I’ve been reading this conversation for a few days and wanted to post to it, but have accidentally started a new one somewhere else. Wasn’t thinking straight I suppose. But now I see no posts for two days. Is it still ok to post? Ann
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Hi ann you can post on any topic any time .we all here for one and other love zoe x
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Thank you Zoe, I feel I already know you from reading your posts. I’ll write my message again. It went to a conversation ‘my daughter’ which people on here may not have read, but this is such a caring community I want to join you.
My beloved daughter Katherine passed on on 9th March, a month after cancer making a last violent attack on her.
She went into hospital on 8th Feb, went home, hospital again, then into hospice (her wish) on 23rd Feb.
She was married in the hospice to her long term partner on 24th Feb, my late mother’s birthday.
She passed on 9th March and her funeral was 21st March.
Her brother’s birthday was 25th March, a day he was in no mood to celebrate. and after his non birthday there was my non Mother’s day on the 27th. I asked for it not to be marked, but I did put up her card from last year, just that one.
And Saturday 2nd April is her birthday.
Then 6th April the birthday of her husband and also her late father, my ex husband.
So many days, once so celebrated.
But I’m trying to talk to her, keep her close.
On the other thread I’ve had some lovely replies, from Daisyrose and Nell and Sue.
I’m trying not to dwell on the horrendous negatives, though that is so hard.
I’m trying to think of how glad I am that she came here to be MY daughter, how lucky I am for that, and how grateful I am for her being in my life.
I will always miss her desperately, but nothing can take our love away.
Thank you for reading, love and hugs, Ann x
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Oh Anne im so sorry for your loss .your beautiful daughter .its so raw .and so many dates its awful .bless her heart got marrid in the hospice .if you dont mind me asking how old was she . I really hope you can find some comfort on here . I lost my son sam last april the 27th . He had a rare sarcoma cancer .he only new four months he was gone . He only just had his 25 th birthday . My heart is broken .the ladys and men on here have been a godsend i could not get by without coming on here …everyone so lovely .all at different stages on this awful road we have found ourselves on . Keep texting much love zoe 
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Thank you Zoe, I’ll write again but not tonight. Love Annx
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Dear Ann. There is no greater pain than that which we endure. It comes in waves. Sometimes we can barely stand.
It’s 3 years in July since we lost Lisa. A truly amazing young woman who, like you, we are so proud that she was our daughter. Jemma our eldest still grieves terribly for her sister and is always eager to do fundraising for the BLF as Lisa had a very rare lung condition. Through this she deals with her ongoing grief. For me it’s still difficult at times but somehow with the support of our lovely friends here, I get on with my life as best I can. We all do but it takes time. It’s always just below the surface, waiting to bubble up and the tears flow.
Sending love and hugs.
Kate xx
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Hi , Welcome to this site…I know like everyone of us here it’s a place you never hope to be, but it is the place where you will find more comfort and understanding then anywhere…we all understand the pain each one of us are going through and we are always here to listen and help. Look after yourself…Marina xxx
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Hello Ann
we are all here for you no one judge just words of encouragement and because we are walking in the same shoes we know how you feel like no one else ever can. I lost my Sam aged 34 to a brain tumour in December 2. I too talk out loud to him and I know he can hear me. We have to get through each day as best we can and like you I feel lucky to have had Sam in my life for the 34 years.
With love
Helen
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Dear All,
I found an article this morning which echoes how I feel and thought I would share a part of it. Four years after losing Gemma, the terrible panics have largely gone and have been replaced with a sadness which has settled on me. It lifts for much if the time but seems to be there in the background. It is probably the same for all of us, a few years after losing our children. This is the excerpt:
The truth, for me, is that I don’t want to stop feeling sad. I don’t fight the sadness or resent it. One of the anomalies of grief is that painful as it is, we may fear the day we no longer feel it. Does that mean we have forgotten? Or that we no longer care? Of course not, but the fear is enough to make us cling to the grief at times, clutch it tightly because it is, in its way, an ongoing connection with the one we lost.
People often tell those who are grieving, “Your loved one wouldn’t want you to be sad.” I don’t think that’s entirely true. Our loved ones wouldn’t want us to give up reaching for joy and [happiness], they wouldn’t want us to give up on life. But I believe they would want us to be sad, just as they would be sad to lose us—and wouldn’t you want them to be?
There is no chance we will ever forget our loved ones. We will always love them. And we will probably hear that melancholy oboe for the rest of our lives. Sometimes it will soar to the surface of our consciousness, reminding us of the loss, other times it will just noodle quietly in the background. I think we must learn to accept and even embrace it.
I don’t fight the sadness. Unlike the anguish of the other emotions, the sadness feels gentle. It feels like love. When it comes over me, I stop whatever I am doing and let myself feel it fully. Sometimes it brings tears, sometimes just that ache in my chest, but it is always a moment to feel everything I have ever felt for her. It is my heart remembering.
