Dear Helen, Maddie, Victoria,Marina , Chel and everyone.
Anniversaries seem the worst. Birthdays and Christmas are different, still hard but not as gut wrenching as the day we lost our beautiful children. I will be thinking of those of you who have upcoming anniversaries and holding in my heart.
I find that today, Monday and ever Monday since we lost Lisa, my mind drifts as it’s the start of another week without her. I remember the Monday after her death the previous Thursday. It was so hot and we had come back home . We took Brooke to the big park in Inverness and I just remember watching her play and all the noise around was cut out, it was like I was deaf or watching a video of her playing with no sound. I was just trapped inside myself, focussed on our little one having such a lovely time and knowing she had no mother anymore. My heart was breaking over and over again.
So, I guess our hearts break over and over every anniversary as we should not have outlived our children. It’s not the way it should be at all.
With love to you all.
Kate xxxx
Hello , Marina, Helen Kate , Chel ,and Victoria , Like you Kate the first the on a Monday i look at Dawns lovely face ,and always say start of another week withou you .I cannot believe it will be 4 sad and lonely years without her… So many of us have got anniversarys coming up , should be a joyfull time of year ,but ,it will never be the same again for us ,as we know there is always one person missing . Like you Helen,we cannot go away ,but we are planing just to go out for the day and have a meal, We have been racking our brains just to find somewhere ,So i think we have come up with Brighton ,. . Love to all of you ,and hope some how we might be able to meet up .Maddie xxx
Dearest All. Where would we be without each other. I know I am probably the newest member to this group but I feel you picked me up and have surrounded me with love. I cannot thank you all enough for that.
Kate 
You are so welcome Kate , you have helped us all as wellm , with your beautiful Grandaughter .
Maddie xx
I hope I can help you all. I know I am an apprentice but a good learner.xxx
Well dear friends I don’t know what started it off but I had a terrible day yesterday. I just cried and cried. I just couldn’t pull myself out of it. Jemma was upset as I was crying when she phoned in the evening. She is so good now, she said that she is the same some days but feels better afterwards. I did sleep well but as you all know it is utterly exhausting when we have these meltdowns. I am out just now, the sun is shining and I am in my favourite coffee shop enjoying a scone and a cuppa. Healing myself today a little.
Love to you all, hope you are doing ok.
Kate xxx
Dear Kate,
I was the same last Thursday … I could not stop crying all day. I ended up driving around in the car not knowing what to do or where to go. I worried that I was going back to the dark early days. But I managed to pick myself up the following day.
Tiffany was taken into hospital this morning. She felt poorly and had chest pains so called 111. I went straight over, the paramedics checked her over and said she needed further tests. I am trying not to panic as I couldn’t go with her so I’m at home trying to keep busy xxx
Hello Kate and Victoria,
I am the same today, just trying to get through for me it’s the build up. I didn’t sleep well last night and got up at 4:15 this morning. I am tired now but know if I try and go up and have a rest my mind will just keep whirring. I think it is made worse, because we can’t go to Cornwall as we are in Tier 3. Victoria, I hope Tiffany is OK I am sure she will be, please post and let us all know. I know the fear and worry as we all do. I get absolutely beside myself if John is late home or I can’t ring him to make sure he is OK.
Take care all of you
Love Helen
Oh gosh Victoria, that’s a terrible worry. Thinking of you and hope you get some news soon.
With love Kate xx
Helen, I don’t know why it happens but I know you have the anniversary coming up as does Maddie. It takes us all back to the worst day of our lives.
Sending love. Kate xxx
Hello . Helen ,Kate . Victoria, and all .Kate i can understand you griefe it is such early days for you ,and your family , and i know when you look at your beautiful Grandaughter,youmust feel such pain this time of year .Victoria, let us know how Tiffany is doing ,its just such a shame we could not get away,and meet up. Helen I just know how you feel,you have been through so much with your op,and to have something to look forward to on Sams anniversary is devastating. 9th of Dec was my dads anniversary,and when the doctor called us all in to tell us there was no hope for Dawn ,and only give her 2days… Oh God what a time .Life is cruel , I have come off the happy pills ,hated them ,but the doc rang this morning to ask how i was . and he wanted to give me counselling again, but i told him no ,the best thing is my friends on Sue Ryder , i hope you all feel the same . I love to you all Maddie xxx
We do all feel the same Maddie. We will never be free from this but we all have each other.xx
Hi All, these waves off grief are just terrible and just so difficult to bear. As you say Maddie, it helps so much to be in contact with people who completely understand like no-one else could. My thoughts are with those of you who’ve had or are leading up to your anniversary, it is such agony.
Victoria, I hope Tiffany is ok.
Love Chris xx
It’s such a release on this forum. We have all this pent up agony that nobody else can relate to unless they are in it.
Thankyou for your kindness.
With love, Kate
Hello everyone, I was finally able to pick Tiffany up at 7pm and take her home. She is fine thank goodness but has some changes to her lungs from a chest infection and her iron is low. Such a worry but thank you all for caring. You are such good friends xxx
Oh thank goodness. Hopefully medication will sort it out. Very very scary for you though xxx
What a shock that must have been for you, thank goodness everything was okay…
I think after losing a child you always imagine the worst that can happen you never see the good.
I can relate to Helen when she says that if John is late coming home she is panicking, I’m exactly the same, but what is annoying is when my husband says (Well you knew I was okay)…Men!!!
Love to all xxx
PS…Is anyone having the vaccine for Covid 19 when it comes out next week?
I think I will. I am asthmatic and although I have a prevented inhaler which keeps me free of symtoms, I guess I will be offered it in the first roll out.
With love, Kate xx
You are right, Marina … we know that sometimes the worst does happen so worry more. Thank you so much everyone for your love and concern,
I think I will have the vaccine as I work in the NHS so will probably be offered it. I can’t wait for everything to get back to normal xxx