I know Ann. I remember after Andrew was born and I could hear a baby crying just down the corridor in the hospital. I knew it was him…it was…and I thought to myself why didn’t someone bring him to me he needed his mum. From that day on he always seemed to need me . Even as an adult he still needed me…
We were so close. Then why wasn’t I able to save him? He needed me more than ever that morning when I found him but I just couldn’t save him. Why couldn’t he have just over slept, why did he have to die in his sleep? It’s all so wrong.
Sue xxxxx
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Hi All, reading everyone’s posts and noticing the common links. The loss we have suffered never ends, it’s in everything we do, life will never be as it was, nothing will ever feel the same and we often do not feel the same towards others. We can cope in which ever way we can.
I saw this today and thought I would share it.
Love to all
Chris xx
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I hate dates too its the anniversary of sams funeral 25th wednesday . Its crazy a year has gone by .what a year cant remember when i came on .its shocking how many more have joined this club .loosing our babies is so horrendous theres no words .i feel so broken i feel ive lost the plot lbig hugs zoe x
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Lots of love and caring hugs Zoe.
I’ve actually thought how nice it would be to totally lose the plot…somehow forget everything. Then I think it wouldn’t be fair on my partner, my other son, my mother etc, etc…so I’ll just have another drink instead!
Our lost children would want us to carry on…so we will, somehow.
XXXXX
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Hi sue thank you for replying .i dont have any words today .just so full of tears xx zoe xx
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Those words are so true.
Thank you.
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Sue
I really do understand.
I too have 2 sons (I say have, because although Andrew died at the end of last year, he will forever be one of my very previous and much loved sons).
When I see my otber son, he rarely mentions Andrew, I think perhaps he doesn’t want to upset me and he is getting on with his life, in a way I can’t seem to do.
I have always been so proud of both my sons, they have meant the wold to me and being their Mum has and is the very best part of my life and I feel incredibly blessed to have them.
Perhaps, rather than feeling upset by your son not mentioning his brother, he is saying to you “Mum, you taught me to live and to cope and that is what I am trying to do now. I can’t compensate for the son you have lost, but I am a person too and I still need you as my Mum”.
Maybe this will help, at least I hope it does even just a little.
Beth x
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Beth, those are lovely thoughts, I hope they comfort you and Sue.
I agree with what you say, I am proud of my three children and tell them that, they are truly the best part of my life too.
I am so grateful that they came into the world to be MY children and nothing can ever take away our love.
to you and to all, Ann
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Hi all. Middle of the night again. If I had a pound, blah blah blah.
To loose a child. Never thought it would happen to me. Why would it.?
You meet someone, get married, settle down. Maybe not always in that order. Then one day you have children. That’s the way of the world for most people. You bring your children up. Teach them. Love them mould them. You become the most protective you can be. You would fight tigers for them. You teach them manners, respect, you pass on everything you know. You swear to yourself that you will give them everything you never had.
They eventually grow in to people in their on rite. They are an extension of you. Regardless of how old they become they are always your responsibility. You are so proud of them. You want everyone to know they are yours. You created this life. You are willing to share your entire soul with them. The end goal. You want for them to be happy. Fulfilled, you want them to go off in to the world and have adventures, to live a full rewarding life.
Then the unthinkable happens. You never planned for this. No one ever told you this . Your world is completely turned upside down. It’s the worst severe pain you will ever suffer. Everything you have ever understood about life has altered in a split second. You feel yourself crumbling from the inside and you are powerless to stop it. Almost like you are dying. Your head keeps sinking beneath the water and you are gulping for air. No one can help. You are on your own.
Then you have to live the rest of your life without them. How is that even possible. Everyday the crushing claustrophobia of trying to breath life into yourself when everything seems totally pointless. Your little piece of tranquility, your job lot in life. The bit you carved out for yourself has been destroyed. It’s been taken from you with no explanation. Everyday you have to try and exist when everything around you is normal apart from the bit you are in. Nothing is the same anymore. Everyone is going about their everyday business. You are just coming up with ideas as to why you should survive another day.
All you long for is to have your child back. Thier is nothing more precious than your child. All the wealth in the world wouldn’t change that.
The slow painful journey begins. Of you trying to gain some form of normality back into your life. It seems pointless. Every waking moment it’s seems pointless. But something pushed you on. In the beginning nothing holds any importance. Every morning you wake and that wave of emptiness washes over you. The feeling of complete and utter dread if you have to face anything that day. A doctor’s appointment or a work meeting or even family members calling on you to see how you are. When all you want is for the world to go away. But you do get up every morning. As long and as hard as the days are the one thing that is a dead cert. Time will march on. Living the rest of your life without that child you lost breaks you. You will never be the same person again.
