I think this sums up how we all feel at times now 
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Oh victoria that is so very true . Hope your ok xx
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So very true Victoria xxh
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Another night i sit looking at sams pic , all we have is pictures and memoryās. I spray is aftershave so i smell him . It so cruel .trying to be cheerful with things its just crap. I just want a hug .a chat . Why have we been dealt this shit . He went through enough as a baby to survive open heart surgery . Why take him now its so bloody wrong .i feel so cheated . This life what is it . X
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Hi Zoe9,
Iām sitting here this morning feeling just the same. Remembering Andrewās big hugs and thinking he should be here. There was no read for him to die! Every single thing I look at or think about reminds me of him and my heart aches so much. I feel so empty and sad.
I donāt know how to face a lifetime of this utter hopelessness.
Love and hugs to everyoneā¦life is cruel.
Sue xxx
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That hole you left behind.
The one you used to fill.
It follows me everywhere.
At times it gives me a chill.
I look round to see you.
But itās just an empty space.
I see that hole everywhere.
Its in every single place.
I call you on the mobile.
Look for you on the net.
But it just comes up a blank.
Itās the only thing I get.
I know youāre stalking me.
Probably taking the piss.
That stupid laugh of yours.
A thing I really miss.
Iām no longer a dad.
With all that entails.
Watching all your triumphs.
Helping with your fails.
But what I miss most of all.
I no longer need to worry.
You took that away from me.
You left in such a hurry.
I catch an old photo of you.
It takes me right back.
A 1000 memories I have.
Me and you having the craic.
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Wonderful Jim
Love and hugs Ann
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Such lovely words, Jim and so true for us all. Thank you xx
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Such emotional words that come from the heartā¦Thank you for sharing this with us. xxx
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That describes how I feel exactly Jim,
There is such a massive hole in my life without Andrew. The biggest hole is inside the shell of my body. I feel so empty, life is just meaningless at the moment.
Today is my birthday. Andrew would have been round by now with a lovely card ( he always spent ages picking one with the perfect words)ā¦and probably flowers and a big bottle of gin!
I just looked back to last years WhatsApp messages. Heād treated me to a detecting rally and Iād thanked him for a lovely day to which heād replied " It was great to spend some quality time with you. Love you loads mum xxxxxxxxxxxxx"
Iām not missing him more because itās my birthdayā¦every day is heartbreaking without him 
.
I wake up nowā¦every morning and just see an empty nothingness stretching out ahead of me.
Sorryā¦another āpoor meā post.
I do read everyone elseās posts and I wish I could offer advice and helpful words but feel so sad at the moment I wouldnāt help anyone.
Love and caring hugs to you all
Sue xxxxx
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Suedav. Itās not a āpoor meā. Post. Everyone here knows just how hard it is. You are going through a massive adjustment period that you never asked for or indeed never ever wanted in the first place. If you canāt say how you are feeling in here then where can you. This is where you can open yourself up and get it all of your chest. People in here are all travelling the same road. You are amongst the people that know just how f##### truly horrible it is. Be yourself, donāt apologize for your feelings. Jim
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Hello everyone , thatās why I havenāt been posting , I donāt want to depress everyone more than you deserve . After 5 years my heart is aching for Dawn , . And we never do anything like a it never seems to get any better . We have lost quite a few friends and family since Dawns passing . And every passing seems to bring all the memories back . Sarah is still distant , we have made up but never see her weekends as I fell out with her husband on Dawns last anniversary .
And I never do anything with her like we used to . I just feel like I have lost to daughters . I know that sound awful , but thatās the way I feel at the moment . Just feel so depressed and weepy. And suppose to be going to Greece in 2 weeks . . Just want to go away and not come back . Sending love to all Maddie xx
- List item
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Hi Maddie
I know how you feel. Itās a Bank Holiday and I am sitting here on my own. I could go to my mums or my brothers but I feel that I depress people with my sadness. I have done some gardening but my heart really isnāt in it, all I can do is cry. I miss Kathryn so much. I know itās early in the day but Iāve just poured a glass of wine, it helps to numb the pain xx
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Oh Deboroah , sorry you are feeling like it as well , yes although I feel depressed , I you would think company would help , but like you canāt be bothered to talk to anyone . . Sarrah never bothers to come round at weekends , she has texted and said we can pop round to see her tomorrow but that will probably be a quick visit . We did go out for the day on Saturday with a couple of friends , but had to put on my false face just to be sociable . Oh how are we ever going to get through losing our girls . The longer it goes on the worse I feel , I miss seeing and talking to her so much . So hope we can still meet up in June . Hope Dawn comes through the Medium as have so many questions to ask Dawn . Take care enjoy your wine . , we will have a bottle when we meet up xxxx
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Dear all
I canāt always postā¦sometimes I canāt find the words in the face of such horrendous grief we all share. I feel your pain as you feel mineā¦
Today Is not so badā¦even goodā¦trying to help myself not drownā¦
Iāve made a mental list of all the positive loving people in my life including Henry. Everyone deserve some love from meā¦again including Henry.
I need to ensure I donāt put all my energy and love into my griefā¦.because Henry is no longer on earth with me.
He is still somewhere, waiting for me to cross over.
Of course the break in my heart will be with me until I stop breathingā¦ā¦but it canāt consume meā¦much as it tries. Time fliesā¦this is a temporary situation we are all struggling with.
Thank you for being there.
Love to you all
Purple x
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Dear Purple , I love your possiitive attitude . I could do with some of that . Maddie xx
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Dear Purple, I am the same. My heart is so broken. Not just for the loss of Lisa but of how much she suffered. She hid her suffering from us all as she was so bright and positive when we visited. Not so much with me as she knew I knew that we were losing the fight. I have a lump in my throat as I type. She was so courageous, it humbles me to think about it now. BUT and itās a big BUT, like you I wonāt let all that grief eat me away anymore. I have a loving husband, a beautiful daughter, a wonderful granddaughter and son in law.
The joy they bring to me makes me carry on.
Just yesterday I took Brooke swimming. She had been taken to swimming since 4 months but then lockdown so she just missed out on her final pre school lessons so she still couldnāt swim. However yesterday she just got it and was so delighted there was no stopping her. I was just elated, I said out loud Lisa darling, can you see her? Sheās swimming.
That little girl was buzzing with her achievement. She couldnāt wait to tell Grandad and Daddy. What a joy she brings to our lives.
Much love Purple, lovely to read your positive posts.
Kate xx
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Dear Maddie
Youāve made it this farā¦with Dawn forever in your heart with everyone else you love. Thereās room for so many.
Believe me I struggle desperately at times but as Iāve said before grief is the thief which will take everything if it canā¦.but we canāt let itā¦together we can stop that happening.
Big hugs and love
Purple x
Dear Kate
I so understand - Lisa lives on in your heart but there she is also in Brooke. Bringing you joy in the face of such sadness.
My grandchildren do that. Henryās son Oliver is such an inspiration. How could I let him down when heās lost his Daddyā¦ Our lives cannot be all about the loss and grief weāre enduring but the love we have for those still with us.
So wonderful Brooke is swimming, how proud you must be. You are inspiring Kateā¦.sharing your sadness but balanced with the happiness you can still find.
Love and hugs to you
Purple x
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