Agree with you there Trish.
If only one can see you right through you.
I suppose we that courage in life different from any kind of courage. To face life again and different in so many ways.
Hope everyone is keeping safe. Its really windy here.
Today has been a sad day for me ifeel this hole year has been hard inhave had a very hard day still crying still missing him i cannot make this pain go away then if it went away i would think i had forgot all about him and i never want to do that if we would have had kids maybe things would be different for me oh how i miss him
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Hi sassychic, I know exactly how you feel 
my husband died one year ago last Monday, it was an awful day, I cried a lot and prayed for him but I don’t have children either and after 50 years of marriage feel totally lost 
Sassychic,you want the pain to stop but if it does you think you’ll have forgotten about him?
I hear exactly what you’re saying but we can’t be putting ourselves in a state of feeling guilty for the pain going.
If we don’t have our lost loved ones at the very front of our thoughts all day,keeping us upset,it doesn’t for one second take our everlasting love for them away. I can’t push those thoughts back yet,it’s too soon but if I feel guilty for the short moments of respite from the hurt,I’ll never feel happier.
We should never feel guilty of grieving but also,we should never feel guilty for being able to choose the time or place to let grief hit us again. I’m trying to let my wife walk with me rather than carry her on my back,if that makes sense.
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Sassychic, I agree with Andy, Just because you stop grieving does not mean you have forgotten your partner. I am almost 16 months in to this journey. I am able to have happy memories of our time together without the overwhelming sadness that used to accompany them. They now actually make me smile. Sometimes I even get a warm sort of content feeling. She pops up everywhere. I was at my wife’s book club that I had joined accidently some time ago, I used to take my wife to the book club, leave and return to collect her. On this occasion the club was struggling to choose a book, so I made the mistake of suggesting The Rosie Project. The decided on it. I would have got away with it, but the next meeting was at our house. My Darling being disabled meant that I had to be there to provide the coffee and nibbles, so when they insisted that I join in the discussions I could not refuse, so I became a member. After my Darling left me I did not attend the first meeting, they phoned me and aske me to keep going. Anyway at a fairly recent meeting they said that I had to choose the book, I distinctly heard Elizabeth say in my head “The L Shaped Room” It turned out to be a good choice, so Thankyou Elizabeth. I feel her with me quite often, I don’t know why, perhaps it is because I was her carer due to her Parkinson’s for 20 odd years and we did so much together that she has not totally left me.
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I know exactly how you geel i lost my wife in june she was only 58 and she was a angel cared for everyone definitely one of a kind.
I am very sorry for your loss. Have you got any support?
I did everything myself, too, so I can relate. And, you have two jobs when your partner passes, what they did and your own stuff. I think it’s hard for people to be w/someone grieving. My own idea is they almost think it’s contagious and don’t want to even think about it because they realize how fragile their own lives are.
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I have but it doesn’t seem to help i lost my homw as well as her son and had a disagreement and put so much pressure on me i as he told me i couldn’t se my wife again my hart just fell out i had to leave but i wish i didn’t but my head was in bits and i want to go back to the town i was happy but don’t think i can but i do want too
Hi wayne1
Families can be so hard to get along with but if you made his mum happy what more could he ask for
Had a terrible weekend i have been poorly and the one time i needed paul he was always there when i was poorly and now i have to do this on my own i wish he was here its so hard without him people say it will get better with time well ii has been coming up on september 5 years and i still do not know how to cope and i do not feel any better what is the point
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Hi sassychic, it’s unbearably hard and when you are not well even harder to struggle along, alone……but you must try to stay strong and find a purpose, anything will do, the beauty of a sunset, the perfume of a flower, and you need to remember that Paul would want you to go on, be happy and live and experience things for him too. Luv and hugs, Trish x
Hi trish
Thank you for your kind words i will try
Sarah
Hi
I dont know why the good have to be taken from us life just does not seem fair at all paul was a very kind and loving man and would help anybody out we did not have any children so it is just me now and i am trying to cope with all of it
Sarah
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Hello,I used to be on the site after losing my lovely Daughter Dawn .But I have now lost my beautiful Husband John 3 weeks ago . I never expected to leave me so soon . Although he was 87 everyone told him how well he looked . We due to go on a cruise this weekend . I have read all your post , and I can relate to everything you all say . The loneliness is unbearable , although family have been great . Oh how I want to see his lovely face and feel his arms around me again . Madddy
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Oh Maddie, my heartfelt thoughts are with you. Nothing will ease the pain of losing your lifelong partner, but try to take comfort from the wonderful times that you shared together. Take care, luv Trish
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Oh Thankyou Trish , is so hard isn’t it. We had such a wonder life together ,we did everything as a couple . Losing our Daughter I thought was the worse thing possible .And I have never got over losing her But my aches for my beautiful Husband . I am starting councilling this week . Life stops straight away . I’ve never felt so lonely in my life . Friends and neighbours have Ben good , but can never replace what you have lost ,everything seems. Pointless Regards Maddy
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I went to counselling after my husband died, it helped to be able to cry and not feel judged/embarrassed, but the pain is with you constantly. I am into 13 months without him and it is as painful as the first month:face_holding_back_tears: after 6 months I joined a choir and just for an odd minute when focussing on harmonies, I need to let him go, but only for a minute 
sending you lots of hugs 
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I am so sorry for your loss Trish , I know it will never get better. . But when we lost Dawn we had each other and used to have lots of holidays to see us through it . But this so different when you have lost your solemate . My Daughter is trying to get me to join something , and keeping busy . But at the moment I can’t stop crying . Neighbours have asked me to join them for various things ,but I hate being in an empty house . If I go out in the car I cry , as everywhere reminds me of John .love Maddy
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It’s much too early to plan things, it’s only 3 weeks so you need to cry a lot, you will when you go to counselling and this helps. I ‘speak’ to my husband every night (and day) sounds daft but it really does help and the bereavement counsellor agreed too. It’s nice to think that he may be in a good place and looking out for you, I hope you can find comfort soon 
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