Hi Chris
I’ve been the same about eating, I didnt eat for first 4 days and then when I did I felt so guilty as my boy can’t eat again.
I feel if I bought anything except essentials or things for my other son or my dog it would disrespectful to his memory.
Ruby x
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Yes Kate,
I’m in Glasgow, my son had bought a beautiful wee house in Paisley which only had for 2 years
Ruby x
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Maybe when all this virus is sorted we could meet up. We are north west of Inverness. Our elder daughter lives on the outskirts of Edinburgh but luckily she is up here just now.
Xxxx
I had booked a 2 day holiday to Inverness for my brother and I but don’t think we will be going now.
I was up years ago when I worked as a nanny and I was there with the couple I worked for who we dancers for scottish ballet.
Lovely offer thank you
Ruby xx
Well a few of us here were hoping to meet up sometime. I know some live around Oxfordshire and Bristol. Some day we will all hold each other close and form lifelong friendships. We share the same grief and that’s a bond no others can understand. Xxx
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Dear All,
I can relate to everything you are all saying, before Matt passed me and my husband used to go to yoga twice a week and had really go into to it, but have not been able to do it since, maybe we will rejion one day but don’t feel like doing anything like that now except being outdoors walking our dog, we feel close to Matt when we are outdoors. I have always worn a bit of mascara and my lippie but since last May I havnt been able too do this or even paint my nails, perhaps its because I feel guilty, or if I will give the impression I have moved on! but as you all know we never move on just move forward on our journey, my heart aches so bad for you both Deborah and Ruby as you are in such a bad place in such early stages of your grief and you have just got to do what ever it takes to get through each day , I also drink red wine but when I lost Matt I couldn’t as I was scared too but now I have a couple each day but I have got myself a smaller glasss 
keep posting as its like having a chat with your best friends, people who get you and know how you feel and understand how you are feeling, take care everyone, much love Michelle xxx
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Thank you Michelle,
I’ve just painted my nails because I don’t feel like myself without doing them and but thry have been chipped since we scattered his ashes.
I’ve just finished a bottle of wine but I don’t feel drunk enough, I’m going to go to bed and try to sleep
I’ve said I’ll meet a friend tomorrow but I’m half dreading having to talk to her although she has been so kind
Thinking of you all
Ruby(my dogs name)
Real name Anne x
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Dear Anne 
hope you get some sleep and go to meet your friend it will be good for you and well done for painting your nails your son is with you all the time and he would want you to have done them and saying proud of you mom! Sending you a big hug 
goodnight godbless love Michelle xxx
Aww thanks Michelle
What a lovely message
Love Anne x
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Dear Anne,
Yes well done you! Remember it’s baby steps. I also didn’t wear make up for ages. Strange isn’t it? At first I couldn’t even wash my face let alone think about makeup.
But now I do because my make up has always been part of who I am.
I am so proud of how you are doing xxx
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Thank you so much Victoria,
I need to try for my other boy, I appreciate your lovely message
Anne x
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Dear Friends, I too stopped wearing make up, I stopped going to the hairdressers and I stopped going to get my nails done… Never in my life have I suffered with spots but I cried so much the tears caused a rash down both sides of my face…in other words I looked a mess, I looked in the mirror one day and thought what would Christian say if he saw me now, he would be horrified and that was the moment I started to pull myself together.
But what was my saviour was Christian’s two beautiful dog’s we walked miles and miles head down not seeing anybody at first and it was about three months later I found I was looking forward to these walks ,first just smiling at people and saying hello and then actually stopping and having a chat and then I realised though I still felt in deep despair I was recovering if ever so slightly… xxx
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Hello,dear friends .I can relate to everything you are all sauing ,how we let ourselves go,after we lost our children, .When out walking a think i looked so bad ,people thought i was ill,. But i would tell everyone weather i knew them or not ,that we had just lost our Daughter.Which made them feel uncomfortable ,but i didnt care ,i wanted the world to know,how painful it was to lose her . And i always bring in her into a conversation as i want people to remeber her and not be forgotton .
Love Maddie xx
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Same Maddie, I tell everyone. I’m not going to pretend I’m ok, pain is all I feel. I feel exactly the same.
I always talked about him a lot, he was so funny, cheeky and was always part of my stories and ive got enough stories to last till I join him
Our beautiful children will not be forgotten
Anne x
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Hello All,
I am so glad Anne that you were able to paint your nails, your son is with you all the time. He will never leave you and I hope you were able to meet your friend. Sometimes talking out loud to him helps I know it does with me with Sam. Deborah, you mentioned about Yoga, when Sam passed in the December by the February of the folowing year I was so drained, so just sitting around crying, and someone suggested zumba, so I looked it up on the computer and there was a class near me so on the Tuesday I went along, I was so terrified of meeting people of them asking me questions and perhaps me breaking down but in I went and sure enough the ladies came over. It was a zumba gold class (So for the over 50’s) and they were so welcoming, one lady there lost her daughter aged 9 from an asthma attack, she looked at me and said she’d be 39 now and she said even now I could cry. I carried on going to that zumba class for 3 years until I couldn’t go anymore because of my hip, but even now I still see some of those ladies. Yet one friend who I knew from Playschool with Sam and her daughter Jodie some 30 odd years cannot face me now since Sam died and has never contacted me, Talking about them Anne does help and your true friends will know that. Like Maddie said if they feel uncomfortable then tough, no one ever knows the pain we are going through only someone who has and is going through it like all of us.
With love
Helen
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Dear Helen,
Well done, you, how I admire all of you, who are going through such hell.
I wish all of you a peaceful New Year.
God Bless You,
Love,
Mary x x x
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Dear All,
I talk about Matt all the time and if people don’t like that then they are not really true friends and I avoid them, I only want genuine people around me and have even made a few new friends as some of my old ones don’t have anything in common with me anymore, we will never be our old selves again, take care everyone and have a peaceful New Year much love from Michelle 
xxx
Michelle, that’s so true. My closest friends were there for us but so called’friends’ in the village sent cards and flowers a d then nothing. Two of our friends kept us fed for 3weeks. Full Sunday lunches, delivered in lovely China dishes. They were our rocks and have remained so.
Losing a child seems to make us focus on who around us has really felt it. Others don’t know what to say or cross the road when they see us.
Keep well dear friend and let’s hope we can all comfort each other through the years ahead.
With love, Kate xxx
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Hi Helen I have been talking to him out loud a lot esp at night. I was trying today to hear his voice saying mum in my head too because I loved being his mum. I’ve been on my own for 20 years so being a mum was everything. In the last 7 years I’d started a new job and had started having a great social life and Scott loved seeing me happy. I used to send him pictures of anywhere I was or tell him stories.
We also had good chat but now I feel so alone without him and going out seems like an ordeal.
Sending love to all of this wee support group who im relying on at the moment. Make we all make it through the new year without our loved ones
Anne x
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Wishing each and everyone of you… Love, Peace and Contentment for 2021…and thank you all for helping to see me through another year…Bless you…Marina xxx
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