Dear Jim, so lovely to hear from you … I have missed your wise words. Like you, I sit up in the small hours when the world is quiet, just to be in my own with my thoughts. In the early days I would be in tears but not nearly so much now … I feel much more at peace somehow. Like you, I wonder what Gemma would be doing now … how she would be loving seeing her boys grow up … would she feel a little sad as we do at seeing Elvis ageing … would she still be in the same job?
I guess we are growing older but they don’t. They are forever young as the song says. I am grateful now that I can sit with these thoughts and not end up in floods of tears … just peaceful xx
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Hello everyone , I feel your pain is my pain . We have all been through so much together . We carry on the best we can . Life is so hard . Sarah did well with her 1st 3 month check . But I must admit my heart is still breakinking for . She has changed her lifestyle . , eating only the best and trying not to mix with too many people as Chemo has left her immune system low she had her first real trip out Saturday to mix with friends , and now has Shingles . . Why does she have to suffer so much . It’s so unfair . Lots of love Maddie xx
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Oh my goodness! What a shame.
I can completely understand how you feel as Lisa had been really well until she was put on immune supressant drugs. My poor daughter was picking up ever virus out there. She would not have survived Covid, i know, without doubt and i suppose we have to be thankful we didnt have to see her through that.
What we all feel now, is that huge void within us. We can be happy but never the real joy we felt before we lost our child. I know i have some lovely times with friends and family but always feel that emptiness we all feel.
Love to you all dear friends.
Kate xx
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Thankyou Kate , yes are so many virus out .thereb. Sarah oncologist has advised her to have Covid and flu jab . Her imune sistrum will be down for about a year after chemo . . . So hard Kate , what our poor girls have and are going through . I must admit , I cannot rest anymore , when I see or read of someone dying with the dreaded cancer my hearty sinks . I feel like after losing Dawn why are we going through this awful thing with Sarah . She doesn’t deserve it , none of our darling children deserved it xx
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My dear friend. I know exactly how you feel. When i was young i only knew one classmate who had lost her Daddy. We, as a class, were completely shocked and frightened by it. Now it seems so many Mums and Dads have life threatening illness. I have to say that it must be to do with pollution! Why else would all our young people become ill when we are all so robust!
Love to you my love.
Kate xx
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Yes Kate , we are beginning to believe , it’s something to do with our way of life . So many friends we know are suffering with something . Cancer now 1 in 2! It’s unbelievable . Is it something we eat , stress of life. How are we ever going to find out . ? We have lost our darling children , let’s hope of grandchildren don’t have to suffer . Sorry to be so depressing . But that’s what it has come to . Take care Maddie xx
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I know Maddie. So worrying for our grandchildren.
Much love.
Kate xx
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Hi Lisa, Maddie, Jim and Victoria,
I don’t go on here as much but I do know I feel exactly as you all and miss my Sam so much and each day I talk to him and tell him all what has happened. At the present we have the worry of John my husband’s son Wayne who is 38 and an alcoholic he went on holiday with his little boy and Johns ex wife their other son Lee and his daughter Ellie, convoluted I know! Wayne has been told by a doctor that if he doesn’t stop drinking he will die, yet even after being told that he will not stop, and spent all of Thursday and Friday day and night drinking swearing and god knows what. He also will not wash at all and actually stinks and the stench is dreadful, he had obviously been drinking all night before they had to get on the plane and didn’t change his clothes and stunk the plane out apparently Lee then rang John from Portugal about it all he had to vent at someone as apparently he had gone toe to toe with him. All I could think was what on earth is he still doing here and that Sam is not, cruel I know but I couldnt help it when I saw how sad and heartbroken John was my anger at Wayne was at boiling point inside, sorry to moan to you all but I can’t talk to anyone and I dont want to make things worse for John by talking about it. I have told him though he has to stop employing Wayne and paying him even when he does not turn up for work so that he hopefully will learn, although I do really doubt it.
