Dear Maddie and all,
Maddie I’m sorry you have been poorly and have to go to Winchester but as Marina said, the main thing is to get you better. Just think about when lockdown is over, Bill and I will come down and we’ll have a nice dinner together and a proper catch up.
I can often push the bad memories to the back of my mind by keeping busy but finding it hard right now. I might put myself a G&T later. Love to you all xxx
Hello Purple,
You are so right, it is hard with the lockdown and our children passing before us it is not the right order. Like you I go over Sam passing and then get upset and cry asking him to come back. I loved Sam with all my heart. Not long after Sam had passed, John turned to me and said if I could take his place and let him come back with you I would. John is my second husband not Sam’s father. His own father is a complete waste of space! Just as Sam was was going into a coma I said I love you Sam and he replied love you too. When I get really down I replay that in my head. I will see Sam again when I close my eyes for the last time he will be there waiting.
Love Helen
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Hello Victoria,
Just to let you know I will be thinking of you on Monday, as you say we are all in this together. Gemma will be around you. I think you’re right it will be good to be able to concentrate on something on Monday rather than just sit there.
With love
Helen
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Hi All
I’ve not been too great the last few days. Constant cryinhand still in disbelief that my girl has gone. It hurts to even write this. I’m going to have my covid vaccination on Saturday as I work for the NHS. I’m off sick still but I thought I might as well get it done. Not being able to see people is making things worse at the moment. I can’t see my son or my grandchildren.
Anne how are you doing. Thinking of you all.
Deborah xx
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Hi Maddie, sorry to hear you haven’t been well. It will be difficult to go to the hospital. There are reminders everywhere and in many aspects of our life. I wanted to tell you that I have watched all the episodes of Surviving Death and found most of them very interesting. I do believe there is life after death. 2 different clairvoyants who knew nothing about me told me many things.
Victoria, I’ll be thinking of you on Monday xx
Love Chris xx
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Thank you Helen 
Thank you Helen. I watched all the episodes too and found them so interesting. I know in my heart that I will see Gemma again one day. I am thinking of going to see a medium as I have been recommended someone xxx
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Hi Deborah
So sorry to hear this but it is perfectly normal. It’s horrible, absolutely horrible.
We’re all here for you. Everyone of us knows how you feel and even writing it down makes it real all over again.
It’a such early days and you’ve had the worst thing ever happen to you.
Sending warmest hugs.
Purple
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Thanks Purple. Its nice to know that I’m not going through this alone.
Deborah 
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You are definitely not alone, Purple. We are all here for you and with you. Much love xxx
Thankyou for your good wishes.I am glad you found Surviving Death interesting ,i know i did , and sure we will see are loved ones again some day .
Maddie xxx
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Hi Deborah, I’m so sorry to hear you’ve struggling. I’ve thrown myself into doing things in the house. I’ve also went for walks with friends and my son Euan has started his first job. This all keeps my mind busy, its when I get into bed at night after speaking to his photo that I break down. I try to stop myself as otherwise I just get hysterical and then can’t sleep. Sometimes its as if he is still in his house and just too busy to contact me…I wish.
Love from Anne xxx
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Dear all,
I am feeling quiet low at the moment also as we have been told Matt’s inquest will be delayed until September which is so hard for us all, at this moment I have been reading through all the witnesses statements which is very difficult but he was my little boy who I gave birth too and I have to know every last detail, which only you all understand I know he was asking for me as the lads said he was and he was in so much pain which is so hard to hear, its seems we are all replaying what happened to our children at this moment which is why we are so connected 
Victoria i will be thinking of you on Monday and your precious Gemma , Maddie I’m so sorry you are not well and that you have to go back to that hospital, sending you all love and strength, as soon as I read all your posts I feel I have had a chat with my best friends, who are the only people who will ever know how I feel God bless you all 
Love Michelle xxx
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Lovely photos Anne. I can’t look at any of my daughter yet. I know what you mean about the nights, I cry every night and then can’t sleep. My husband and I have separated, we’d been together for 12 years. He left last week. Something like this happening brings out the worst or the best in people. Unfortunately his true colours came out. We had been having problems for a while. Unfortunately he is a compulsive liar. When I was crying over my daughter he would tut and walk out of the room. I am better off without him and the negative atmosphere has gone from the house. He left a week ago and has not messaged me once to see how I am. It has confirmed that I made the right decision.
Deborah
You don’t need negativity around you now. You need time to grieve and if it’s alone it’s better than having someone around who doesnt understand.
Sending love and support.
Kate xxx
This must be so so hard for you. Reading witness statements and relieving it all.
At least you know we all understand each other, even if our stories are different we all had the same thing to deal with.
The loss of our beloved children.
Love yi you dear girl.
Kate xxx
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I had to go for a Doctors appointment this afternoon and as I stepped out of the car a man came up to speak to me I didn’t know him but I saw he was wearing a mask so instantly I put my hand into my pocket and pulled out mine and as I did so a beautiful white feather came out with the mask and floated to the ground it was slightly windy so I ran after it caught it and put it back in my pocket,
Christian knew how much I hated going to the doctors so if ever he was at home and I had an appointment he would come and sit in the waiting room with me ,I knew when I saw that feather this afternoon then his spirit is still with me and saying( go on Mum your okay I’m with you) xxx
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Thanks Kate I feel better grieving on my own. Marina receiving that feather is so lovely. I look for signs all the time but apart fro from that one experience I’ve had nothing .
Deborah
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Aww Deborah that is hard but you are right, it can bring out the best or worst in people. You can now grieve without that atmosphere. Surround yourself with people who care about you and empathise with what you are going through.
My friend Spasimir had moved back to Bulgaria but we were talking on the phone and then he said look out the window and he was standing outside. I’ve had so much support and love which does help and being able to cry in peace will help too.
I just want to phone Scott today and tell him how his brothers job is going and I saw a lovely Christmas tree in the NEXT sale and he had said his was tatty and I cried because I wanted to buy it for him, its hard enough without a lack of empathy and support.
Think you’ve done the right thing
Love Anne xxx
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Aww Deborah that is hard but you are right, it can bring out the best or worst in people. You can now grieve without that atmosphere. Surround yourself with people who care about you and empathise with what you are going through.
My friend Spasimir had moved back to Bulgaria but we were talking on the phone and then he said look out the window and he was standing outside. I’ve had so much support and love which does help and being able to cry in peace will help too.
I just want to phone Scott today and tell him how his brothers job is going and I saw a lovely Christmas tree in the NEXT sale and he had said his was tatty and I cried because I wanted to buy it for him, its hard enough without a lack of empathy and support.
Think you’ve done the right thing x
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