So nice to go away .dorset my favourite place .glad your with people you love nice to have a drink im sure sam is there right with you. Saying enjoy mum …enjoy Helen thinking of you 
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Thinking of you, Helen, John and Geraint. Anniversaries are so hard but glad you are coping. Much love to you xx
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I am posting for our darling Maddie, it will be 6 years tomorrow that her and John lost their precious Dawn. She is so brave and so loving and kind to everyone and she has been so strong … only she is not feeling so strong today. I know you will all think of her tomorrow as she gets through such a difficult day. And if you read this, Maddie, I am sending you huge hugs and loads of love xxx
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Hi maddie im thinking of you lovely lady always kind to everyone. Im sure Dawn is with you always sending you much love and big hugs love zoe
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Hi victoria you are a a kind and loving person too .how your thinking of others sending you love
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Sending love to Maddie today. Will be thinking of you.
Kate x
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Hi Maddie
I am thinking of you today, please stay strong, Dawn will expect you to.
Love Helen
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Hi Maddie…My thoughts will be with you today…Take care Marina xxx
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How is everyone? I was thinking about how we all cope with Christmas approaching. I realise that it is different for all of us. The thing that is common to all of us though is that we all have to navigate this season with so much pain.
Gemma loved Christmas but I have found that the build up is worse than the actual day. I decided the first Christmas that I needed to go out on the day itself, so we took our grandson, Gemma’s son, out for Christmas lunch and another grandson also came as his mum was working. It was the best decision we made as there were other people around, the chef knew our situation as we all knew him, the boys enjoyed being together and they have always remembered it. Coren was invited to a part later so I dropped him off and picked him up later and that gave me a focus.
I still avoid carol concerts, Christmas parties and all the jingle bells, but I manage and breathe a sigh of relief on Boxing Day. I hope you all have your coping strategies xxx
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Hi victoria .i find this time of year emotional anyway. Always spent with mum and dad who have now past…
This is the second Christmas without my beautiful sam .i cant believe it .sam loved xmas .last year we went out to dinner with my daughter .i really feel it helped to do something different. We are going out for lunch again this year…when it snowed last night everywhere looked magical .i walked the dog and thought …oh sam hope you know its snowing . It dont feel any easier .i miss sam more now than ever .its the hardest thing to get out of bed every day .just want a sam hug . I hope we can try be strong and get through best we can . …thank you as always would be lost without you all much love zoe
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I know exactly what you mean. I am so enjoying the build up for Brooke but the heartache is still there.
On Sunday I was taking Brooke skating but beforehand we went to the forest Xmas tree plantation to choose trees for Jemma and our house. I used to go with Lisa and have been to the same place for many years. It hurts but the staff have watched Brooke grow each year and they are so lovely to us.
So …after this went to Hobby Craft to look for an item I need.
So Brooke said ’ Granny my Mummy used to work here’ I said ’ yes my love, she did’ so the next answer knocked me off my balance. She said ‘Granny why is Mummy not working in the shop anymore?’ Omg, I was just numb. I took a couple of breaths and said that Mummy is in Heaven darling, watching over us all the time. Well the wee darling said ‘ok’ then turned to look at something that really was of no interest to her. Bless the her wee heart. Her eyes were wet and she came to hug me. I just held her in my arms and kissed her and said OK now we have to go to the ice rink as we don’t want to be late.
Moment over. All OK for her but sadly not for me.
This bloody grief is just horrible!
Sorry to swear and rant but it is!
Love to you all dear friends.
Kate xxx
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Oh kate its so hard …thats made me cry …thank god Brooke has a lovely family to help her through…my grandchildren talk about sam all the time… we was at the xmas fair and Evie said i need two teddys one for sam . There innocence is heartbreaking
Pull him out of heaven nanny …my teddy is six he said why cant we visit to see what its like up there . Sam must be lonely …it goes on . .this new ljfe without our beautiful babys xxx
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Hi all
This time of year truly is heart breaking. My 6 year old grandson pretends he knew his uncle Coco, Conor. He asks why we can’t take a plane up to heaven to see his uncle. There r no answers to these totally innocent and heart breaking questions. It is so hard for us to deal with never mind the children who ask questions that have no answers. This is truly the worst club to be a member of. The bereaved parents club. I am so thankful for this site, to know I am not alone in dealing with this. I am so sorry that we share this experience but thankful to all of u who share ur stories. It truly gives me reassurance that I am not alone. Thanks to u all.
Love and hugs
Pauline x
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Thankyou darling Zoe. Thank goodness we all have each other.
Much love, Kate xx
I have had similar questions from Charlie. I drove him home to Marlow on Sunday and he wanted to play Christmas songs all the way home. It was snowing and so beautiful … like driving through a Christmas card and I felt as though my heart was going to break when he asked ‘what was mummy’s favourite Christmas song?’ It was Fairytale in New York. He nodded and said ‘I thought it was because I like it too and think I can remember mummy singing to it’. We have agreed that we will both learn the words by the 20th December and sing it together 
.
Sending love to you all
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Hi Jim
I watched the shack movie and found it very moving. I couldn’t really connect with the faith side of it. Found it very good at accepting all our loved ones r still here with us. I keep my son very much in the present with me. Lots of pictures around the house, I talk to him constantly. I ask his advice on things and wear a ring with his ashes in on my thumb so he is always with me. Thank u for telling me about the movie. It made me feel normal to keep my son present. As most people think I would find pics and talking to him as if he were still here as weird or I have gone a little crazy.
Love and hugs
Pauline x
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Hi Pauline dont ever think your wierd we do what we can .we all have our different coping mechanisms. I talk to sam i sit in his bedroom and put on his trainers . Spray his aftershave . I just have to believe his around . Take care x
Victoria how sweet your learning the song with your grandson what would we do without them
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Hi Pauline, not weird at all. I have Lisa’s photo on my homescreen and another on lockscreen on my phone. She’s always with me. I too talk to her, tell her about Brooke. When she masters something new, like on Sunday skating, I say Lisa darling are you watching her? How proud we are of your little one.
With love to you.
Kate xxx
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Hi All
Thanks for not thinking I am crazy talking to my son. Most people I meet like neighbours etc act like he didn’t exist and quickly leave if I mention him. I am not a crying mess but it is so hurtful that they don’t acknowledge he existed. It is so hard being without him. I really appreciate this group. It is so helpful to know i am not alone in these feelings. Thank u all so much for the support. Keep safe everyone in this awful weather.
Love and hugs
Pauline x
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Pauline thats how i feel. No one talks about sam or changes subject . I feel angry how children existed and i will keep his memory alive for always. Such a terrible thing we have to endure xxx
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