Lucy, I’m so sorry for your other loved ones losses, it’s hard to take isn’t it? Life gets even harder when we start to see our loved ones, aunts, uncles, you don’t expect to lose nephews and then our parents. What’s it all about? There has to be something more in life than just this one living?
As you said, your sister has lost her son, and her mum in 4 years, how do you get over that? Who would want to in truth? It’s so hard. I keep saying to myself that when I was younger in my 30s and 40s life was great, I had a healthy mum and that was everything and then when you hit 50 life changes in so many ways that are not fun.
So many positives Lucy and we have to focus on them, to get through and to give us wings to keep the ones relying on us to do so 
It’s was the early hours of Monday morning when we got the call to go to the hospital, 4 am. Every Sunday I stay up all night to past 4 am.
Do you mind me asking, where you with your mum when she passed?
reading your post breaks me heart. your story is so reminiscent of mine. my heart goes out to you victoria. everyday is a burden waking up to a world without her and the affirmation and support she provided all my life.
No my mum passed by herself but this is were it becomes weird I think she knew and wanted it that way but it doesn’t stop none of us feeling guilty, we had all visited more or less everyday for 5 weeks I went 7 days a week the days I wasn’t working I’d stay all Day I’d take my dad then take him home then come back and I’d be the last to leave of a night so basically neglected my own family, my sis would go of a daytime then have the weekends off my brother would go in the evening after work so she was never really by her self, we had each visited separately on the Saturday, my dad in the day time, bearing in mind my mum hadn’t been awake for a few days by this time and hadn’t spoken, she woke up and shouted at him pointing at something by the door, she had a habit of shouting at him at home because he can’t hear and it used to drive her mad, my brother visited she was always asleep but this time she asked him to hold her hand, I met him in the corridor as he was leaving he was hysterical in tears I thought something bad had happened then but hed just cracked, I was the last to visit that night, now everytime I’d gone in she had been awake acknowledged I was there waved as I left, she was actually asleep this time so i sat with her quietly stroked her hair and held her hand as I held it sobbing my heart out telling her how much I loved her how much my girls loved her telling her that it was ok telling her that we would be ok and she must of heard everything because she squeezed my hand and wouldn’t let go i stayed sitting there like that for an hour before I left, now the next day I’d told my dad to have a rest, my sister was having the day off and i hadn’t spoken to my brother since i seen him in the corridor, i was going to go in all day and just sit with her but i wasn’t feeling well when i woke up so thought i will go in the afternoon my dad said hed changed his mind and was going in the afternoon, I got a phonecall from my sister at 2.30 pm the hospital had said to make our way in so rang my dad told him I’d collect him, apparently my brother was already at the hospital getting a coffee downstairs ready to have his normal visit unaware the hospital had rang, at 2.45 my sister rang again to say hospital had rang her to say mum had died as nurse was putting phone down my brother passed her and stopped him he’d missed her by 5 mins, i had to go tell my dad and take him the hospital when we got there my sister niece and other nephew was there no sign of my brother we went in and my mum was still warm, nurse said they had no warnings they had rolled her as normal previously and gone in to check on her and whe just passed away me and dad sat in the room sobbing untill we said bye and I took him home, so i think she knew the day before and had already said her goodbyes to everyone my sister never said what her experience was the day before and i never asked. So sorry for the essay but that weekend was so weird in many ways, but I do know my mum wasn’t in any pain at the end as she’d had one of them pain medication machines fitted that dispensing her meds over 24 hours something they should have fitted in the beginning and never.
Sorry for yr loss i feel like you how can i carry on with my life when a big part of my life has gone it had always been me and my mum as i am only child xx
@Lisa_L51
I truly believe your mum knew and did it her way, said all her goodbyes and didn’t want any of you sat there as she passed. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Mum was very similar. We all went over on the weekend, I had been at A&E with her on the Friday for 6 hours, didn’t let go of her hand all night and she squeezed it so tight.
Saturday my brother and step dad did the afternoon and evening as I’ve just moved into a new house 45 mins away. I went on the Sunday with my brother and mum’s sister was going too. That Sunday I knew she was not good. She handed me her necklace with the angel pendant, ( nurse had snapped it off her for an xray,) and mum told me to take it home with me. She knew. She didn’t want us there to see her final hours. I I came home that Sunday afternoon in pieces. My step dad went Sunday night and early hours of Monday morning, 4am we got the call to go to the hospital. Mum was still conscious but not really talking much. So Awful to see I actually fainted outside mums cubicle. She shouted to see if I was ok once the nurses had got me in a chair🙈
Mum then said to me go and get in bed love and kissed me goodbye and said I love you. That was it. 630am I got a taxi home. My brother and stepdad stayed until 8.am
We then got another call at 9am to say go back to the hospital but I knew I wouldn’t make it. My brother lives 5 mins from the hospital so he rushed back and she had already passed.
I feel lucky to have been given that chance to say goodbye, not everyone gets that. That’s my heartbreaking story
@Wendy12
The emptiness is so huge nothing and no one could ever fill it. It’s 1 day at a time for me. As your mums carer every hour must feel empty, from constantly being there and doing things to nothing, it’s so hard.
