Hi all,
I really need support i am so broken after lising my mum 2 month’s ago. Mum left my dad who is broken. They were married 62 years. I dont know how to move on, i dont know what to do. Myself, brother and son are supporting my dad in everyway possible. Will this grief get any better. Help xx
I am just like you, i feel your pain. My dad is 83 this year. My mum and dad were inseparable. My poor dad, it breaks my heart seeing him suffer. 
Hi @Niks7089 really sorry for your loss, it’s absolutely heart breaking 
for me it was just living it day by day, unfortunately that pain will be there no matter what…I would spend as much time with your dad and family as you can, talk about mum, try do things your dad likes even if it’s small …a meal he likes might be a nice idea x
My dad doesn’t want to do much, most of the time he does his own thing, at times we just sit in the same room and don’t talk much. I have found that every single person in my immediate family are grieving in their own way, although it is for the same person we all cope differently.
It is so very early for you, don’t forget to look after yourself too, as much as you probably don’t want to. I go on short walks, read or listen to music, very solitary things but I prefer that as it’s more healing for me.
Sorry I’m not that great at advice, this is just my personal experience x one day at a time…it’s about surviving the day then it starts again. It is a very lonely place, but this group is amazing for support so keep in contact on here as it does help x
Sending hugs x 
Sienna, thank you fir your kind words. I soen alot if time with my dad. I do all his bills, shopping cleaning. My dad, bless him burnt his leg not long afyer losing mum, then he fell over. He suffers with his hip.
Today ive had another bad day, worrying about all sorts. My eyes, face and body hurts xx
@Niks7089 @Sienna1 @Anna_321
Such kind words and all so relatable, we really are a group of people, once strangers, going through the most difficult time of our life to lose our wonderful mums, the grief is overwhelming and the shared support has got me through day by day, and it is a huge effort to get through each day, but together we will. Sending love and strength to you all and I hope that tomorrow is a better day and a step forward for us all. Xx
Oh no your poor dad 
I can only imagine how devastated he must feel. Awww glad you can spend time with dad x
It’s the stress that’s making you feel that, take some deep breathes, something called box breathing helps me x
It really is just getting through the next minute especially in the early days. I had to break my day down into moments and try not to think too much about the future. Getting out for a walk really helped too. Just try to look after yourself, rest when you can as grief is so draining.
Yesterday I went to Mum’s memorial to lay some flowers, it’s the first time since we lay her ashes in December, I haven’t felt like I could go before now, I don’t want to think of her as being there , it just makes it all seem even worse if that’s possible.
I have been having dreams about my Mum still being alive remembering our conversations when I get up in the morning the sadness starts all over again, our last conversation was me telling her on some visits (nursing home) she would be sleeping and I used to say she was kidding on sleeping, she said to me “maybe I don’t want to wake up” I said jokingly “will I come and visit you less” that’s exactly what happened 3 days later she died in her sleep . Xxx
@Feelings @kaz511
Sending love to you both. It’s so incredibly difficult, just getting through each day, and as we all know, it starts again tomorrow and we have to do it all again. Xx
@Feelings I find that there is some truth in our dreams and things our mums said before they died. I feel as if they knew they were going. Done if the things my mum said to me and the things that happened leading upto her death, I feel like she knew. I’m sure they’re still with us somewhere, all around us, in another way.
I hope you’re looking after yourself as best you can, eating and sleeping, it’s exhausting getting through each day.
Xx
@kaz511 you’re day to day is very relatable to most of us here. Visiting your mums memorial is a huge achievement, I’m
Sure she would be proud of you, it takes huge strength to do this. We haven’t put mum to rest in a memorial as yet as I didn’t want to feel she was there on her own so she is still at mums house and partly in my garden with a rose tree memorial which makes me feel like she is with me every day.
Sending love and hope you are doing ok xx
I agree, befire my mum passed away in hospital nye 2024, christmas day mum gave us a lovely day, mum wanted to pay for the drinks bill. Mum put things in place, before she left us. Even in the hospital, mum waited until we all left to get a coffee before she passed. Mum done it her way.
