The way you describe it is how it is for me too. I remember the times I said or did something in anger and I feel such regret. The numbness is gone and with his things all around me it’s a struggle to even breathe. We just had the funeral, so that hasn’t helped, it made everything more real in a way that added to the burden.
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Hello just read yr story so sorry for yr loss of your mum i lost my mum almost 3months now it is so horrible 
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Hi @Wendy12
Thank you for the message, I’m so sorry to hear of your loss, there are no words. My mum passed 15 week tomorrow, I count every week like I’ve achieved a miracle to still function.
How are you coping? This site gives a warmth and heartfelt understanding to our circumstances, I find it’s helped my an awful lot and only been on here a couple of weeks.
Here if you want a chat and sending love x
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Hi thank you for your reply i am having good and bad days still can’t believe my mum has gone not looking forward to Christmas xx
I can fully relate to that, I feel the same. Dreading Christmas. I feel like it’s hanging over me to get it out of the way. One day at a time for me xx
Same here its so hard each day with everything x
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So sorry for your loss, I lost my mum 7 weeks ago today, and I still can’t believe she has gone she wasn’t just my mum she was my best friend I saw her most days even if it was for just 5 mins and I spoke to her everyday without fail, to go from that to nothing has been a huge shock, she was given 6-12 months but was only here 12 weeks and i spent every day with her, sorting carers hospital equipment forms that needed filling sorting medications every that needed doing I sorted in one way or another to try and get her what she needed and in those 12 weeks I was in auto drive, not sleeping barely eating working part-time and looking after my 2 girls 12 and 14 mums last year hadn’t been great she battled bladder cancer and was cleared after 24 years in January she survived lung cancer when they operated and removed bottom of her lung(she didn’t smoke) just got her back on her feet when she was dealt the blow end of July that her leg she’d been in agony with was actually cancer in the hip bone and it was agressive no treatment that’s when she asked how long she had left and wasn’t going to tell any of us, only i found out from a letter her consultant sent out and i was dealing with all her paperwork and that was the biggest shock of my life that my mum was dying and im still in shock 7 weeks on.
Hi @Lisa_L51
I’m so sorry for your loss and heartbreaking to read. I was so close to my mum too, we spoke 4 times a day sometimes and I was always popping in. I feel exactly like you, to go from that to nothing, there is nothing that can prepare you for it. This community on here has helped me, we’re all in this life’s journey having just lost our mum, something I wouldn’t wish on anybody xx hear if you ever want to talk and sending love 
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I am so sorry to hear this about your mum i was my mums full-time carer she had dementia for 6years plus other health problems she lived with us until September when she went into hospital and then she was going in to vare home but didn’t make it as she had a seizure and didn’t recover she was un resistant for 2 weeks then passed away it was a big shock x
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So sorry for your loss, all the stories on here are so heartbreaking but have found it easy to talk to people through a message rather than face to face hope that will help with my emotions by the time I get my grief counselling in 12-14 weeks.
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I think this site will help @Lisa_L51 as that’s a long time to wait to be able to speak openly and to outpour to there than family and friends, I feel it gives a good balance.
Happy to have a chat if ever you need one 
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Sorry for your loss, I’ve found this forum really helpful talking to other people who are going through similar situations complete strangers who understand as I don’t seem to be able to say how I’m feeling to my own family.
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It is overwhelming with the depth of grief @Wendy12
And the weeks and months that have just flown by for me, 15 week early hours of tomorrow morning, feels like yesterday
Here to chat if you ever want to
Sending love
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I feel the same benefits and I also don’t want to our pour all my grief on family members or my partner, my partner has been my rock but I don’t want it to consume our home and every second. I need another outsource where people genuinely feel what I’m feeling as they are going through the same loss. For me, to lose my mum is the end of the world, she was my world. That’s the bit I need to understand how this life without her now is even possible to adjust and accept. I’m way way off that x
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I talk to another family member through messenger, my cousin she’s supported me so much since I found out my mum’s diagnosis her dad is my mum’s brother and apparently he had read the same letter as me and was so upset my mum had made him promise not to tell us but I had found out and I messaged his daughter to see how he was, she supported me all through her last diagnosis through all the time she was in hospital and afterwards I’m so grateful she was there.
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I understand exactly what your saying but mine is affecting my family life as my girls were so very close to their nan saw her every day my youngest slept over every weekend and school holidays and my 14 year old loved her to bits when she could get a look in my mum was at her birth so everything overlapped now there is this big crater in our lives my girls seem ok considering but me I’m just stuck on that day she passed away and I don’t even know how to start moving forward because I’d have to fully accept she’s gone and I can’t x
Lucy, you should be acknowledging and taking huge positives in what you have come through and the strength you have to be here sharing your grief, to still function and after going through all you did for weeks, do everything you did for your dearly beloved mum, I never thought I’d find the strength to do it either but I’m proud to say I did, and I held mums hand for 6 hours solid in A&E and never left her side .
No regrets to look back on.
That in itself is half way to grieving with no anger xx
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I hope you don’t mind me saying that, I think you’re strength is off the scale
Lucy, you have the strength because you have 2 girls who need their mum as we did ours. You’re so lucky to have children, I haven’t and feel like I’ll die with no one around me to show me the love we did our mum, it creates so many different emotions and worries, to lose my mum was the day I dreaded most all my life. My dad died at 37, I was 3 years old. My mum was my world. My auntie also died 3 weeks after my mum. She was like mum no 2. No children and I did everything for her and with her. To try and comprehend and grieve for two of the closest people in my entire life, 51 years is unbearable. I have never known life without them so I’m trying my best to think, this is now life without, until we meet again. It’s absolutely brutal though and my pain of loss and missing is beyond comparison xx
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I never thought grief would ever hit me like it has, I lost my mum’s mum when I was 16 that was my first encounter with someone dying and going to see her in the chapel of rest 12 months later I lost my biological father he died of Cancer it was upsetting seeing him waste away but I barely saw him my parents divorced when I was about 7 when I was 9 I went to live with my mum and a man she had known before my dad, he’s the one who helped raise me over the years and although life was sometimes difficult between him and my mum, I didn’t want for anything I’ve lost other family members over the years my nephew who I grew up with 7 years apart was killed 4 years ago by a drugged up driver and now my mum but nothing compares to losing her to me, but then I think my sister has lost her eldest son now mum life can be so cruel especially to the ones that get left behind.
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