Thing is, we do go on and live our lives and on the outside we are ‘alright’ , but inside we’ve been torn to shreds and every day we try to knit together those torn bits of us. Sometimes we manage a full seam, others just a couple of stitches but somehow we do get a bit better at the fixing up.
This is my fixer upper. Yesterday at our wee Deli.xx
Sendind love as always.
Kate.x
What a lovely way of putting that, Kate. And what a lovely picture of your granddaughter. I am so very very sad not to have grandchildren. Joey would have made a great dad. He hadn’t ruled out the possibility so after his orchiectomy and before the first chemo he had his sperm frozen. But it was not to be.
Hi All, it’s heartbreaking to read your posts and feel the sorrow and sadness of watching our children suffer, not able to relieve their pain and anguish. 7 years ago, rare melanoma claimed the life of my beautiful, loving, intelligent, hardworking, talented daughter, mother of my then 4 year old Granddaughter and I watched helplessly. She never complained just bravely continued her fight with hope and dignity. Still ripped apart and empty. I will never be at peace until we meet again. But I will continue to carry on, this is what she would want, supporting her daughter.
We can always rely on everyone here to fully understand and appreciate the way we have to exist.
Love to all
Chris xx
Dearest friend, one of the most both heartwarming and at the same time heartbreaking memories i have of the last hour of our Lisa’s life was when, before the scheduled Doctors meeting on that terrible morning, Brooke was sitting on Lisa’s bed and her Mummy was constantly playing with the curls at the back of her baby’s head. It was like she couldn’t stop feeling her hair in her fingers. I am well sure Lisa knew days before we dud that her life would be ended that morning. She certainly did 2 days before when she asked me if i would be ok.
Its so hard for us at times and then other times i stop and think, how the hell am i able to enjoy life without my 2nd born beautiful daughter. I do though and i am and i will for all our sakes.
Atm Brooke is so excited about our holiday to Tenerife in April. Jemma has bought her loads of holiday clothes and instead of a bedtime story last night ( brooke had a sleepover) i went through the hour by hour itinerary of our departure for the holiday. Her little face was bright with excitement and she said she would dream about it.
Such things give me life, not as we knew it, but life as it is now.
Much love, Kate
I believe there has to be something more to many things have happened .sam passed on my mums birthday did she help him.
Went to see a spiritualist and she said to much she couldnt know .she talked about my dad how he loved pie mash . How i had a visit from him . And how we laughed when he was in funeral parlour because i had given socks with a hole in.
My mum was cross coz no cream cakes in her casket .she loved cream cakes.
She said they was holding a tiny baby .jess lost our beautiful Elsie at 23 weeks …
She told me someone had got ill very quickly and went to soon.she told me he wasnt in pain .and my mum had helped him pass .he was himself he loved music .he had music what made it so real was she said he has friends his not alone he had a dog with him she said hes calling him benny boy well i started to cry that was our dog he had passed the year before. She told me sam loved how i had done up the front room. She told me he hated the bed and he died in the chair . He went in the hospice to crontrol his pain and he like his time there .he loved the way i kissed his teddy every night .she said so much it was impossible to know these things .he new i sat every day in the funeral parlour with him for two weeks and they looked after him well .they let me in when it was shut on a saturday . He loved the doves at his funeral . No pain now and do i smell his aftershave i could go on it was crazy …she couldnt possibly know these things xxxx big hugs zoe xxx
Dear Zoe, so comforting for you and I hope you felt comforted… I went to see a psychic healer last year and she was very accurate too. As soon as I went in the room, she said to me ‘you have lost a child haven’t you’. I had even given her a false name as I did not want her to know anything about me. She told me so much about what happened to Gemma that made perfect sense xxx
Yes its crazy .i was on a break didnt say my surname ir anything . Yes its mad how we hang on to everything . .but now i think are they waiting for us thinking why dont we go again .just need to know there safe . I feel i never grieved my mum then lost sam .life is cruel .i want the real thing want to throw my arms round sam .now we cant . They say its always the good people. To good for this world x
Hi Joeysmum, I know the sadness of not having grandchildren, I have two sons Darren the eldest who is married and Christian who died very suddenly five years ago. Darren and Penny his wife have no wish to have children and having been married now for twelve years I can’t see it happening… Christian was different, though not married he loved children he was great with them and would have been a wonderful Dad…
Hope you soon feel better…Marina x
Hi Victoria…I would love to go and see a psychic healer but ashamed to say I don’t have the courage to go and see one. xx
Me neither!
Annemarie
Dear Kate,
Brooke is such a lovely little girl, it melts my heart to hear the things she says, i can imagine her little face when you were telling her all about the holiday, you are all going to have the best time and Lisa will be with you every step of the way 
Love Michelle xxxx
Dear all.
I have been reading all your posts, its such an awful journey we are all on, but it really does help to come on this site and read about what others are experiencing even though it does break my heart it helps to know we are not alone
Michelle xxxx
Michelle, i am sure too that Lisa will be with us. Jemma and I will both be emotional on that journey as the last time Brooke was on a plane her Mummy had got so ill. It must have been frightening for her. When she was little she used to tell me that Mummy was crying a lot coming home. Bless her besutiful little heart!
Love to you dear friend.
Kate xx
Hello everyone , hope you have been enjoying the lovely sunshine , . It was making us feel a little bit better , Ben out and about and started to do do a bit of decorating , trying to to to do a bit of normal . But just text Sarah , and she is feeling at her worse , she still has 3 more chemos sessions , and the 3 weeks of radiation . My heart is aching for her , I feel so guilty trying to do carry on when she is suffering so much , and we can’t even see her . . Maddie xxx
Hi Maddie I’m glad you have been feeling brighter … the sunshine does cheer us up.
Sarah has been doing so well but she is bound to have some bad days. Hopefully they won’t last long and before you know it, her treatment will be over.
It is hard for you but you are doing amazingly well and I am so proud of you 
Thankyou Victoria , just so worried about her , still cant believe it’s happening to her . It’s so hard to take it in . Love Maddie xx
You may have read this before but I think the words are so comforting FEATHERS
I sent you a little white feather
I placed it right there in your way
I wrapped it in love with a message
to let you know you’ll be okay
I drew you a colourful rainbow
It followed your car for a while
I made a spectacular rainbow
I hoped it would show me your smile
I flew down a beautiful robin
It landed right there on your ledge
I prayed he would give you the strength
to push yourself back from the edge
I try every day to remind you
that I never did go away
the feathers, the rainbows, the robins
are my way of trying to stay.
Donna Ashworth
#art #poetry #grief #lossbydonnaashworth #whitefeather
Dearest Maddie you have nothing to feel guilty about. We do what we need to do to keep going. Its a natural instinct, self preservation. So sorry that Sarah is feeling so bad. Bless her.
Sending love.
Kate
Dear Maddie
I haven’t been here for a while…I’m so sorry to read that Sarah is feeling so unwell with her treatment. It is brutal - but once completed it’s amazing how quickly recovery can happen.
My thoughts are with you and John at this time. You’ve so many people willing things better and I hope that gives you some comfort.
You’re never alone with all the friends and love from them.
Big hugs and love to you all.
Purple x
Dear friends. Its been a while since i had a bit of a meltdown but yesterday my husband started talking about when we went back in to Lisas hospital room after she had passed and been disconnected from all the machinery. He couldn’t look at her and fled the room whilst I kissed her eyelids and lifted her upper body into my arms, stroked her hair and took in her scent. He said he wanted to apologise to me for running out. The first time he had been able to talk about this. Bless his heart. Needless to say the tears flowed and flowed.
It never really leaves us this pain.
With love to all Kate xx