I met up with Purple yesterday and it was so lovely, to meet up together, to walk and talk. You helped me so much, Purple so a huge hug to you today 
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Such lovely words and yes…that’s it…we feel it at different times at different strengths…sometimes fleetingly…sometimes full on…
I’m glad I can face the grief and I know the sadness will eventually sleep until the next time…
Thank you Victoria…it was such a blessing to meet you yesterday and share our thoughts. You’ve helped me too.
Nature is so inspiring…for us to see things springing back to life. It gives hope.
It’s my son George’s 34th birthday today…another without his brother Henry. We will celebrate though and be forever grateful for our time as a family and for the years we hopefully have ahead. One day we will be reunited.
My metaphor today is that I see my old life as a sinking ship…I need to be brave and set off in the lifeboat with the other survivors…to who knows where. But at least I won’t drown in a sea of sorrow.
Much love to you all. The bravest of humanity.
Purple xx
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Dear Purple, that is a lovely metaphor … stepping into the ship. I chose a lovely reading for my mums funeral, about the ship sailing with our loved one onboard which really comforted me. It was also read at the Queen mothers funeral which she would have been chuffed about!
I hope you have a lovely day celebrating George’s birthday and enjoy your time with him. Onwards and upwards.
Much love xxx
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It is so comforting to here those words Victoria and Purple.It is only 7 weeks since my daughter passed away.And the only thing I have in my head was the horrendous end of life care or lack of it.I cannot get over how she suffered at the end.I come from a large close knit family of 7.I lost 5 of my siblings within 2 years I miss them dearly but nothing compares to losing your child.I am the youngest and I am in my 70s so it was yhere tim.But not my daughters.
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Dear Kath, 7 weeks is no time at all. It is such early days for you. For the first months after we lost Gemma, I was still in shock, fearing I was going mad. But gradually a calmness settled around me and I am sure you will find the same. Take care and look after yourself. Much love to you xxx
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Dear Kath4
I’m so sorry you find yourself in our company. Wish that it was not the case.
As Victoria has said it’s such early days for you. I was a complete wreck when Henry died. I literally did think I’d die from the shock and pain.
Taking each hour at a time…meditation and this site has grounded me…given me some strength to continue.
We are on this journey together, whatever the stage. Don’t feel alone as we’re with you.
Big hugs and love
Purple x
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Dear Victoria,
Thank you so much for sharing this article with us, it sums up perfectly just how I feel I can relate to every word, it helps so much to read things like this or to know how our friends on this site are feeling as it helps us to feel we are not alone on this journey. It’s amazing how you came across it I’m sure Gemma led you to it and wanted you to share it with us, bless her 
Sending much love to all Michelle xxxx
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Dear Kath,
I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your precious daughter we all feel your pain which I know is unbearable and you probably feel like you will never recover, you will eventually find a way to live alongside your grief, but you will live a different life now, your old self left the day your daughter passed but she never left you, as she will stay tightly locked away in your heart pocket forever until one day when you can join her. Keep sharing and posting on here and we will all help you on this horrendous journey, we are all here for you always, take care.
Hugs and love from Michelle xxx
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Dear Michelle
Thankyou for your kind and comforting words…I will keep posting because I feel that people who have lost a child truly understands. Xxx
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Dear Kath
I do hope you get some comfort from this site, knowing you are not alone.
It’s horrendous that there are so many of us, but good that we found this place to share love .
Tomorrow is the last of my string of dates that used to be so lovely to celebrate, but are now bitter sweet. It will be the birthday of my Kath’s husband, and four weeks since she passed on.
My Katherine was not a young adult like so many, sadly, on here. She had had some good life, though not long enough. One of the hospice nurses said to me, whatever age, she’s still your baby, and no mum should have to face this. They also said she is a strong young woman who won’t give up easily. Although she had told her brother she had had enough. I told her I wished it was me, and she said she wouldn’t wish this on anyone. I was so angry with God, whoever, for not taking me, an old woman who’d had my life. But at least in the hospice they gave her the best possible care.
Katherine was/is so in credibly brave. One of the words people repeatedly used about her was ‘amazing’.
I think it’s harder in some ways for her husband, brother, sister than for me her mum, because I won’t have to live too long before I join her.
She said to her brother ‘There will be a hole, but it will get easier, or at least less hard, and then life in all its rackety glory will carry on’.
Ann, with much love to you all.
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What a day , just been to my friends funereal that has just lost her 44yesr old son . And I must admit I was in a worse state than her . I feel so ashamed of myself . But this morning my cousin rang and she has just lost her husband. And to tell you the truth I am trying to comfort them , but I am not doing a very good thing . As I am still grieving for Dawn .And I don’t think my words a are helping . All I can do is tell them how I am feeling , but I am stil 5!years on . , and my heart is stil breaking for my lovely Daughter , love Maddie xx
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Oh Maddie my heart goes out to you. And to all those on this site. It is so cruel and unfair that good kind people have to suffer such unbearable loss. All we can do is send our love l:heart:
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