I have recently lost my lovely son and am in living hell after 7 weeks since he died, he was 22 years old and so full of life had a siezure in his bedroom in the early hours of 31st August 2021, I found him in the afternoon 1.30 thought he was still asleep tried to wake him he felt cold so started shaking him shouting his name rang 999 they instructed me to do CPR did this for about 15 minutes before ambulance arrived and took over after about 20 minutes they told me he had passed away about 5hours ago, I am now 7 weeks grieving every day seems to get worse can’t except he’s gone have been lying down and sleeping most of the time cannot function to do anything or go anywhere everywhere and everything is a memory and cuts me to the core, I miss and love him so much all I have now are his ashes and his clothes to smell am in absolute pieces can’t see the point in anything anymore just want him back he worked with me everyday can’t work without him was my best friend as well as my son can’t move on without him my heart feels like it’s been ripped out , some say the feeling of loss it doesn’t get better can’t live like this.
oh envic 1862 that’s exactly the same as me, but I heard my son fall in his bedroom and did CPR straight away, he was put on life support for 3 days and we could not see him because of Covid , but they could not save him. This was 22 weeks ago for me . Yes it is a living hell, the physical pain in my chest to start with ,I thought I would surely die of a broken heart as some people do, but nothing happened. The knot in my stomach I could not eat and lost 2 stone. He was such a sweet gentle boy who was so protective of me and I love him so much. I hoped it would get better as time went by but it just got worse. I am now just reading lots of advice books as I cant even be bothered with watching the tv. The pain in my chest and knot in my stomach are better now and on the outside I might look like I am coping , but on the inside I feel like am dying and sometimes find myself screaming and rocking when no one is about and I can let go.
So sorry for your pain I know what you are going through but don’t know how we go on, but we have no choice do we. Just breath taking one day as a time. I can’t wait to go to bed everyday and hope to go to sleep although that is a problem often.
Please keep reading posts on this site there is so much help from people who are going through the same thing. When I feel I can’t take anymore I always turn to this site, I think only people who have gone through this can understand and it helps , take care x
I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your sons.
I don’t understand why such things happen in the wrong order.
I cannot imagine what it is like to lose a child. Losing my husband is bad enough
I hope you both find a way through this darkness but how that can be achieved I have no idea.
Keep posting and hopefully you will gain some comfort from the support here.
Hugs and love to you both
Dee xx
Dear envic
I’m so desperately sorry to read about your son. No one understands unless they have felt your pain. I lost my son Henry two years ago today.
Please know it’s the hardest road to walk but people have walked it before and they are able to help you.
I found meditation helped me massively and still does.
Just take each hour at a time, be kind to yourself. You’ve experienced the worst loss ever.
We’re all here for you.
Warm hugs and love
Purple
Hello envic1862,
I am sorry for your loss. I lost my daughter on the 7 August 2021. I feel your pain. I too had to do cpr on her till the ambulance arrived. They worked in her for ages even taking her to hospital. But I knew she was gone. She had to have a post Mortem which distressed me even more. She had a cardiac arrest and this was caused by a blood clot on her lung. The funeral has been and gone and so to have family and friends and it’s like they have forgotten her already. My grief is like the weather storm clouds grow the rain comes and then the sun comes out briefly.
I do not know when the pain will come to an end and I can live with it. But find some consolation that there are mums and dads on here and we are a group of special people just trying to cope.
You are not alone.
Mrsmac
I lost my daughter on the 17th October 2021 in a road traffic accident. I literally feel like I can’t breathe. I can’t see how life can go on feeling this way.
Hi Clarepaige,
So sorry for your loss. Truly devastating no words can ease your pain. It is only days since you lost your precious daughter. It’s 11 weeks since I lost my daughter. The feeling you can’t breathe you can’t think you can’t stop crying. The feeling is this really happening to me is everything that I have experienced. Do you have family and friends that are supporting you? Being on here has given me a sense that I am not alone and I hope that you don’t feel alone in your grief. I was told grief is like the weather storm clouds come then the rain and then the sun comes out and that might only be for a second or too before the storm clouds come again.
