I know exactly how you are feeling being only six weeks for me but I think you are probably still in shock. I never thought it possible to get past the shock of it but I’m not pacing the rooms now with my mind screaming at me. I’m getting great comfort from this forum and not feeling so alone when I read so many posts I can identify with. We will get through the worst of this together.X
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I now know I’m not alone and that others feel like me x
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I try and make a bit of an effort when my daughter is here. When I am alone it’s a tin of soup or cheese and crackers. I do have a multivitamin tablet every day.
Oooh, and two cans of lager and lime, purely medicinal, the lime prevents scurvy. 
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I don’t drink much but now I have two glasses of wine now most nights.Not good I know but it helps with sleep.
I don’t drink it in our sitting room as it feels too terrible to be enjoying a social drink sitting here all alone so I take it to bed still all alone…
A bag of crisps or cornflakes is my supper the only food I will have eaten
I know my wonderful and caring husband would Tick me off if he was here.Trouble is he is not.
He is always in my mind and always will be as I love him so much.
To read on here things I thought only I felt is so terrible and my heart goes out to every one as I truly know how every one feels.
It is a relief to post on here as I am unable to say these things to friends and even family members.
Some people will never under understand YET
and I know they think I should be over it or just get on with it. One Day !!!
Sending all my love and comfort xxx
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Yes, it’s good to be able to be honest here. Everyone I know thinks I am doing alright. They don’t see me when I am sobbing. They tell me how brave I am, how he would be proud of me. How tidy my house is. I am not brave, I am desolate that this miserable life is as good as it gets, he wouldn’t be proud, he would be worried because he knows me well enough to see that it’s all an act. The house only gets tidied up when I have visitors. It usually looks like a bomb has gone off. Which it has.
Xx
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Has anyone tried sleeping pills from the Drs as I am really struggling. I haven’t had a proper nights sleep since we were told of Philip’s diagnosis. I work nights and I am really struggling to keep it together at both home and work. Xx
I had to beg my GP for some…they gave me some but said they are only temporary as addictive…I thought so what I don’t care so long as I can get some sleep ! Now my husband has passed I still need them as I keep replaying how he collapsed and died with me calling 999 and sobbing uncontrollably while I waited ( I did not know he had gone I just made sure his airways were clear and kept talking and talking to him not knowing he already could not hear me ) I hope the GP will give me some more soon…I will beg and beg. I hope your GP is kind and understanding. x
I am so sorry for your very sad loss and the circumstances. I had unpleasant circumstances too which I keep replaying. Maybe some counselling would help you to process everything. The sadness is awful isn’t it and I feel that we have to work through it but it is so very hard. I hope you manage to get some sleep xx
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thank you for replying…did you have counselling at all ? I might look into but need to get the funeral over ( next week ) I know it is really early stages for me and I am realistic
xx
Thank you again
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I have been on 7.5m zoplicone for over 10years don’t have any probs with side effects they are on repeat scripts not perfect but they help me.
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so weird how some GP’s will prescribe and some won’t…I am only currently on 3.75 and that helps me
x
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We have our funeral in a couple of weeks and not I haven’t had counselling as yet. If I feel that I should, then I would seek help. It is a truly horrible experience isn’t it? xx
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so horrible…I am cleaning house from top to bottom today ready for his farewell gathering…want it lovely and sparkling…helps me to keep very very busy xxx good luck to you
x
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