It’s awful but one day you will feel a bit better. Never the same my love but better.
Sending love and hugs.
Kate xxx
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Hi Zoe , me to , this first anniversary has really knocked me down worse than I could ever imagine . I just don’t recognise this world anymore and can’t make sense of anything. I was hoping time would help but it does not seem to . It’s been so long since I have seen my boy I just can’t bear it 
Sending love to all on this awful journey of grief x
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Zoe - just read your text and I am so so sorry that you are feeling so down. You give so much on this platform and I appreciate everything you share. You are brave very brave as you open your heart to us all and tell us about the depth of love you have for your beautiful boy… y Sam. You have helped me to express my pain and yo truly am in awe at times as how much pain you carry and still reach out to us. Appreciate and have huge respect you Zoe. Please look. after your own heart too.xx
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Hi Sue my son is exactly the same he just keeps everything close to his chest.Different from my daughter who was always so open.He will feel his brothers loss and miss him in his own way.I have lost 5 close siblings but what I feel now is far more unbearable.I found it easy to move forward when I lost my sisters.I know it hurts when they don’t mention him but he might be trying to spare your feelings.
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Zoe I wish I could give you a big hug.XXX
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Hello Jenna, had been wondering how you were, you haven’t posted recently.
Some on here are having a worse even than usual time, with dates coming up, especially Zoe and Kath.
Thinking about you and sending love to you all
Ann xx
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Dear Zoe,
I am so sorry you are feeling so low at the moment I agree with Jenna you have been an inspiration too many and Sam would be so proud, even in the early days you reach out to help others even though you were struggling, we are all sending you love and hugs 🫂 
keep you chin up Zoe, you need to be with your little grandchildren and daughter as they will fill your heart with happiness to help carry you through this darkness, please believe me it will pass and it will return but you will get through it as Sam would be so sad to see you struggling like this, keep posting Zoe we are all here for you
Much love, Michelle xxx
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Hiya Zoe - just hang on in there, tomorrow might be a bit brighter than today. Not much use to you right now though. I’m sending you my wishes for some peace. Be kind to yourself, you deserve that peace, you need a respite. I’m sending you hugs and respect xx
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Dear Zoe,
We will all be thinking of you tomorrow and sending you our love. You are always there for everyone else with your kind, caring words. I wish I could say more to help you but tomorrow some of my tears will be just for you and Sam.
Lots of love and warm hugs Sue xxxxx
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Thank you Kath,
Yes…I think you’re right. Ewan is dealing with the loss of his brother the best way he knows how. He does keep messaging me saying how sorry he is that me and his dad are having to “deal” with everything. I think I was worried that he was bottling it all up and maybe it would hit him all of a sudden…but as people keep saying, we all deal with grief in our own ways.
Thank you so much for your kind words…it means such a lot!
Love and hugs…Sue xxxx
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Hi Beth,
Thank you for replying to me. Yes…Andrew is such a lovely name isn’t it? His friends always laughed at me as I never called him Andy as they did…he was always Andrew to me.
He loved to store up information too…if it was something of interest. One of his close friends was telling me how Andrew would go into detail about somewhere or something they’d driven passed…especially anything to do with history.
I had to drive round to his dads ( my ex husband) today as we had a solicitors appointment. Later on, as the sun decided to shine, we took the dogs ( Barry’s 2 and Ash, Andrew’s dog) for a walk around the fields near Barry’s home. It was so nice to spend time with Ash for a while and good to talk to Barry as he’s suffering too after losing our son.
I picked a lovely little bunch of wildflowers for Andrew . They’re beside his ashes…
My heart ached that he couldn’t be there with us but being able to talk and cry about him with Barry was good.
Just as I’m writing this a massive rainbow has appeared in the sky outside.
I hope it’s Andrew telling me he’s happy I saw Ash!
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Oh Sue it absolutely is Andrew telling you he’s with you.
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Our children can be so different but equally loved and loving.
My Katherine was the ‘keep it to yourself and get one with it’ one. But she had a wonderful gift for finding and buying the quirkiest but most appropriate presents for everyone.
Her brother and sister both are very communicative, and are able to talk about how they miss her, miss talking to her, they found her very perceptive and wise.
At least we all have wonderful memories.
Love to you all xxx Ann
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Thank you Ann…I really hope so 
xxxxxxx
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Dear Sue,
That is definitely a sign from Andrew 
I write down when I get signs and then it’s nice to look back at them all.
Love Michelle xxxx
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Katherine’s blackbird comes every day to the gate by the back door asking for his mealworms! Wasn’t sure at first, but I know she sends him, he’s so tame
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Yes Ann,
Thank goodness for all the lovely memories we have of the times spent with our children. I actually asked Barry today…is it better we had lots of happy times with Andrew recently which is partly why we miss him so very much or would it have been better that we never saw him and so didn’t miss him quite so much. Obviously we already knew the answer…we loved every minute spent with him , we were so lucky to have been able to spend quality time with him and we have so many precious memories of him. It wasn’t really a serious question…I was really just saying how even though we’re divorced and lead separate lives we had some beautiful days recently all together. In fact perhaps we were tempting fate as life was so perfect…until Andrew died 
Love Sue xxxxxxx
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Thank you Michelle,
I need to start writing things down too. We all need these little signs…it’s such a comfort.
Love Sue xxxxxx
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Oh…blackbirds are so beautiful. That’s lovely Ann.. I’m sure it’s Katherine sending you a message of love and song.
I have 3 bird clocks and have them set so the blackbird sings at different times as it should just sing at 8. I know…I’m just a little bit mad!
Love and hugs…Sue xxxxx
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Jim, you are the most amazing writer and capture so beautifully how we feel. You have a real gift for writing and expressing the grief, the heartbreak and madness of losing a child. xx
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