Loss of our son aged 27

Hello everyone , so glad you are all coping with the weather, Racy glad you are feeling a bit better now , we all have roller coaster days , where we miss out siblings more than usual . Victoria , Thankyou so much for having John and me to stay for a couple of days and arranging to meet up with Purple . It was a magical afternoon sitting in the nursery talking about our beautiful children . Next day you both helped us to get through Dawns birthday , it was so amazing to have a little robin follow us in the nursery . Then in the evening , after having come back from our meal , the lights flashed on and off 3 times , how can you exsplaim something like that . I am so sure it was Gemma or Dawn letting us know , we were all together . With love Maddie xxx

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Let’s hope more of us can meet up soon , if any of yo would , just let me or Victoria know and wine will try and arrange something for the future Maddie xxx

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That would be so lovely xx

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Beautiful photo!!

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There’s something magical working here. The absolute tragedies we’ve faced yet there we are, smiling and glad to be together.

Would anyone ever believe looking at us, that every day we grieve yet every day we live.

We give each other strength :heart: I do hope we can meet again and others may wish to join us.

Sending love to you Maddie and Victoria and to our wonderful gifts of Dawn, Gemma and Henry :heart::heart::heart:

Purple x

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Such lovely words Pauline , yes we have to be grateful to Sue Ryder for this site … It was so lovely meeting you and we share this special bond that we now have . Our Children would be so pleased we have been bought together. Take care Dear Pauline , love Maddie xxxxx

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Dear Victoria Maddie and Purple,
Such a lovely picture of you all together :heart: your children were definitely happy and that’s why they sent you the signs, it warms my heart, you are so right it’s wonderful how we have all become friends and we must meet up, it was lovely when I met with Victoria whilst we were in Oxford for Matt’s inquest, it meant so much to me, we are all so grateful for Sue Ryder for bringing us together :heart: am so glad that Maddie you had the support to help you through Dawn’s birthday, sending much love to you all Michelle xxxx

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Another hot one Michelle. We did have rain last night though. Not sure what we will do today but probably a picnic somewhere .
Love to all friends.

Kate

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Omg you poor souls I know exactly how you feel I lost my youngest daughter Leah in Jan of breast and liver cancer she was 25 and left her little boy Theo who is 3 I’m really struggling some days I don’t want to wake up and I don’t know how to manage each day this is why I need to talk to people who are going through the same thing I feel very alone my partner Darren tries to understand but he only can do so much the only consulation I can share with you is that our poor angels are in no more pain I hope you will get back to me xx

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Hi everyone, I didn’t want to post anything as I feel really guilty . We had such a amazing 3 days away with a friend and then Daryl and Bill , who helped us so much to get through Dawns birthday . But since coming home I have felt so depressed ,Sarah has not really contacted us at all , I know her life is busy , but what would it take to ask us how we are . The thing John is now 84 years old , and we do try and keep our selves busy to take the pressure off her . But I simply think we are a hinderance to her . She has text today Bhutto only asking how we have coped in the last couple of days ,. But I am sitting here as I just needed a drink I know it does not help . But feeling so depressed after having a lovely few days away as I know Dawn would have been on the phone as soon as we were home . I just feel like I haven’t any family at all . So sorry to be so depressing Maddie xxx

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Oh bless you but I know how that feels I went away in June for a break n felt guilty as hell as I only lost Leah in Jan this year but you can’t help how you feel and you think you shudnt be having a good time it’s just an awful feeling I just sat crying all that weekend because I thought she’s passed and I shouldn’t be here it’s just so hard to explain the guilt you feel and I’m still trying to find a way not to feel that way as Leah wouldn’t want me to be feeling like this but it’s hard if you need a glass of wine get one if I was nr you I’d have one with you feel free to txt me anytime it helps me already that I’m not on my own. Take care luv XX

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Thankyou Shellyanne , never feel guilty going away . If I had not had my days or weeks away after losing Dawn I don’t know what state I would be in now . And I know Dawn or your loved one would want you to feel like your life is over .x. . Is . It’s just since our Daughter has passed , don’t feel like our family haven’t done anything to help us through losing our Daughter , maddie xxx