Remember you are not alone
Mrsmac
Hi jss how are you tonight .ive sat looking at sams photos all night. Theres so much i want to say . I was with him night and day for the last four months of his life .but i never said enough .he never wanted to talk he carried on like my loving sam he was never sad never angry . It all just dont make any sense. I just want to talk to him . Love zoe
Hi zoe not too good tonight I have just been looking at other posts trying to find some help for guilt. It’s bad enough with the pain of loosing them without all the guilt and what ifs. He went so fast I wish I had time to let him know how loved and how special he was. Wish I had done the CPR better wish I had done so many things better. I know I did my best but feel it was not good enough. That’s all we can do is try our best and we do worry so much about them what ever age they are. Thanks for asking . I was feeling so down thinking what can I do , I found some comfort from someone’s post , that’s the good thing here there are always others having the same feelings, sometimes it’s all just so overwhelming I feel I am imploding or exploding not sure which. You sound like you are having a tough night too xx
Hi im so very sorry .you must be in extreme shock . This life throws these terrible things at us . I lost my son sam to sarcoma .he was gone in less than four months .i feel the same the pain . I hope we can all help each other im so very sad for you zoe
Hi jss .i think its the shock we are in for the loss .i cant imagine doing cpr .never think if only you had done it different .i feel no matter the out come would be the same … we beat ourselves up with the what ifs . Im sitting here talking to my cockerpoo .its like he senses everything i just feel like screaming . Sorry jss .was ment to chear you up zoe xx
Oh bless you, we don’t want cheering up do we, that’s just impossible .we just want a bit of empathy ,it’s only talking to other people going through the same thing on here who understand, so we know we can just say it how it is. I mean I have friends who say phone anytime and I know I could have phoned one of them up and they would have listened to me , but I also know they cant get it no matter how much they want to help they can’t understand , so why burden them xx
Hi Jss,
I get that too friends always say ring me I’m here for you anytime. It’s just something I cannot do. My mum and brothers do check in with me but my sister has never even phoned me since the funeral. This has helped me to know that there are mums out there who are feeling the same/similar to me. Even though everyone story is different and we experience different things we ultimately have lost our precious child.
Mrsmac
Thank you, I just can’t see this pain ever leaving or getting better. I have chronic illness too and can feel my health declining. Life is so cruel isn’t it. It feels like I’m loving a nightmare. My daughter Paige was the girl in the Liverpool tunnel crash it’s been all over the media which isn’t helping and they’ve written things that just wasn’t true. I do have some family around and the first week friends all messaged but feel like all that is slowly stopping now. Her body is still in Liverpool too which is just awful as I’m in Birmingham. Do you still feel the same pain now as you did in the first weeks, 11 weeks is still very recent and raw. My thoughts are with you also x
My pain is there all the time and the sadness comes over me in waves. I have flashbacks to the night she passed away and when I left her at the hospital I didn’t see her for over a week and that was hard as I was her carer and saw her everyday. She had to have a post Mortem which devastated me and still does. The tears pain and sadness are there because we loved our daughters. I hope you get to see your daughter soon as it will bring you some comfort.
You have to focus on yourself and look after your mental and physical health something which gets over looked. Eating, sleeping and hydration are all really important even in small amounts.
It’s easy for me to say but ignore negative media reports. You knew your daughter and focus on those wonderful lovely times, who she was and what she meant to you.
It is along path which we now travel to make sense of our loss. I maybe a few steps ahead of you but know I am on that path.
Just take each second, minute, hour at a time.
You are in my thoughts.
Hi claire its just a blur of days . I try yo get dressed go for potter round garden this has to get better .i dont know how .but i get you . .you dont reliaze that your not alone just keep texting zoe x
Hi Zoe, yes it really is. I can’t believe it’s been over a week already. I’ve just got dressed but I feel like I can’t even stand for long my head is so heavy. It’s all the what ifs isn’t it. My daughter wasn’t going to go Liverpool and changed her mind last minute 
. Life is so unfair. How long has it been for your loss? X
Sam passed april 27 th. His funeral was 25 th may .i feel like it was yesterday. .nothing seems real really and everyone claire has what ifs. I wonder is life planned its very wicked. I think its a very lonely toad we walk .always here .somany nice people in the same boat .try look after yourself so so raw zoe xx
My son 20 passed in Feb, 2021. For very different reasons but I know the feeling of quilt. I think we all have it for many different reasons…I could have done this differently or I could have done this better or I should have done this. We have to forgive ourselves because for whatever reason this has happened and no amount of punishing ourselves is going to change this tragedy. It has been 8 months for me. I have seen a psychologist since march even though I don’t remember my first few sessions also a phsycatrist from early on. I am in a stable place. I still cry and ask why my baby but I am managing. For myself talking about Josh helps and I talk to him at different times and tell him I love him…I truly hope he hears me x x
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my son he was 22 years old I lost him about 4 weeks ago and I understand your pain. Like I said I am 4 weeks in and I have good days and bad days mostly bad days on the weekend or when I am triggered. This is the second child I have lost. I am grieving right now but I want to reassure you you will get through this. It is painful but better days are ahead they might come one day at a time but they will come.