I lost my husband on the 9th Jan 2018 to a rare form of cancer i dont know how i can carry on without him i never thought i would be a widow at 44 my husband was 43 we found each other late in life 2015 got married October 2016 i just feel so alone and heartbroken xx
Dear Mattocks,
I am so sorry to read your post. My lovely husband passed away in August after a short hard battle with cancer. We had been married 32 years but it really didn’t seem that long. I am 57 and didn’t expect to be a widow at this age either. I didn’t think I could carry on but we just have to take each day as it comes. I still cry every day for him, but only once now instead of 4 or 5. It’s the what ifs and why us, and seeing couples out together which is so hard. I miss just having general conversations or commenting on something we both liked on tv. I hope you have some family support, and you will find comfort here as we are all in the same boat.
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Hi Mattocks2510
I am sorry that you have had to join this heartbreaking journey I can’t say anything that will take your pain away but I can assure you with joining this forum there are so many off us that are felling your pain with you.
I am truly sorry but you are not alone we are all here to help you and each other .
You are still so raw and you will still be in shock I hope you have support around you .
Please take care and as I say you are not alone sending big hugs to you and everyone on the site .
Lily
Thank you for your message im so sorry for your loss to it just seems so unreal at the minute i don’t think it helps that my husband was basically treated badly from the start he had cancer for at least six months and was told it was thrush then it was diagnosed January 2017 by then obviously it had got worse so really what i am saying that i am angry but im trying not to be because it will not bring my beloved husband back i just feel me and our children and of course my husband should have had our whole life in front of us i just dont know how to feel what to do for me and our kids
Thank you so much for your reply and yes i think i am still in shock i just keep expecting him to walk back in i just dont know how to feel or what to do
Hi Mattocks2510
I am truly sorry for what happened to your husband and as I say you will still be raw and in shock it is such a short time since your husbands passing it is so much to take in .
It’s so overwhelming and heartbreaking and your mind is all over the place it’s hard just trying to function.
I lost my husband George on the 26 th of November we were together for 36 years married for 30years I was 16 when I got married and George was 18 he was my first love and we had 5 children who are all adults now and I am still all over the place I cry everyday I miss him with every fiber of my being.
I know how you are felling we fell robbed of the time that should have been in front of us and the life that we should have had I’m older than you but please believe me I also fell robbed we all do please keep posting on the forum as I know others will contact you to give support big hug to you and your children .
Lily
Thank you for your reply im so sorry for your loss also yes its so raw and so unreal i cant function at all too be honest he was my everything i just wanted to talk to people who know what i am going through my husbands funeral isnt until the 5th february so such a long wait my heart is broken hugs to you all x
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Hi Mattocks2510
I felt I didn’t start grieving for George properly until after the funeral as there is so much to do so many people coming in and out of the house and making all the arrangements it’s all done in such a fog it just fells so unreal I felt as if it wasn’t me doing all these things .
It’s wasn’t till after I had scattered George’s ashes and went home to my own house and I was alone that the fog started to lift and then I really started to grieve .
My heart goes out to you and I also found it a great help to talk to people who know how it fells and ask things that sound daft but the other people on the forum understand we all go through this in different ways there is no right or wrong way but we are all here to muddle through together thinking of you take care .
Big hugs to you and everyone on the forum .
Lily
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Hi there .yes i feel your pain i lost my husband 22 nov 2017 he was aged 36 iam aged 42 he committed sucide and leaves his only child aged 11.its horrendous and ive never felt pain like it .iam in a very dark place but i have to carry on for our sons sake.i like you feel alone and so sad i really just cant see any light at the end of the tunnel it is heart breaking x
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Im so very sorry to hear about your husband and yes the pain you are experiencing is unbearable same here bad yes we have to carry on for our children if i didnt have mine i wudnt know what to do
I have recently lost My Husband to a Cardiac Arrest!
I feel your pain
He would of been 44 next month!
Like you I never for a moment expected to be a widow at this age!
Im just exisiting at the moment 
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Im so sorry for your loss like you im just exsisting cant function at all at the minute im here for you
Hi Mattocks
So sorry for your loss, my husband Jack had a fall and went into hospital on the 16th November 2017, on the 28th November the doctors told me he had terminal liver cancer, which had spread to his lymph nodes and adrenal glands, the shock was indescribable. He died 8 days later on 6th December, Christmas didn’t exist, I didn’t do cards or presents. I stayed at my daughters for over 4 weeks, then I came back to my home. Like you I feel so lonely and heartbroken. I don’t know what to do, we were always together just the two of us, I haven’t slept properly for weeks. I don’t drive and he always took me out in the car, my daughter helps when she can, but she’s got her work and family. I miss him so much, the pain is unbearable, I’m crying as I write this. I joined this forum and I think it does help a little bit, to know that so many others are in the same situation as we are. Like me all you can do is try to get through each day, I’ll be thinking of you.
Janet xx
Hi perce74
I am so sorry that you are here with us all on the overwhelming journey .
I also lost my husband George he took a blood clot that traveled to his heart it happened on the 11 th of October he fought so hard to stay with me until he couldn’t fight any longer and passed away on the 26 November.
We were married for 30 years I meet George when we’re kids I was 10 years old and he was 12.
He was the love of my life we got married when I was 16 and he was 18 and they were such amazing years 5 children and 3 grandchildren they passed so quickly .
It seems just like yesterday when he was playing football in the park and I was playing with my pals in the same park just two kids full of life with there life’s in front of them .
I am as everyone on this forum is just trying so hard to find a way to live day by day I am thinking of you and everyone on the forum big hugs to you all .
Lily
Hi Janet im so sorry for your loss like you say the pain is absolutely heart breaking my husband had a rare cancer in men his age he was only 43 and this cancer usually affects older men but it is getting more common it was penile cancer he had two operations then by the time he had recovered he was getting infection then sepsis he got over that but then it had spread to lymph nodes pelvis and groin then spread upwards im just struggling so much xx
I also lost my husband John to brain cancer we only had 4 wonderful years together and he was sick for 3 of them and it feels so unfair that I found the person I should have been with my whole life and then he was taken from me. He passed in sept 2016 at 54 and I still cannot get over it some days are better then others and I know he is gone forever but I just want him back. I feel like the grief is worse now then it was when he first passed away but it’s a process we take one day at a time. I am sorry for everyone’s loss and at least know that we are all feeling the same things.
I am so sad for you. My husband died 18th Jan 2018…still very raw. We had 12 years together I am 39 with a 9 year old son. We are struggling to believe he is gone. Multiple myeloma took my perfect hubby. Life is so unfair. I hope you have plenty of family and friends to help you through it.
Hello MrsHLB
All I can say is I am truly sorry my heart goes out to you and you son nothing I can say will take your pain away you are both in my prayers big hugs to you both .
Lily
Hi Mattocks2510
I am so sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you and your family . I am so pleased you have found this Community where people can help support you. I lost my husband suddenly in 2003 I was 24 years old and we had a 2 year old son. In my experience the pain never goes away, I still have bad days but through the love of my son I am living life again also because I know that is what my husband would have wanted
Big hug
Rachel x
It is such a difficult painful time for us all :-(.
Xx