Dear Deborah, I recognise completely how you are feeling and wish I could give you a big hug. I have to be careful how I am around my other two children and try to put a happy face on for them. I can understand it as they just want their old normal, happy mum back. So I try so hard for them.
I was prescribed anti depressants but have to admit I never took them as I was afraid of any side effects. I think it is helpful to see your GP though. I have a friend who takes them and she says they help her so much.
I know you have your new beautiful granddaughter ā¦ such a blessing. But since losing Gemma I get very tearful when I see a new baby, particularly girls. I think they are such a reminder of what we have lost and I loved their baby days so much.
Sorry for rambling 
. Send you lots love and peace today 
Hi Victoria
Thank you, I find it so hard to smile or find joy in anything. I am happy about my new granddaughter but I just canāt seem to show it. I keep looking at her and wishing that my daughter was here. She would have been so happy and excited. She didnāt have children of her own but was a fantastic aunty. It is just all too sad.
Deborah xx
Thank you so much Lisa for your reply.Its extremely hard to accept the loss and I spend most of my time thinking It would be nice if he would still alive.Every thing was great until last year in January, when all in sudden he was diagnosed with non hodhkin Lymphoma. There were times when he was really unwell but went through well. He was in remission and we are celebrating as we booked a studio flat for him so he can carry on his studies but he suddenly felt unwell and I took him to the hospital, thought it might be an infection but he ended up staying in ICU for five days and died holding my hand.I was so helpless for not being able to save him as I used to say to him as long as your mum is alive, nothing would happen to you.He was very positive and sure to be out of ICU.My nights are nightmares and recall all the memories I had with him.I go to his grave every day.
You are absolutely right, only those people understand the pain who are going through the same pain.
Thank you for reading
Ghaz xx
Ghaz, you can read my story here. Lisa was on ECMO for nearly weeks. She had been on holiday with her wee family and picked up a virus. She had a long term lung condition but was very fit and healthy. She was a wedding Florist.
It still is painful for me to retell it all. We love them all of their lives and beyond.
We are all here, suffering our losses. We have become good friends, some have met up in person. We met up with Samās Mum, Helen. A truly beautiful human being. No doubt you will hear from her. Even though I havenāt met any of the other Mumās I feel so close to them as we share something so horrendous only here can we bare our souls as its too hard to even talk to family as they get so upset too.
Keep posting. Any time day or night, someone will always be awake and will respond.
Much love.
Kate xxx
Thank you Kate, I am new , I would love to meet you up whenever you guys arrange. Thanks xxx
Well I think we are now free to do that now restrictions are being lifted.
Be kind to yourself. Some here have worried about drinking more, eating more and not wanting to get out of bed.
Myself, I had no idea how Lisaās death would affect me physically. I lost so much weight as I could eat but was sick afterwards. I didnāt feel well for months, but eventually I kept my head above water. Now I can enjoy family time again and spending time with our elder daughter Jemma and our wee granddaughter Brooke, Lisaās wee girl. She is our lifeline.
Take care dear Ghaz. We will all be thinking of you.
Kate xxx
Dear Ghaz, as Kate said, it is very early days. You must be in great shock. I think that slowly we learn to live with the grief and in the early days after losing my previous girl,
I would never have thought that would be possible.
We do understand each other here and offer each love and support xx
Thank you so much, I appreciate xxx
Hello Ghaz , I am so sorry to hear about your loss , and I find whatever anyone says canāt take away the feeling of loss that you are feeling right now. Only the people on here know exactly what you are going through. I lost my only son 5 months ago with a brain tumour . The only symptoms he had were headaches in the evenings and that was only a couple of months before he passed away . He was a fit 36 year old guy , we greive every day and Iām still off work, but I feel being on this site and reading the messages on here does give me a lift. Everyone on here is grieving and we all try and get through the day as best we can , sending you all my love, Pete
Thank you so much Pete for your reply. I am so lucky to join this group as we know what we are going through.I have been signed off but thinking to go back to work in April to distract myself.I have locked his room and moved his things away as it is tramatazing and feel extremely sad when I see his pics.
Thank you for your support
Ghaza xx
Dear Ghaz
Iām so sorry to read about your son. Iām sending you love.
Itās so early for you and as others will tell you, itās literally one hour at a timeā¦just get through that hour.
I found it impossible to think of a future without my son Henry who died shortly after his 30th birthday in 2019.
The people here saved meā¦I realised it was normal to feel so abnormalā¦nothing made sense but that was how it was.
Shock and absolute disbelief does create physical painā¦so many of us understand that.
A bomb has gone off in your lifeā¦just as it has in oursā¦we all know the grief. We canāt take it away but we can be here. We are here.
Keep posting.
Warmest hugs
Purple
Thank you so much Purple for sharing your loss with me
Love Ghaz xxx
Hi Ghaz
Im so deeply sorry for the loss of your lovely son. You are in great shock right now just take your time .baby steps. ā¦my son sam got ill last january he had sarcoma a rare cancer that spread .he lasted 4 months .its shocking he was just 25 in the march . Life is cruel we dont know why all this sadness happens . But this site is my saving grace.the lovely ladys and men on here are the same been through such tragedy with the loss of our children .sending big hugs you are not alone love zoe 
Hi victoria .my friend took me to the beach today we had a bit of lunch. The sea made me smile .and i can honestly say i felt happy for awhile. Thinking of everyone much love zoe xxx
Dear Ghaz,
So sorry deeply sorry for the loss of your precious Son 
am glad you have joined our group as you will receive so much love and support from those who really know how you feel, my son Matt passed 5th May 2019, it will be 3 years and I donāt know how Iāve survived, I remember I used to just read the posts for the first couple of months and even this helped me so much, I feel so close to everyone and we have all become so close, I too feel as if Iām just surviving and keeping up the act for my children and others itās what we have to do as they rely on us to stay strong but on this site you can say exactly how you feel and no-one will judge you but everyone will support you you will have better days and you will laugh again but you will never be the same person you were before, be kind to yourself and keep posting.
Much love Michelle xxx
Deborah
She is gorgeous, a wise face wee face.
Iām so happy you have someone wonderful to concentrate on and ease your pain.
Welcome to the world Aubree Kathlyn Grace
Anne x
Deborah,
how beautiful she is beautiful a new life. I havenāt been on here for a while, but have been seeing all your posts.
Take care all of you
Love Helen
Hi ladys
Had a hard few days . All my family we try to be ok but we so hurt and angry. Even my little grandson been sobbing .loosing sam has changed everything its so cruel. Its like a light has gone out in all our lives .
Mothers day tomorrow .last year sam bought me beautiful bangle .the sadness is so great .
My daughter jess will be 30 on the 20 th april ā¦we lost sam on the 27th .its all so raw so painful i miss him so much
Going through the motions just trying to get through love zoe xx
Zoe, it is so sad. We all have an emptiness within us. I too have been a bit low, thinking of other Motherās days. From working with Lisa at her florist shop to being taken out by both my girls. The last one was 2019. I had said not to take me on the Sunday but to wait to later in the week. Jemma had some time off and we went to Dornoch for lunch. It wasnāt weather like this but we had a lovely time. I miss Lisa every minute of every day but we have Jemma and Brooke and Jamie whom we love dearly. When our hearts are so broken they never really mend. We just do our best.
Sending love and hugs.
Kate xxx
Thats right kate how can they mend.we all broken . Xx