Hi Deborah
I haven’t been on this site for a while but for some reason I went on tonight and saw your post.
I have also struggled, I had to leave work early today as I couldn’t stop crying. Can’t believe the time that has gone by since we lost our precious children.
I would also struggle with doing something on Scott’s birthday, I only ever go to where his ashes are and lay a card next to a tree there and toast him, I go with his friends. However you don’t want to hurt your other daughter so it’s difficult.
Please go the beach, the sea can be so calming, I wish I could escape to it sometimes. I did manage to get away to Malta but everything is tainted with my boys loss.
My life also feels ruined and I often feel like I don’t want to be here anymore but my son Euan needs me.
Please try to do things that give you some distraction from your pain. I constantly distract myself from my thoughts as they are just too difficult.
Sending love
Anne
Hi Anne
It’s lovely to hear from you and so weird that you went on the site tonight just as I was reaching out. We started this awful journey at the same time and I think of you often and wonder how you are doing. I’m sorry to hear that you are struggling but I know the feeling, it is all still so raw and heartbreaking. I will try to go to the beach at the weekend. I too am needed by my other daughter, my son and my grandchildren but I do feel that I am not on this Earth for myself but for other people.
Love and hugs to you
Deborah
Dear Deborah and Anne,
It’s so lovely to hear from you both 
it’s a worry when we don’t here from someone for a while am so sorry you are both struggling but so glad you have posted. I completely understand how you feel about your lives being ruined, we are all on this journey of waking up thinking here we go again another pointless day, it would be nice to just sleep forever with our precious children 
but as you both say how could we possibly leave our other children, so we carry on putting on the brave face day in day out. Our children send us signs to let us know they are with us and I truly believe they brought you both together amazing! please keep posting and encouraging each other as that is what Scott and Jemma want. Lovely to have you both back much love Michelle xxxx
To all the bereaved parents on this site: I am feeling like you are and the pain is enormous. Yet we have to keep going for the sake of our other children and grandchildren. How can anyone else possibly understand? This grief is overwhelming and we carry it with us all the time. We are not supposed to outlive our children, it’s the wrong way round.
Maybe the grief will subside from time to time. For me, it’s particularly acute at the moment as it’s the anniversary of my son’s wedding. He was so happy, so full of life. My lovely daughter-in-law is trying to be strong, as we all are. My heart aches for her, too.
Hi Michelle
Thank you for your lovely encouraging words. I wonder if Scott and Kathryn have met, I don’t know how it works, maybe through mine and Anne’s connection. I do hope so. What I do know is that in those very early dark days the lovely people on here kept me and Anne going. I dread to think where I might be now without you all. I’ve started to look forward to the christening even though it will still be a sad day for me. The vicar is going to say a few words about Kathryn during the service as he knows that it is her birthday. I don’t know if that will give me some comfort or make me break down completely I will try to hold it all together.
Lots of love
Deborah
Bless all of you sending you my love shellyanne XX 
I hope the christening goes well on Sunday for Deborah and family.
I know it will be Kathryn’s birthday, an incredibly sad day for you Deborah, as I know too well. (It was my son’s birthday two weeks ago and we shed many tears at his graveside.) But it will be a special day for your granddaughter and I hope you can take some comfort in new life, new beginnings. I do hope the vicar is sensitive and finds the right words to say, so that you can honour Kathryn’s memory at the same time. I expect it will be a day of mixed feelings for your daughter, as she will be remembering her sister too. These milestones (birthdays, anniversaries, etc) are so hard. We have to get through them one step at a time. I wish you courage and send you love.
Dear Deborah, I will be thinking of you especially on Sunday as I can imagine it will be a bittersweet day. These special occasions can never be the same for us but what is the alternative? We really have little choice, but go along with Katherine safely tucked in your heart and I hope the day brings you peace and some happiness 
Dear Debororah, will be thinking of you on Sunday for your lo lovely Grandaughters christening. It will be a difficult day for you , but try and enjoy the moment , as you know Kathryn will be by your side . Sending hugs Maddie xxxx
Thanks Maddie xxx
Thank you Susan and Victoria xxx
Dear Deborah…A day of love and sadness combined together, but I am sure the love of Kathryn for her family will be there to get you through…Be strong…Marina xxx
Hi Deborah,
Ihope Sunday goes OK, but it will be bittersweet a special occasion there isn’t much choice like Victoria says. Kathryn will always be in your heart: -
Love Helen
Beautiful words Helen , I am sure we can all respond to that . Love Maddie xx
What a beautiful poem Helen, thank you for sharing it.
Xx
Dear friends, one and all. We have had a lovely busy weekend in out village with the first Highland games since 2019. Followed by a family fun day on Sunday. The sun was hot, the children had an absolute ball but sought refuge from the heat in the coolness of the dome for face painting.
This is our Brooke, note the design matches the colours in her dress! She is our shining light, no doubt about it.xx
Oh Kate she looks adorable , she looks a content little girl . . Credit to you and your family . , to help her to grow up , with such a loving family . With love Maddie xxx
Dear Deborah,
Am so glad you are looking forward to the christening, it will be a special day it’s lovely that the Vicar will include Kathryn in the service, as she is always part of the family and it keeps her memory current, don’t worry if you break down that’s normal and everyone will understand, so glad you are posting again hope Ann comes on again and yes Scoitt and Katheryn along with all our children are always with us and most definitely, sSending you so much love and hugs xxxcc
Dear Kate,
Absolutely beautiful, love this photo of Brooke fabulous face painting xxx
Much love Michelle xxxx
Dear Deborah,
I hope you find comfort in your vicar talking about Kathryn and its not too difficult. I would be very emotional I have to say even though I’m not religious in the least I have to believe our children are still with us in some way.
I hope they have met and are glad we have had each other’s support. The early days are so painful and although that never goes away that raw, painful dread of each day, each moment subsides enough for us to make it through the days with the occasional laugh or smile. Distraction has been my best friend through this, its the quiet moments that are still unbearable.
I’m so grateful to all the wonderful mums and dad’s who have supported me in the last year and a half, it still shocks me to the core that my boy has gone.
Anne x