Good afternoon to everyone. This is the first time I have been on this site,although I have read many of your messages on it. I really dont know how to put into words the way I feel. I lost my husband ALAN Seventeen months ago, we had been married one month short of 55 years, He fell ill in May 2022 and after being in & out of hospital passed away at home in September.He had Pulmonary Fibrosis but never knew it until he became ill. I have 4 grown up childres & 5 grandchildren,all of which are lovely & try to help me, As good as they are they are not Alan. We met when I was 15 & were never apart. I have always been really busy looking after the kids & grandkids & both elderly Parents who both lived till they were 95. I always had a dog but lost my last one just before the Pandemic. I would love to get another one but have bone to bone Arthritis in both knees , so makes is difficult to walk far.I dont drive so spend a lot of time alone, which I am so not used to. It is so lonely now.
I was told it is good to write your thoughts down so today as I am feeling sorry for myself I thought I would. I have found this second year harder than the first. I expect I will feel brighter tomorrow fingers crossed. I am so sorry to waffel on but think it might help me to share my story , Pat x


Hi from jeff . You have absolutely no reason to oppologise . We are all here for much the same reason and if it helps thats a good thing . Hope i can say we all feel the lose you are experiencing as we have and are all in the same leaky boat . So when you feel the need you will find friends here as i have . Take care x


Thank you so much for your kind words x

So very sorry for your loss and loneliness, which we all share. I too would love a dog but also have arthritis. A neighbour has suggested that I foster cats for the RSPCA, which I’m considering. They’d be indoor-only, and I’d just be short-term respite care while permanent homes are found. You might be able to do the same for an older dog that doesn’t need much walking. I just think, anything to stop the house being so lonely.

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Thank you for your reply, I did start looking at cats as I have had cats before so I too may go down that route. My Daughter has a French Bulldog which dosent need a lot of walking, he is quite happy sleeping. She thinks I would be okay with one, but I will see. I think I need to be absolutely sure first. Have you had Arthritis for long? Its hard not being able to do all the things I used to do, but thats just i`m getting older.
Hope we can talk again.

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Not very long, but I had my first hip replacement in 2019, and now the other hip is going. I’ve got quite a large garden, too, so being alone now is daunting and a bit frightening, quite apart from the grief. It’s all so hard, isn’t it?

You are braver than me, I am scared stiff to have my knees done, even though my kids think I should. Yes, it`s really difficult moving around so makes gardening hard work. Luckily for me one of my sons is a Gardener so he does mine & its only small. Have you been Widowed long? I find this time of year hard with all the dark nights, but hopefully Spring is round the corner. Just been watching the Skating & a repeat of the Larkins & now its time for bed. Hope we can talk again soon. Good Night too you.

Well you have to think of the new you after you have it done . And if it gives your independence back that’s got to be a good thing :+1: x

This is my garden set in the Japanese style . It pretty much looks after itself . All the best


Wow thats beautiful. Nothing like mine, if I can get my Daughter to show me how to upload a picture I will put one on of mine. Yours looks very Tranquil, mines not. x

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The thought of an operation terrifies me. But time will tell if I pluck up enough courage x

Thank you I spend a lot of time in the tea house in the better months . I would rather be there than anywhere else !! x

That’s beautiful

Hi just reading about your anxiety for new hip I had a hip replacement last year aged 54 as I had arthritis in it and struggles to care for my husband who was terminally ill then the operation is a doddle there’s nothing to be frightened of I actually stayed awake during it and just had epidural and nerve blockers it is like night and day it let me care for Alex in his final months but how I can walk without chronic pain you should derisory give it some thought as being able to be more active might then help with the sense of loneliness which like you is just too awful to make it into words xx


Jeff your garden looks stunning

Thanks you . There is a large pond with waterfall . Taken a lot years to create. But a labour of love !! x

Hi I am really pleased your hip op went well, but mine is not my Hip it`s Knees & I need 2 new ones. I have had Physio, accupuncture, & injections over the last 15 years but now they have bones rubbing against bones an op is the only thing left. I made the mistake of watching the op on line , definately the wrong thing to do. I will probably have to give in eventually.I will let you know if I do x

Not brave; it got to the stage where I couldn’t walk, so it had to be done even though I was terrified.
My partner died very suddenly in October; the police came round with the news, which of course is a scenario that keeps going round my head on video-loop. No, the dark evenings aren’t helping, and I live in the Land of Rain, so it’s been non-stop downpours since Christmas.

Wow @Jeff007 …fabulous garden!

How awful being told of your partners death like that. It is still early days for you so this Winter must have been very sad. My Husband passed away 17 months ago & I still cant beleive it has happened. I am coming up 76 now & we were together for 60 years. The family think I am doing alright but its just an act you put on when in fact you are dying inside. I will see about getting my knees done, but I expect the waiting list is very long. Are you going to have your other hip done? I have just been watching the Football on tv Arsenal are playing but it`s very one sided so going back downstairs to watch all the soaps I have recorded. I hope you have a good evening. Take care
Pat x