I have no future at all - how can I ever find any peace without my beautiful girl!
I know I sound so negative but I truly wish I could just go to her and be with her. This pain is so unbearable as you know yourself it’s hard to imagine its survivable.
I read your post and it amazed me that you lost your lovely son in 2016 and you are still standing- you must be a brave and strong women that’s for sure.
Thank you again,
xxx
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My love we all know how terrible you feel as we have all felt like you. It feels so hopeless at first. When the first shock leaves the reality for us all to face. It’s the worst thing any mother can face. Its cruel and unfair, but it has happened to us all on this site and we all understand each other.
Hang in there and we will all help each other.
With love. Kate xx
Hi Caitlns Mum,
I agree 100% with Kate. We all know what you are going through and are here to help you through it.
Sending you big hugs and kisses.
Denise
Thank you xx
Thank you xx