Hi all this time next week be xmas .xmas without sam .he was 25 in march .died in april .cannot imagine the day without him . Why is life so cruel .taking our children .i hate that word sarcoma very rare cancer .ive had breast cancer . They yook my baby . The pain is so bad tonight .its just not right .want my superhero here making me laugh …mad sam loved the Lloyds black horse advert .its just come on as im writing crazy life . Best wishes and love to you all .thanks for listening to me much love zoe xxx
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Oh Zoe, i agree it’s just too awful ,I am only getting through it with the help of wine, couldn’t cope without it at the moment I don’t think. It’s like going back to the day he died again, that little bit I moved on all washed away. I Am watching Scrooge 1951 in black and white at the moment, do every year it’s a tradition, my boy is usually here with me tho 
I really don’t know if I can get through the next week without going mad.
Love jss xxx
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Stay strong darlings. We all stand together, stronger together.
With love
Kate xx
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The feeling of not having our children at Christmas is a huge black hole x sending love to all on this site it’s been 6 weeks since Matt passed away and I’m still in denial some days with this group we will support each other and get through the darkness
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Very early days my love. Still reeling from your loss. Let grief take its time. There is no time limit, we are all different.
Sending love and hope.
Kate xxx
Theres no words jss its just to hard love zoe xx
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Thank you kate for your kind words love to you zoe xx
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Thank god for this group sending u love such early days my thoughts with you too love zoe xx
Thank you all for your kind words. I’ve been really naughty tonight, I’ve had a bottle of wine and 2 gin and tonics and I haven’t finished yet, I’m finding it hard to cope. I live on my own so luckily I don’t have anyone to nag or judge me. I’m just finding this whole Christmas thing without my daughter so hard. She loved Christmas and its just not the same. I know that you all understand exactly how I am feeling. Someone said to me yesterday, enjoy yourself and be happy you still have her in your heart. I nearly said to her f…k off you have no idea but I didn’t. Anyway sorry to ramble.
Deborah xx
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Wynne iv no words to comfort grieving parents your child is part of you so it’s such a natural feeling your having I talk from experience many years ago our child died in a tragic worst possible type of death in my mind I honestly thought the pain would kill me I have no idea how I came through it but I did I guess I had to survive no-matter what .youl find us parents have no names after loosing a child it’s because it’s so cruel there isn’t one I am not going to even begin to make suggestions as youl know yourself what’s best for you .the one tiny bit of advise is look for child specialist bereavement I went for many years most of the time I’d sit cry then go home till eventually I was able to talk about it .it’s a pain that never leaves you but you’ll learn to live and carry your pain .again j I won’t say a time as we’re all different iv had person say I enjoy the pain otherwise I’d let it go well sadly that person hasn’t a clue but a heart of nothing
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Oh Deborah I wish you had said f—- off it’s so frustrating when your told merry Christmas or why don’t you make a decorating in there memory or when they say now what would your child say seeing you this way all you want to do is scream once when someone said that to me I said did you not know my child yes they said I replied then you’d know exactly how they’d feel the thing is I do feel this way and my child would understand as he knew the unconditional love I have for him but my advise alcohol is not the answer is a depressant when your so so sad I know as I went there one wine then two then a whole bottle I just felt even more out of control iv kicked the drink to tea total many years now but I get support from places with knowledge bless you I tend to count the days on the calandra till January been honest I then think done another year without my child so here goes I start all over again it’s going to be a lifelong pain you’ll carry what dose happen you learn to carry it i different way you won’t believe this at this point and possibly feel like telling me to F…. Off and that’s fine too hope to chat to you again
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Hi Deborah , I am with you today. I could barely breath all day , just groaning with every breath and the pain in my chest was just too bad as well , all just stress and anxiety but I was doubled over with hurt. If a drink helps what else can you do, I don’t usually drink everyday but I may do until Christmas is over just to get through . The doctor gave me diazepam in the beginning but only the one lot she said I could not have anymore. I hope it gets better after Christmas or I will just have to go back to her or pay for some counselling. How do mothers survive such a loss and stay sane?
Let’s give ourselves a break . Love jss xx
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Have a drink if it makes you feel better. Ive just poured a baileys xx
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Yes very true Anne .Alcohol is not the answer long term it is a depressant , and I can’t say I even like it much but it does take the pain away , I expect that’s what they mean by self medicating . I have even thought about smoking instead to calm myself a bit and I have never ever smoked ,I just don’t know how to get through some days. Some days I don’t, I just stay in bed. You are further down the line in your journey , just hope I can find a way through at some point.
Thanks for your words . Jss xx
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Reading through the messages, it’s a pain and the agony we as mother’s are feeling the same uncontrollable loss that nothing can help. I’m setting here drinking as yes, it does help to calm a little. I have tried to find a film that I can totally focus on so that my mind can stop for a short time but it doesn’t work everytime. As time approaches after midnight, I’m getting more unsettled as I lost my baby at 3.30ish Sunday morning. 12 weeks and still can’t come to terms with it. Feels like he’s at his own place, only difference, he’s not called or sent me a message.
People do say, try to have a nice Christmas, how, how do you have a nice Christmas without your baby with you 
.
Keeping talking and sharing as this site has helped me a lot, think I would gave lost it by now.
Take care. X
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Hi dally its so raw so fresh .we are in this .we dont want yo be here .but it makes a bit of sense. People just think you should be ok it dont work like that .im having a drink too. Stay safe xxx
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I have got through difficult evenings by watching foreign dramas on More 4 or other channels. Reading subtitles focuses my mind so I don’t drift into horrible thoughts again.
Thinking of you.
Much love, Kate xx
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It’s six weeks ago I found my son . I have like you tried to focus on books and films ect . I found him in his room fire brigade had to come through window so each time I pass his door I see it all over again . I find going for a walk or doing cross stitch helps xx sending you love
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Likewise Kate, reading the subtitles leaves no time for emotion, long walks with our dogs and gardening lots of gardening just anything to try and stop the mind from wandering.
My heart goes out to those who are having to cope with living through their first Christmas without their child, but also to the rest of us, Life can be particularly cruel at this time of year. .
Love to all. Marina xxx
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So so saddened for you loosing a child is the worst most possible pain a mother can carry, your child is part of you for me it’s been many years now I’d say the pain changed but it’s with you everywhere.part of me is missing and I guess il never feel whole again iv had specialised child bereavement help yet nothing helped I got fed up with how would your son want you to be, or what would he think if he could see you now gave it up in the end I hope you continue to find your own way of dealing with this unimaginable painx
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