Hello Dol 1
We watched the Chase every night and now I can’t watch it. It’s so hard isn’t it? I just watch Sky news now all evening and until I go to bed. Yes, the garden is not the same and the flowers coming out don’t make me happy any more as I can’t share them.
It is so hard if you catch sight of one of the many selfies we took, there are so many and I will never delete them but it reminds me of happy times.
Hugs xx
My grandson made a memorial planter for my wife,I filled it with her favourite Lillie’s,we also kept a small urn of her ashes back and planted that in too,it’s sat on the decking close to the seating,I feel she is still so close to me whenever I sit outside now.
Hi @Harriet4Bill it’s very hard trying to keep on top of the things that our husband’s dealt with. My garden is quite large and it really does need two people to do it. I liked sitting in the garden whilst my husband did everything out there. At first I struggled with going out there but it was getting neglected so had to knuckle down and get on with it. I do have someone who cuts the grass for me but I do everything else now. It’s not easy by any means but it is looking better now. Although I still can’t sit out there. If I lived near you I would come and help you. Take care.x
I am in the same position. I have someone to cut the lawn but the rest is for me to do. It is hard work even if you don’t have a big garden. Wouldn’t it be nice if some of us could actually meet for mutual support. We are all in the same sad position even if at different stages.
x
@Poll6 Many people on here must be in very difficult situations where a helping hand would not only benefit the recipient but also the person offering the help. Several times I have seen this sort of suggestion being made. One of the problems is that no-one knows what area of the country other people are in and rightly so, contributors to this forum are all potentially vulnerable and are rightly protected by personal information that could be used to id. people being kept from public view.
I am sure that face to face under the right circumstances, even for a cup of coffee could be very beneficial, so my question is has the Sue Ryder organisation ever looked at or considered it feasible to create some sort of above all safe contact system on the forum?
Be interesting to see how contributors (and the Sue Ryder organisation) on here see this.
I do so agree with you and hope that the Sue Ryder organisation see this and respond positively. Of course it is of the utmost importance to protect vulnerable people but it would be good if there was a way for people to meet locally and share face to face.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. We offer in-person support through our Grief Kind Spaces. Our Grief Kind Spaces are weekly, in-person drop-in sessions held in the local community and run by trained volunteers. The sessions provide a safe, informal and supportive place for people to come together and share their experiences of grief, helping attendees to feel heard and less alone.
The reason we encourage people to keep communications within the community is because we have staff and moderators looking after the space here which helps it stay a safe and supportive platform. When this is taken offline outside of the community, we can no longer keep you and our members safe.
Our terms and conditions ask you not to publish your contact details or identifying information on our site to protect your own privacy and security. The community is open to anyone to read. However, it’s absolutely fine for members to share contact details through private messaging, should they feel comfortable in doing so. You can find out more about private messages on our Help page.
I hope this all makes sense. Please don’t hesitate to ask any further questions 
Take care,
Seaneen
@Seaneen , thank you for responding, had a look at your Grief Kind Spaces and they are a really good idea and well done to Sue Ryder for organising these, inevitably there will be areas of the country that are not covered. Speaking from personal experience I am not great on group gatherings and sadly there are large areas of the country not covered, not Sue Ryders fault, only so much can be done!
It’s so sad in this day and age you cannot just offer a helping hand, ask “is there somebody that could help with”, “if you would like a cup of coffee and a chat, give me a call” without worrying about whether it’s safe or not! I guess it’s how things are now.
Food for further thought.
I feel the same about all the little things like that…man came to take out the stairlift today…I hate the thing but I am thinking about how we would laugh as it took him upstairs so slowly…I will miss him so much until I die and bit by bit his life seems to be dissolving in front of me. BUT I have to remember those are just things and he will be alive in my heart and mind forever young and handsome xxx I want to remember him before he was frail and ill xx
Yes it is a good scheme but nothing in my area .
sadandlost. I have a stairlift which my husband used. Like you, we had a laugh at the speed it went up and down and oh, how I wish he was still here to have that laugh with. Like you, I will love him with all my heart until I can join him. 
Nothing in my area either.x
Nothing here either
Nothin near me either.
If there isn’t a Grief Kind space in your area, please do take a look at AtALoss. They have a directory of local bereavement support. If you go here:
https://www.ataloss.org/Pages/FAQs/Category/organisations-that-can-help?Take=24
And select your area from the dropdown menu, you can see what is available locally.
Take care,
Seaneen
Hello sad and lost your post has really struck a chord with me.
My wonderful husband just the last three months of his life just couldn’t cope after he apparently came out of hospital after a three day stay with some thing called dropped foot drop that was all.
He had fourteen days of intense physio at home and one would think there was hope
Or why would they do that.
They brought him a zimmer a walker a frame for the toilet to aid him getting up and down a shower stool.
He I believe thought he couldn’t cope without them.
At Xmas he was driving shopping putting a large Xmas tree up.
Even on January 19 he wouldn’t let me go out as I had a cold so he went instead .
Hospital on January 21st after a fall.
He passed away April 27.
Since then my handsome strong fella has slowly gone away .
They came for all the mobility aids I hated them he hated them for taking his independence away.
He wouldn’t drive his new jeep yet he had three days earlier.
I had to sell his car,take his name off our joint bank account and along with everything else delete him.
I can’t bear the thought I will never ever see him
again or him me.
Things are just things all I want is him.
He will never compliment me on my perfume telling me I smell gorgeous, perfume he always bought.
I do have the memories and I think of him as you do your husband.
Tall burly blonde suntanned funny bossy lovable.
I just don’t know how to cope.
It’s fourteen weeks this weekend I dread weekends despair and dreams and hopelessness.
I send you comfort.
I went to Tescos to do some shopping as my grandchildren were coming, first time I have done a proper shop and I could barely get round without crying I just couldn’t bring myself to buy everyday food - just food for the children. We live a good car ride to our big supermarket so I just get essential things local. It’s like cooking for yourself I just can’t bring myself to cook anything that I would have cooked for us both. I know I will have to start eating something healthy but when I try I just go into a panic and feel so upset I can’t eat. Does anyone else feel like this ?
Lilly278. I haven’t cooked anything since my husband died 6 weeks ago. I’ve bought bits of things from my corner shop - sausage rolls, little pies that just need heating up etc. Some microwave meals.
Up until about three months ago, my husband did most of the cooking. It was something he loved to do and I just get too upset when I try to do anything so I don’t bother. I can’t go shopping to where we used to go. He had a mobility scooter and loved to go off into the supermarket leaving me to find him. We had many a laugh when he disappeared up the aisles and that’s what I can’t cope with. It’s heartbreaking isn’t it.
Sending you love and hugs 
Yes, I have only been to a larger shop once and that was with a friend.
It was while I was still shielded by shock.
As for cooking, rarely cook anything like a proper meal.
My husband nearly always liked to help with the cooking, for instance chopping up vegetables or dicing meat.
So memories come flooding back if I cook anything.
Plus when I have cooked, I have made too much.
There so many different bits of our lives that bring back memories
Rose xx
It is all so horrible isn’t it ? I know I am not alone in how I feel and I will get through it somehow ( only been 2 weeks ) maybe there will be a day that I don’t have to keep going up and hugging his pillow and just howl 
I wish you strength on your journey and thanks for replying and making me feel not so alone in this journey we did not want or choose xx