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Oh Shelly I’m so sorry for your loss I lost my son Theo, in October of 2021 yes same name as your grandson. Theo was 22 years old and was in a car accident. I found this site and I’m so glad that I did because there’s lots of understanding people on here that do not judge. I had delayed grief which means I didn’t start grieving until 4 months after Theo’s death. Each day gets a little easier the pain is still there but not like it was in the beginning. I have been sharing on this site and reading books on Grief also listening to grief counselors podcast, anything that gave me a better understanding about grief. It’s definitely a difficult road and as time goes on you have good days mixed in with the bad. I remember in the very beginning I would wake up everyday and think oh here we go again another day of pain how am I going to get through it it was like groundhog Day. As the days went on I’d wake up one morning and say oh today’s not as bad as the day before or oh I didn’t cry 10 times today only five. It’s those little things that tell you that you are moving forward. Don’t get me wrong I’m not there yet I still have my bad days but the the pain is a little less than before. It will take time but you will see those little rays of light. :heart:

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Thank you o much for getting back to me I’m so sorry for your loss it’s heartbreaking she had her graduation day tday they have honoured her name s
Sh would have become a nurse tday bless her the pain in my chest is so unbearable I just don’t know how to get through it some days I don’t want to wake up n the crying e ll I’m inconsolable but thank you for being there it men’s so much that there is lovely people going through the same XX

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Thank you for being so understanding it means alot one of my girls said I’ve got to move on with things but it’s so raw I feel ripped in two the pain is unbearable I’ve booked to go to Cornwall in sept with me and my partner Darren and our dogs but I feel the guilt creeping in already I just don’t know how to handle it any advice would be grateful n thank you everyone xx

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Hi Shelleyanne,
I’m so sorry for your loss of your lovely daughter. You must be so proud that she qualified to be a nurse. Life is so unfair.
My son was 38…he died on March 20th this year. He wasn’t ill he went to bed and just didn’t wake up. I found him in his bed that morning when I called round to pick him up. We went metal detecting every weekend together and although he had his own flat he was only 5minutes away and we were very close.
This coming weekend I’m going detecting again for the first time since that day. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to go again without him but I need to try. It’s a group dig…everyone there knew Andrew and they’ll all be there to support me. It’s something we enjoyed so much I’m hoping I’ll feel close to him once I’m out in the fields.
Although it is only 4 months I feel so much stronger. I still cry when I tell someone about him…and I’m guilty of telling everyone I meet. I just like to talk about him…it helps.
In june Andrew and his dog Ash were coming on holiday with me and my partner. We’d booked last year, a dog friendly holiday home on the north Norfolk coast. I couldn’t face going without him…we also cancelled a holiday we had booked for May.
But…in September we’re going to stay at some lakes in Suffolk with my 91 yr old mother, my 2 sisters and their husbands. I’m looking forward to getting away for a week. I think we always feel guilty about enjoying things without our missing children but we have to carry on. They wouldn’t want us to be unhappy for the rest of our lives. I’ll ALWAYS be sad inside for the life Andrew has missed but if I’d gone first I would have hated him to mourn me for all his life.
Today I emptied his greenhouse of flymo, strimmer etc. I picked up some propagaters that I remember going to buy with him 11 years ago when he first moved in. I had a good cry …there are always things that make me sad but I was lucky I had so many happy times with him.
Racy…if you read this I remembered how you said you didn’t grieve for Theo for 4 months and then it hit you! I’ve been worried that already after only 4 months I’m coping so much better. I’m frightened that I’m coping too well and it’s all going to go back to the beginning for me. Of course it could be down to the Sertraline. I’m glad you’re having some good days too.
Keep talking to us all Shellyanne…everyone on here is so friendly and caring. I hope it helps you cope just a little bit better with losing Leah. We all understand how you’re feeling.
Love and hugs Sue xxxx

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Hi Sue yes I was coping well I was going to work still going out doing things. 3 weeks after Theo’s death I was out getting a Halloween costume for our office party like nothing had happened. Christmas came around and I was outside decorating the house I was in deep denial until I was triggered by my brother having a heart attack he’s fine but that’s what triggered my grief. You might be dealing with it better because you are on Sertraline and that is helping you. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you will start grieving later. Everyone is different I have always been a person that didn’t let my feelings out right after any bad incident.

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I’m crying now reading this it’s lovely I finally found the courage to write down how I feel and that you lovely people are going through the same thing I can’t thank you enough and il keep coming on here to see how everyone is feeling and coping. Take care everyone XX Michelle

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Good for you Michelle get it out it’s good for you that’s what I have gotten also from posting on this site it’s helped me to be more open with my feelings. :heart:

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I wish I’d done this sooner but I’ve thrown myself into work n tried to keep busy all the time and my doctor thinks this is where I’ve gone wrong but I’m so glad I’ve done it now so thank you again it means so much xx

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