Hi Paul, it’s been a hard today just keep crying and so alone. Need to find things to do in the evenings I find the hardest time off the day. Where are you based? Mark
I live in Spain. I’m sort of getting used to being alone or at least accepting it. Have you got support where you are?
Keep talking if is helps you through the evenings.
I do have a good family and friends supporting me. It’s just so different isn’t it without our husbands being beside us to talk.
My family and friends are supportive but all live in other countries so my support is all “on line” if that makes sense. It is a huge gap when someone is not at your side. I’m forever thinking to myself… oh, I must tell Steve that …or …… he’ll like that. Are you in the UK? If you are retired like me, then the days do seem very long sometimes.
Hi Paul, yes I’m in the UK. I still talk to Jonathan a lot and I’m 3 or 4 minutes walk from his grave which I go al least twice a day. I’ve gone back to work part time. I’m 49 and Jonathan was 64.
Evening Mark,
I know what you mean about talking…… I often do too. I’m 73 ( ancient!) and Steve was only 62 and had 41 years together of which 8 years when we were both “retired” so luckier than many.
It’s good that you have part time work…. I wish I had something to do. People suggest charity work and all that…… but really? Take care of yourself and make the most of your friends and family who want to support you. Paul
Hi albayzin, long time since we chatted how are you feeling my friend? Hope you’re looking after yourself. M
Hi Mark,
Good to hear from you. How are you doing. I’m ok but very lonely as you might expect. Go for days without speaking to anyone. I’m naturally shy so finding it hard… but getting by.
Are you ok?
Paul
Hi Paul, it’s been a tough week again but we must try hard to carry on. Im sad to hear you’re lonely and don’t speak to anyone. We should maybe exchange numbers I like to talk . Mark
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Hello everyone,
I just wanted to post a gentle reminder about sharing personal details on the community.
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Seaneen
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I have tried to follow their instructions to send you a private message but can’t even find the first step where is says click on profile pic top right! Had tried to send you my number but the message was deleted. I’ll have another look later…I must be missing something.
Hello @albayzin, if you visit Mark’s profile by clicking this link:
then click, “Private message”, you can send a private message to Mark.
I hope this is helpful
Seaneen
Thank you very much for your help
Hi I lost Mal my partner of 23 years last August and you are so right about the loneliness. After everyone not unreasonably moves on with their lives, the sense of loneliness can be almost crippling sometimes. I’m trying hard to move on but it just feels like I’m existing now not living as we used to. I don’t have any really close gay friends and I think that makes it harder.
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I’m so sorry to hear of your loss Marchon and I can so relate to that loneliness but also an emptiness inside where I feel I not only lost my husband in February but feel I’ve lost a big part of myself at the same time.
You don’t realise you have almost become one entity. I feel I will have to reinvent myself as well as my life but it seems too much of an effort just now.
I often think that as gay people we are fishing in a much smaller pool when looking to develop long term relationships and so they feel so much more valuable.
I know we always felt so lucky to have found each other all those years ago and when society was so much more judgemental.
We too had no gay friends and our families live at the other end of the country. Other friends have been supportive but I’m not sure if they quite get it.
You have hit the nail on the head there. Fishing in a smaller pool is spot on and just what I’ve been trying to explain to one of my friends who thinks I’ll have no problem moving on and finding someone else. He just doesn’t get it. I guess that is what makes what we had with our partners all the more special.
We were together for 44 years and it was our 10th wedding anniversary last week an awful day when the loneliness felt just crushing. We were such a self contained unit in many ways and although we had good friends and family we didn’t really need anyone else. I just know I will never be able to recreate that closeness and sense of being just one.
You must appreciate every one of those 44 years DRG. I had but 24 with my partner and I cherish every one. As with you, we were ‘a unit’ and my life will never be the same without Mal, I know that but it doesn’t help that overwhelming sense of loneliness I get whenever I come home and shut the front door. We had a great life and always said how lucky we were so you just have to try and remember the good times, the laughs and the fun and try and move on. Don’t know how but I guess it’s just taking it day by day and trying SO hard to remember that he wouldn’t have wanted me to give up and instead to try and enjoy life. I expect that it’s the same with you?
I think that’s a key thing Marchon, to remember what my husband, Graeme, would have wanted for me and indeed what I would have wanted for him if it was the other way round. He would want me to try and pick up the pieces and go on - but going on seems so pointless without him just at the moment although I know it is only 5 months since he died. I have that same empty loneliness feeling when I come back into the house and I only have to see a photo or something of his to trigger the tears. It is so wearing but I guess it’s because we meant so much to each other. By the way don’t say you just had 24 years - I think the duration of a relationship is less important than the content and the depth of your connection which I can tell by your comments was as deep as ours. Take care.
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You too. Thanks for your comment about the years - you are so right. People were amazed at how much we seemed to fit into our life together, so I have so many memories to look back on. Thanks again, all the very best and do hang in there!