You too Deborah
Love Ruby x
Hello Deborah, Ruby and Purple,
It is so hard, and it remains so throughout the rest of our life, purely and simply because it is not the right order. Harsh words I know, but please remember, your other children need you they need you so much because for them it is also bewildering. I felt and still feel that of both my boys I was closest to Sam. Grief is like the sea it comes in waves, Like Victoria said baby steps and one day at a time, the pain is dreadful but it will ease, very very very slowly. Deborah, Ruby and Purple, everyone on here me Kate, Victoria Maddie and Marina know every inch of what you are going through and we are here to listen, so post whatever and whenever you need to.
With all my love
Helen
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Ruby, Purple, Deborah and all friends, itās hard, so hard and it feels that there is little or no respite from the pain. I know that feeling of everything being pointless, feeling completely empty inside, like an empty shell, not living just existing. This is completely normal. As your friends here have already said, itās little steps, hour by hour, creeping along just getting through. Remember, you are allowed to feel whatever you are feeling. Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to cry, I often felt better after crying. Keep posting here.
Grief is the last act love we have to give to those we loved. Where there is deep grief, there was great the love.
Sending love to all,
Chris xx
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My heart breaks for you my darling. A mothers worst nightmare , the police at the door.
Kate xxx
Hello Deborah, i feel your pain so much , and i know what its like to hit the bottle . My Husband gets really angry when i start to drink as he says i get really depressed ,and i know he is right .So please try and drink in moderation ,as will make worse and you will probably want to take the pills , and i know your darling Daughter ,would not want that . Believe me we have all been there . Love to you and take care . Maddie xxx
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I too have a couple of glasses of red wine most nights. It mellows me and I can unwind and sleep. However, if I have more than that I get tearful and canāt sleep.
Itās getting the right balance I think.
We all know how it feels and we are all here to support each other.
With love and hugs.
Kate xxx
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Hi All
Really struggling today as it is all sinking in that my daughter has gone and I wonāt see her again. Me and my other daughter have been crying on and off all day. I feel crushed and my heart feels like its going to burst. I feel like drinking but I will hold off. I just keep seeing her face before me all the time and I just want her back.
Deborah x
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Hi Deborah,
I agree with Maddie and Kate. A few glasses of wine can help take the edge of things but try to keep it in moderation.
I remember clearly in the first few weeks the feelings of terrible panic that would grip me and maybe that is how you are feeling? Please believe me when I say that will get better. It still happens but much less often.
Sending you huge hugs and kisses xxx
Maddie ,Kate and dear friendsā¦I am ashamed to say but it was it was the red wine which helped to get me through those first few weeks after we had lost Christian it was my only solace at the timeā¦I have no regrets it helped MEā¦but it is knowing when enough is enoughā¦DeborahY darling have a drink by all means, but please be careful itās so easy to say (just one more)ā¦Love you all Marina xxx
Hi All
I have settled for some whiskey in coffee to try and take the edge off. What Iām struggling with as well is the amount of people that have stopped calling. Someone that has been through this said to me once the funeral is over people just seem to get on with their lives and stop visiting and calling. Most of my family and friends are in tier 4 but they could at least call. Iām thankful that my daughter lives around the corner and comes here every day. Ruby how are you feeling today.
Deborah xx
On a lighter noteā¦does anyone remember UB40 and Kate Bush both sang (Red red wine) loved that songā¦
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Hi Deborah
Just got told off by my son Euan for drinking every day. It did get me up off the sofa and into a bath, ive walked the dog, took rubbish out to the bin and and cleaned up my flat a wee bit.
Iāve noticed people not being in touch now or they text to see how I am but donāt dont read my message back for days.
I do have a few friends who have really tried to help and weirdly my ex husband who was Scotts dad has been really supportive.
Iām going to try and meet a friend for a dog walk tomorrow but ill see what Iām like when I get up.
Iām glad you have your other daughter as I have my other son but it doesnāt lessen the loss of the unique person that was your girl and my boy.
Sending love
Ruby xx
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Hi Ruby
Iām glad you were able to do something today. I too got off the sofa and sorted out a couple of things in between the crying. Itās so hard though isnāt it to do something normal. All Iāve been doing is going from my bed to the sofa sometimes having a shower inbetween. The only day that I really tried to be presentable was the day of the funeral as it was what my daughter would have expected as I usually always take care of my appearance. I even went with my daughter to get my nails done before the day in her favourite colour as I do every 3 weeks. It may seem weird to some that I did but my daughter was always proud of the fact that l was always so well groomed.I used to think that all these beauty treatments (i do have alot) were important but I donāt give a shit about how I look now, it all seems so trivial. Iām going to try and go out tomorrow but I will see how I feel in the morning. I live a couple of minutes from a beach but I hate going there as my daughter loved it. All I really want to do is curl up into a ball and join my daughter.
Deborah x
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Itās a terrible feeling. The void which is never filled.
I just dropped Brooke off and her Daddy was in the kitchen ironing. Bless that boy, after a long days work.
I always weep when I drive away. Itās so unfair. Lisa should be there with them. The tears were falling nearly all the way home.
Love to you.
Kate xx
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Ruby, I hope being a little busier helped to fill in the day. Itās a good thing to keep busy. We are very limited in where we can go right now, activities all closed but it will help to be doing something.
And ( Deborah also) about people reducing their contact, unfortunately this will be the case. Iām not sure why, but true support will continue. Try not to focus too much on this and letting it upset you.
On the drinking, I personally, didnāt have any urge to have alcohol at that time. I associated it more with socialising and enjoyment and that was something I didnāt want to do. (I did and do have a drink now) I think this was because my daughter was no longer able to have those fun times anymore.
Get through however is better for each of you.
Love Chris xx
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Thank you Chris x
Thanks for your reply Chris x
Iām the same Deborah
I was always buying new clothes and my nails were always painted. Like you I made myself presentable for his funeral as he also loved fashion and spent most of his spare money on clothes. He always smelled of aftershave and at 6ft 5 I just thought he was gorgeous. Shopping now seems vacuous and of no interest.
Keeping busy has helped a bit today but I know a meltdown is inevitable soon as I just miss him so much.
Ruby xx
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Ruby, are you in Scotland. We are in the Highlands.
Kate xx
Ruby, I get that about the shopping. I had no interest , only getting the necessities. Again, I think this was because my daughter could never do this again.
Chris x
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