Aww Deborah I’m so sorry you are struggling.
The inquest being postponed just drags out the stress of it.
I’m glad you have your daughter coming over,
Thinking of you
Anne xxx
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Hi Deborah, I’m sorry you’re having a bad day. Don’t worry that your daughter is looking after you. We all look after one another. Please message me any time and I will be there for you. Much love xxc
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Hi Maddie,
we’re going in June, and we’ve booked hotels on the way up and back. We have rented a house for 5 days up there. We’re driving up taking in the Lake District and the Dales on the way back.
Love Helen
Thank you Victoria xx
I walked in on my son Euan tonight and he shouted at me to get out as he was mid game on the PlayStation. Felt upset and when I took my wee dog out all I could think about was every time I had ever lost my patience or temper with Scott, all I ever wanted to do was make them happy but I raised them on my own, their dad really wasn’t interested when they were young, Euan was 1 and Scott was 5 and I used to save up all year to take them on holiday but it was difficult to relax even on holiday because I had to make sure they were safe. I remember Scott asking me why I looked mad and that memory upsets me but it could be stressful at times on my own. I know we had some really wonderful times so why is every memory of when I felt I’d failed going round my head and now I cant ask him if I was a good mum to him
Anne x
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Hi Anne
You are not alone with those feelings. I think of all the times that I had a cross word with Kathryn and thats all I keep focusing on. I keep forgetting all the happy times. I am having counselling and the counsellor said that as mothers we blame ourselves for not protecting and saving them. It is very natural to feel this way at the beginning. Please don’t focus on those times as I feel that it will destroy us. Euan is grieving as well and probably regrets snapping at you. My daughter has done it to me several times and she has said sorry afterwards. She said she couldn’t help it. From what you’ve said in previous posts it sounds like you and Scott were very close and that you loved each other dearly. You are a wonderful mum xx
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It’s not easy being a parent as we want our children to know how to behave and how to respect others.
I remember being so angry with Lisa when she bit Jemma. She left teeth marks on jemmas arm . She must have been about 5 I think. I remember pushing her upstairs to her room and saying, don’t dare come down till you understand how bad you have been.
It is so hard but we all know that flabby parenting produces hapless undisciplined kids.
We never get it right all of the time but we do our best. Xxxxx
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Thanks Deborah, that helped, I’ve done it a few times since I lost him, just going over and over times I was bad tempered but I loved him so much like you loved your lovely girl.
It’s so hard isn’t It? The hell we are going through and knowing it will never end.
You are a wonderful mum too
Anne xxx
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Thanks Kate
I was same, always wanted them to show consideration for others which they both did, always got compliments on them both.
But like you I remember Scott deliberately pushing Euan and me shouting at him in the street, Euans face was all scrapped and I was so angry, its not always easy and raising them alone made it more difficult although it was much better than raising them with their dad but I was too independent and didn’t have any support, you are right though Kate we can only do our best
Thanks
Anne x
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Dear Anne,
We all have the same feelings of guilt, when Matt was a teenager before he joined the army we went through a time when we were always arguing and when we feel low we remember those times and magnify them, you need to give yourself a huge pat on the back for bringing up your lovely boys alone and did a brilliant job, the fact you spoke to Scott every day and the lovely photo of you both at the football shows how much he loved you as a mom and a best friend 
Matt was also my best friend and we had such laughs and we told him every day how proud we were and how much we loved him and he would always thank us for supporting him and tell us he loved us all he would end his messages family first famiily forever take care and here’s a big hug 
Lots of love yo all
Michelle xxxx
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Aww thanks Michelle
You start to feel you are the only mum who ever had an argument with their child.
It helps to hear other mums and realise that that’s the same for everyone .
Thanks for your support, Matt obviously came from a very loving family.
Anne xxx
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H ello everyone, we have just got back from seeing a friend as I have just found a video of Dawns wedding in Florida 1996 so he is going to hopefully put it on a cd.But his ex wife was there we used o be really friendly with her years ago But I was. really shocked what she said next.She said that didn’t I ought to let Dawn go now as Dawn has been gone for 4years now,and she will not rest while I am grieving for so much .Ifelt really annoyed and was trying to hold it together .Do think i she is right can we grieve too much for our darling children ?Maddie xxx
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Grief has no end date Maddie, just a start date. Those of us who are in this group know that all too well.
With love , Kate xx
Aww Maddie,
She has obviously never lost a child, can’t believe how thoughtless people can be and how lacking in empathy and understanding.
Think its for you to decide how to grieve your child and I hope she never has to endure the pain you do every day for the rest of your life.
Anne xxx
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Dear Maddie,
First of all a big well done for keeping your cool and not giving her a mouth full 
she certainly derved one but Karma will catch up with her 
the plus point is you may not have to see her again, am so glad you will have your DVD to watch soon of your precious Dawn, we will never let go or move on just a little bit forward when we are ready, if you feel that you struggle talking about Dawn with people and even talking to Sarah just talk to us as we will listen to you all day long , take care
Dear Anne, and all of us mum’s
Throughout their growing up we have all lost it at some point but I am absolutely sure the only people worrying over this will be us, trying to punish ourselves when we don’t need to. We have all been really good mum’s that’s why it is so hard now. I am sure Scott, Lisa, Kathryn, Dawn, Gemma and Sam will be looking at us and saying…for goodness sake mum give yourself a break, we will always love you.
With love
Helen
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Maddie
ABSOLUTELY NOT…how dare she say that, she has absolutely no idea what grief is like, I think you did well not to give her a mouthful!! I am sure I couldn’t . As for Dawn not resting…that’s rot, Dawn knows exactly and she is all around you, locked firmly in your heart.
“If you simply cant understand why someone is grieving so much
for so long, then consider yourself fortunate that you do not understand”
That would have been a very cutting reply!!
Love Helen
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Thank you dear friends,I thought you would all understand ,I knew when she said it Ithought what are you talking about , you have never lost any of your children.But it’s been a really awkward week ,specialy after Sarah’s husband text me and said know will ever forget Dawn ,but remember that I have another daughter and I should start living for the family I have .Well that’s a laugh as well as we do anything for them at a drop of a hat.Icanunderstand why sometimes we ask ourselves are we bad mothers?Iam now watching Long Island Medium channnel just to try and cheer myself up . With love Maddie xx
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Sorry meant to put channel 39 She is loud but great ,I would love to see her cx
Dearest Maddie, some people can be so stupid … honestly! As the others have said, our grieving will never stop as we loved our children so much. As someone once said ‘grief is the price we pay for love’. You are probably like me … I don’t say anything then when I get hone I think ‘I wish I had said this!’
At least we have each other, we all understand and will always be here for you.
Lots of love
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