Hi Helen happy birthday to your beautiful boy sam .celerbrate his life tonight .
Sending so much love and a big cuddle to you
Love zoe 
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I just wanted to share these photos with you all. I was driving home from Andrew’s nannys and we had been talking about how beautiful the sky had been lately.
I looked up and just had to stop the car the take a photo…as I was driving down my road. When I looked at the photos on my phone I couldn’t believe that face that was looking down on me.
I truly believe Andrew was letting me know he’s here with me…as all our lost children are.
I haven’t posted much recently as I’ve been feeling so much better, I feel so sad for everyone who is finding it hard to get through each day. I honestly didn’t imagine I could ever feel happy again but these days I really do. It doesn’t take much to reduce me to tears but I feel such a peace and calmness most of the time.
I think if we ever wanted proof that our loved ones are looking down on us then these photos are it!!
Lots of love and hugs to you all…I may not post but I still read your posts and feel for you all. XXX
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Thinking of you today Helen and your family, on Sams special birthday . Sending love Maddie xx
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I have always loved looking at the skies. I imagine that I can almost see heaven sometimes!
Gemma also loved clouds and I had bought her a book about them. When I went to see a psychic healer, she talked about clouds and said she could see lots of them around Gemma. So comforting.
Helen, I will be thinking of you and Sam especially this evening. Much love to you xxx
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Dear Helen…Will be thinking of you tonight, there will be many tears but there will be smiles also in remembering the good and happy times… With love Marina xxx
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Hi maddie
Thank you for thinking of me you lovely lady ,im ok finding life hard .im making out im ok like we all do .but nightimes im crushed just want my boy .i know we all want our children .i do believe his around i just want more . I know we all feel the same big hugs maddie lovely that you care much love zoe x
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Happy Heavenly Birthday to your darling Sam, I hope you have had a lovely evening, I know its probably been hard but take comfort in the fact that your lovely Son touched the lives of so many and they will never forget him
Much love to you Helen
Michelle xxxx
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Hello everyone, haven’t been on here for a while. 1 year ago today I had the most devastating news a parent could receive .my only son 36 died of an undiagnosed brain tumour while he was in Paris with his girlfriend. The first few months was just a blur and I still cry every day. His death has left a massive void not only in my life but his friends as well. I know I’ll never find true happiness again, but I’ve learned to live the best I can and take every day as it comes. Wishing everyone on here a loving and peaceful life.
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Hi peter
How a year has passed .so sorry for the loss of your beautiful son .we know dont we life has changed for ever. We try to live this new way . I hope you have peace .sending you a big hug peter take care of yourself love zoe xx
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Thank you all it was a very difficult night for me but unknown to me Jason had also invited all the boys, I thought it was just the usual 6 that would come but no they all turned up, there were 11 of them plus our usual 6 and then John and I. Emma gave me a small present and said please open it when you are home. It was a beautiful silver disc with a landscape scene and around the edge was written when someone becomes a memory a memory becomes a treasure.
How lovely of her and although the tears were near the surface and at times spilled over I am sure Sam was there
Love Helen
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Dear Helen, how lovely that you all came together to remember your Sam and shows how much he was loved. I am sure he would have been with you. Much love to you xxx
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Hi Helen, such a lovely evening even though it was very emotional it must have made you feel so proud and what wonderful friends Sam had that is true friendship which sadly some people never experience.,I imagine you are feeling worn out shattered today just take it easy. Thinking of you Marina xxx
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Hi peter, it’s lovely to see you back…It’s true what you say that life can never be the same again, we have just got to learn to live it the best as we can
Thinking of you…Love and kisses Marina ,
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Hi all. Ok here’s a hypothetical question.
All of us on this site have lost children. If you could have your memory wiped clean so that your new thought process would be, what you’ve never had you can’t miss, there for leaving the way to have the rest of your life pain free and happy from all other aspects.?
Or would you prefer you do remember your lost child and have to spend the rest of your life carrying this unbearable burden of pain, loss and grief.
In all seriousness for me, there’s never a day goes by I don’t think about my boy. And Even after all this time I still get nightmares when I’m in a deep sleep and I wake up upset.
To have my memories wiped clean would feel so disrespectful. But then carrying this pain wasn’t something I signed up for.
I genuinely couldn’t answer this question.
Hi Jim.
I think this is a very difficult dilemma.
When we had a daughter and found that she struggled with certain aspects of her life such as parties etc we decided we can’t have more children because we would not cope as parents. I often wonder if we had what would our life have been like. As our daughter really struggled with her anxieties from age 12 I often thought why did we have a child especially when both sides of our family have mental health issues. But there were many many beautiful days and moments with Jessie that you would not want to miss for anything, she made us a family. I would not change the path we chose to have a child but I just wish she wasn’t as tortured with the Autism and physical issues she had, and even more upsetting is the way she has been treated by some care staff and hospitals over the years leaving her feeling even worse about herself and causing PTSD from abuse and neglect .
The beautiful loving child she was I would not change, and well I guess the severe pain we are now suffering I have to deal with and live with for life, but for our situation the NHS failed her, and she should be alive with us today and I know Jessie would still want to be with us if she could as she loved us so much. I don’t know if I have said that in the right way but I would swap my life for hers if I could and take away her pain and take even more pain if we could get her back and get her the right support that she needed which is available but would be expensive . Xxx
Hi Andy . I think regardless of your daughters condition the way you express yourself it’s quite obvious that the good outweighs the bad. You weren’t to know that she would be born with autism. That’s not a fault on your part. You did everything possible to make sure she had the best life you could give her. It won’t stop you beating yourself up over her loss but hopefully that may fade in time.
Living without them is the struggle we all have to live with. Wether we want to or not.
Take care my friend
Jim
Dear Jim, I have thought about this before. My Gemma took her own life and life was so hard for her, the last few years. She hid most of it from us and also from her friends which was an intolerable burden for her. We know this as she left a very detailed latter for us.
I would have my darling girl back in a heartbeat and now I know how much she struggled, I could help her more.
I know people must wonder how we didn’t know but she hid it so well. I will live the rest of my life full of guilt but it is hard when your children have their own homes and put on a smile and happy face when you see them
‘hi mum I’ll make us a cup of tea’. She would sit and chat with me and not tell me what was going on in her life. Even her closest friend did not know.
I would gladly trade my life for hers and would happily have taken on her pain so she didn’t have to suffer it xxx
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This is not a question I have to ponder over at all, even suffering all the heartache, the pain, the sadness, the tears it’s the memories of when Christian was with us, the happiness and the love and joy he brought to us, I may have lost Christian, but I will never lose him in memory for without them I would not want to go on living.
Love to you Jim and everyone…Marina xxx
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I am in the same position I lost my lovely boy (32 years) 3 months ago. He had metastatic liver cancer and also died in terrible pain. How do we go on in a world that lets young people dying of cancer suffer so? My son was Sam.
Hello Mouser,
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about Sam and how you are feeling, that is so natural. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I would like to give you some information on the services we can offer you:
-
Our Online Bereavement Support, which includes our free online bereavement counselling which is held via video chat, our Grief Guide which has interactive tools to help you cope with grief, and Grief Coach, where you can receive personalised support via text.
Alternatively, you may find help and support from:
The Compassionate Friends - for families who have lost a child of any age. 0345 123 2304 https://www.tcf.org.uk/
Maggie’s Centres also offer bereavement support groups (cancer-focused). Find a centre: https://www.maggiescentres.org/our-centres/
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Alex