My mum did the same thing @Niks7089
We were all there at 4:30am after the hospital rang and asked us to get there, we stayed until 8am and she was chatting etc. then by 8:25 she had gone l. Literally after we had left. She knew and she didn’t want us seeing her go and it sounds like you’re mum was the same xx
@VictoriaB1 - what i cant get iver, is that mum was ok the day before. She wanted me to give her a bed bath, so i did. Mum was tired, so we left. The early hours of the morning the call from the hospital. The dr said your mum knows your coming, when we arrived she wasnt awake, they said mum wasnt taking to the bpap mask, mum started to pull wires out etc. Mum passed 18.40 nye - i r3ally cannot cope losing my best friend. Also supporting my dad xx
@Niks7089 it’s so incredibly hard to understand how we go from one day they seem ok and then suddenly they’re gone. I replayed it over and over in my head every day, night, week, month and still do 18 months on. I didn’t have the strength to fight the care mum received at A&E or on the ward, but I truly believe they left her to die. She wasn’t put on a ward for 18 hrs. During that time, no water, no toilet facilities, no oxygen, no drip to reduce her stats, and then she apparently had pneumonia. I’ll never know but I fully understand how hard it is to understand that the day before your mum was talking to you, asking for a bed bath and then nothing. The loss of losing our mum, there is nobody in the world who can ever replace that unconditional love, care, support, friendship. Even now, after 18 months, I can only focus on my own health and wellbeing, I don’t have the strength to care for my brother or stepdad. You have to put yourself first to get through this. It must be extremely difficult for you supporting your dad, I hope some of the wonderful people in this chat can offer you some words of comfort and support. It’s been a lifeline to me. Sending love xx
You know what i feel the same. Everything in the hospital i am replaying in my head. I know my mum had COPD, but one minute she was chatting, next minute not awake. My poor dad, today his having a rough day. His gone to bed now, love him. 
@Niks7089 I’m so sorry you feel the same way, Id say we’re not the only ones, and every bit of strength, we really do need to just get through the day. I’m sorry you’re dads having a tough day, it must be so hard to see your dad struggling as well as try to manage and cope with your own grief. This journey is beyond words, the grief and loss is unimaginable to others who aren’t going through the same. I hope you manage to get some sleep tonight, and your dad, I find sleeping is still a struggle, I’ve never had a good nights sleep since mum died 18 months ago. We’re all here for you xx
Hello. I am so dreadfully sorry to hear about the dreadful treatment of your mother. It’s the trauma that makes you relive her last hours; it’s the same with my dad’s death. He was only in the care home for a week and one day I went in and found his mouth full of food! He should have been nil by mouth. That image will remain with me forever. He then got pneumonia and died two days later.
I still can’t believe he’s gone. They say birth is natural which is true but death is not. Death doesn’t make sense. How can a person who filled your whole life just be gone, just like that!? How can such a presence disappear? And how do we survive that? It’s been 5 months since my dearest dad died and it was the day I dreaded all my life too. I can’t go in his room where I cared for him because it smells of him. I can’t clear his old house out because the pain is so bad I can’t breathe. I live minute to minute, hour to hour. I struggle to see the point in anything. All joy has gone. The thought of never seeing him again is too much so I try to believe in God. I try but trying is tiring so then I just sleep but when I wake the nightmare begins again. I wish I could tell you how to get through this. But all I do know is we are fellow sufferers and maybe there is some solace in that? Love and hugs, Ellie xxxxx
Thank you, Victoria.
It really does help to know I’m not alone in this, even though it still feels so unbearable. Watching my dad go through his grief is just heartbreaking—I wish I could take his pain away, but I can barely get through the day myself.
I’m working from my dad’s at the moment, then heading home tonight as I’m in the office Tuesday and Wednesday. After work on Wednesday, I’ll be back at my dad’s until Monday. It’s exhausting, but I just want to be there for him as much as I can.
The pain is just relentless—I try meditation and focus on my breathing, but my heart hurts, my eyes hurt, and it feels like my body doesn’t even belong to me anymore. Sleep is a struggle for me too, and I can only imagine how hard it’s been for you after 18 months.
I do have my brother and my son who help, which I’m really grateful for, but it still feels so overwhelming. It’s comforting to know we’re all here for each other, even if nothing can truly take this pain away.
Sending you love and strength too. xx
Just had one of those well meaning texts from someone “how are you”? and im sat here at a loss what to say! How do you summarise the whirlwind of thoughts and feelings into one pithy text message? People used to joke that my mum used to say “I’m fine” whenever anyone asked her, despite having so many physical ailments and she clearly wasnt “fine”. Now im starting to wonder do i just adopt the same approach!