My aunt also passed away 3 weeks after my mum and I was her carer. I hope this site is giving you do comfort, I’ve found it helps me and I’ve spoken to so many lovely people who genuinely understand our grief. Sending love and so sorry for your loss x
I just felt so guilty that morning not going but yes when I looked back on that day and the more I thought about it she was saying her goodbyes to each of us in her way and yes your right she wouldn’t of wanted any of us to have been there but that bit of guilt still niggles at the back of my mind and did haunt me for a while now not so much.x I’m so lucky to be able to talk openly on here and yes I do she’d tears as I’m typing away but it’s knowing that I’m talking to other people who are feeling exactly the same as me and I don’t feel as I’m completely alone anymore x
I too am alone, no children, and have the same thoughts. To comprehend a future without the people who have been most important my whole life is impossible. I don’t know which way to turn and feel incredibly lost.
Hi everyone -hope you dont mind me joining this thread - so much of what you are all saying resonates with me and im really struggling to find people i can talk to.
I lost my mum 6 weeks ago today. She’d always had a lot of issues with her health so id always supported her a lot, but she still lived independently until a year ago. Then she had a fall and after a week in hospital we were told she had just hours to live. Me and brother brought her home as we knew thats what she would have wanted, and amazingly she started to improve. This time last year i was rejoicing because she was finally well enough to speak and said “i love you”
She continued to improve but never regained her mobility or independence, so i moved in and spent the last 11 months caring for her. During that time i lost my job as my non-supportive employer couldnt handle me working flexible hours.
Id thought this year we were going to have a special Christmas together (mum was too poorly last year) but 6 weeks ago she passed - id been by her bedside day and night the final couple of days as we knew the end was coming, and im sure she waited till i left the room - i told her i was going for a quick lie down and 10 minutes later my brother called me to say shed stopped breathing.
My Dad died over 20 years ago, I have no partner, no kids to keep going for, and now the prospect of having to find a job to pay the bills. My life was so closely intertwined with Mums it feels like my very soul has been ripped out. And there is also the guilt for all the times as her carer i was tired, or frustrated, or didnt spend as much time with her as i could.
Somedays i find i can do a few tasks, and then suddenly the realisation hits again, like someone torturing you again and again. I think im still somehow hoping maybe shes coming back, maybe shes just on holiday/in hospital somewhere.
My friends are lovely but i feel like they somehow expect me to make “progress” every time they check up on me, as if my grief is an illness im going to recover from. I find i simply cant talk to them.
I read other peoples stories, i even watch A & E programs to help me realise how lucky i am compared to some peoples experiences, but still the thought of carrying this pain the rest of my life is just unbearable 
@Lucy truly understand and can empathise with how you feel. I felt guilty for fainting and then coming home before she died for the first few weeks but then I think to myself, mum would have never wanted me sat there as she passed. 15 weeks today.
How many weeks is it for you and your mums passing? X
So sorry for your loss. I recognise a lot of the feelings you describe and I’m in the same bad place, having to find a job soonish. It’s all too much and most days I just crumble because what is it for now, what is anything for.
Hi @Ally6
Welcome to the tread and the group no one would ever choose to join.
I’m so sorry for your loss, 6 weeks has no doubt come around as if yesterday? I still count the weeks, it’s 15 weeks today I lost mum.
This forum has so many offerings of support, I have found it so beneficial to just talk openly with people who are living the same hell and understand with empathy.
I am also without children and at a point where my job is probably going to become an issue. You put it so well regarding friends and work thinking we are going to get better as weeks pass by, like an illness. I feel like I will never get over losing mum, and I don’t want to if honest. She was my world.
Here if you want to talk Ally and sending love x so sorry for your loss
I know and understand everything you say. I am just over a year in. My relationship sounds very similar to you and your mum. Her funeral was 13/12/23. I hate this time of year now . I wish I could help you to feel better, but I feel the same
@Ulma
I’m so sorry ulma, it is incredibly difficult without children, I understand how you must feel, I’m literally taking it one day at a time. The loss and void is irreplaceable and it is truly heartbreaking. Sending love and year if you want a chat 
@Ulma
I feel like that, what’s it all about, what now? I’m dreading Christmas and will no doubt cry my heart out all day, like every day at the moment.
One day at a time or 1 hour at a time if that’s how we feel.
I know my mum would not want me to derail but I’m finding it extremely difficult not too xx
I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s so horrible that we have found ourselves having to deal with these losses some of us have had family along side others have had to deal with it all by them selves I’m grateful I have my children or I don’t think I would of been strong enough to have carried on the past 7 weeks knowing although I may feel alone in my grief I’m not actually alone they are standing by waiting for me to come back to them, they understand that their mum is not in a good place right now but they now I’m not leaving them it’s just going to take me some time to adjust to my mum not being here.
Hello thanks for your kind words it is so hard not doing things for her x where it was hard to go out when looking after mum but now i can do anything now all i want to do is stay indoors xx
Yes, one hour at a time. Anything else is too much. I’m just so tired and so sad all the time and dad wouldn’t like to see me crying everyday, but it’s impossible not to. x
Sending love back. We all need that so very much right now.
@Janebee thank you for message, I hope Wednesday passes as best as possible, 1 year already, I don’t know where the time goes, I’m on 15 weeks and it feels like yesterday I’m so sorry for your loss and sending love