I don’t claim to have any answers. There is no easy path. You have to get by in whatever means you can. I tell myself every day that my boy would be so proud of me, because I carry on. I carry on and try my hardest to live a life for both of us. Even if that means just getting through another day . Ok. Thanks for listening. Jim
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Hi Jim, The morning that Christian died I woke up at 4am with such a dreadful feeling and I could sense that something was terribly wrong with him even though he had been well and healthy when we had seen him a couple of days earlier and had spoken to him on the phone since, but this feeling of dread was so persistent I woke my husband up to go his flat to check on him I couldn’t go for I knew what we would find, half an hour later my husband phoned to say he had found him dead…that was over four years ago and every morning since I wake up with that same dreadful feeling it’s sill as intense as it was that terrible, terrible morning… Marina xxx
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Dear Jim you write so well, you explain everything we all feel. I remember in the weeks that followed losing Lisa, I was spending a lot of time with Jamie and Brooke. Jemma too as she was still on holiday. Luckily Jamie’s brother was still home from working off shore. We were all together, sharing this terrible tragedy we had been hit with. Our beautiful loving girl, a mother who adored her baby, who loved her partner so deeply, was gone. The emptiness was like an aura around each one of us. We were together there but cut off from each other as we struggled with the devastating loss.
Keeping Brooke happy was our main objective. Doing things she liked to do. It was when we could handle things better.
Then, back to the bottom. I felt like I had fallen down a well and was constantly trying to climb out, almost reaching the top then slipping back down again. The exhaustion of grief is like that. So physical it takes all our energy. Climbing up then falling again and again until one day we are over the top and can start to walk on with wobbly legs.
Gradually we become stronger but the memories of the early days are always there. We get clever at covering up our grief, we just live with it.
Hope you sleep tonight Jim.
Much love, Kate x
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Thank you for those kind words Beth, I know you’re right. Ewan has always been more independent than Andrew and I’ve always in the past been happy that he was living his life the way he wanted to. Both my sons have been close to me and I love them so much. Both so different…Ewan a whizz with computers and even at 40 loves his PS5 and computer games. Always looking for the best deal for broadband, electricity, insurance etc. Has never learnt to drive but loves cycling. Doesn’t know one end of a screwdriver from the other.
Andrew…gas and heating engineer. Doesn’t have a clue about computers, leaves all his online stuff to me. He fitted my bathroom for me and was always my “go to” person for anything that I needed done in house…yet he always needed me to sort out his problems.
So different but lovely, lovely men…both 6ft 2in so smothered me with their hugs.
I’m so proud of them both. I just miss Andrew so much…his birthday is July…his 39th.
Love and hugs to all Sue xxxxx
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Im sorry i feel so sad ive hit a brick wall
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Dear Jim
Your boy would be so proud of you 
Your words come from your heart and that very dark place we have all been to and some here are still in………… I think you could help a lot of people who are in our situation.
The only thing that kept me going after Gemma died was that when I meet her again I want her to be proud of me for living my life because someone took her life away before it had barely begun and she didn’t have a choice about any of this.
Best wishes
Liz 
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Im so down i cant pick my self up .this wicked life x zoex
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Good morning everyone I’m headed off to work I just noticed in the past couple weeks mornings are so hard for me before I go to work I shed a bucket of tears and then have to get myself together to go to work. Does anyone else experience this in the morning? As the day goes on it gets better but mornings are kicking my butt.
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Hi
Yes, I know exactly what you mean.
The distraction of work does give some purpose to the days that might otherwise seem wasted and futile. Work gives structure to the hours which otherwise, tend to be spent drifting in a seeming vortex. Work can be an escape even for a short time. Work often brings much needed but unobtrusive company.
Treasure every part of each day, even the difficult ones. Having lost a wonderful son, I know only too well, as do many others, that every moment is a precious gift and each day will never be offered again.
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Sue,
Perhaps there is something in the names we choose for our children?
My son was also Andrew and he was my “go to person”, never too busy to help anyone when they asked him. He questioned everything from being very young, and never settled until things were fully explained and understood. If it could not be explained, it was wrong. He admired Einstein and was able to quote and understand so many of his theories. He was wise beyond his years.
I miss him more than words can ever explain and it feels so wrong that his short life did not allow him to fulfill his dreams, plans and hopes.
We will never forget them, we owe it to them to make the best of what we have left.
Hugs x
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