Love to you all
Helen
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Dear all, Chris so lovely to hear from you and I am sorry you are having such a hard time with your step son. Being addicted to alcohol is a terrible illness. He must know that he is destroying his life but is not able to stop himself. I hope he gets some help. But you must be worried for John too so I do understand. After losing our children we just want a peaceful life. We all try to do our best and I guess that’s all we can do. Much love xx
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Dear Helen, what a nightmare for you all. So sad that Johns son is making such a mess of his life. Sadly, i am sure he will die from his addiction leaving his family feeling they could have done more! Just like we all feel but his demise will be of his own doing not like our beautiful children who left us far too early.
Sending love to you Helen and John and hope John finds a way forward with Wayne before its too late.
Much love, Kate xxx
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Thank you both, yes it is a nightmare, and is gradually getting worse, so I just hope we can get through this.
Love Helen
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I really hope you do, my son was 28 when he died from an overdose. I tried doing everything I could to help him but is it ever enough? I ask myself all the time could i have done more?
Thinking of you xx
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My son too died of a drugs overdose……I tried so hard. Why I ask myself every day why did you do that, got the inquest in October xx
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@MJG me too, he smoked weed but hadnt done hard drugs for such a long time. Why? Unfortunately we’ll never know the answer. I know he didnt mean to do it but once I got the toxicology report, I understood he didn’t stand a chance, he didn’t want to die, he used to tell me he was scared of dying xx
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I too ask myself every day could/should I have done more? I’d tell anyone in the self same situation, and mean it, that nobody’s to blame. Yet I still can’t believe it when it comes to me that I’m not to blame. Guilt seems to be wired in to our reactions when we lose our our child. I try and remind myself that feeling guilty doesn’t mean I am really guilty. Sometimes grief is so overwhelming that it kind of lies to us. Feels like it’s such an overwhelming tragedy that someone must be to blame. My calm, sensible part says it’s just a feeling, not a truth. Not much help when im ruminating for an answer and ‘it must be my fault’ keeps coming into my mind. Sometimes it ‘feels’ like if I stop blaming myself I am letting my girl go, on an emotional level. In a way it’s like I think I deserve to suffer cos she died and im her mum. On my better days (it’s 18 months since she died) and I do have themnow, which a year ago would have seemed impossible. On those days I do see that it’s true no one is to blame and there are no perfect parents. Seems to me everyone who comes on here definitely loved their lost children, or they wouldn’t be yearning and searching for answers. No one’s to blame. It’s a unendurable tragedy, but we can endure, slowly, slowly. Xxxxx
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I feel the same. What is the point in life anymore. I lost may daughter last year she was 24. I am totally lost and feel very alone. Stay strong xx
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Think my son did everything when he was on one, and I’m sure when I read the toxicology and post mortem reports when I get them I know he wouldn’t have stood a chance. When I say it was a mistake people on this site will get it…unlike others. It still doesn’t change anything…he was kind, caring, loving, thoughtful. I still say why…it’s an addiction he had both drink and drugs🥲. Big hugs xx
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Probably not my best day at all to be adding a post on here after another battle with the NHS, the third this week alone. My daughter died last year and I do blame myself for not getting my daughter out of the mental health unit I should have followed my instinct I knew she wasn’t safe. I probably could have got her out, but there are people to blame and that is the incompetent hospital staff as well as myself. My daughter didn’t want to die at all she also was scared of dying, she just wanted help and support and didn’t get it, and I think there is a belief there are all these professionals and psychiatrists out there to provide help and support and it’s all just guess work. My daughter was a very warm loving and caring person that laughed and smiled and cried like all of us, and wanted to be loved and cared for. Not to be treated badly and to be made out to be a horrid person. I really hope someone or some people can really change things for all people with addictions and who are vulnerable some day soon. The course of our lives are now changed forever and what should have been never will be, but I hope that given time life will be more bearable and we can all learn to live again and enjoy it.
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Dear friends, i hope you are coping. I wont say Having a good day, but just coping.
I have to say that even though we have all suffered the horrendous loss of our much loved children, i am so shocked and humbled by what the parents and families of the Lucy Letby victims have been through and continue to suffer.
This is a crime so horrific. We trust the nurses in hospital and especially in the neo natal units. Our little Brooke was in for 2 weeks and the care she had was faultless. The nursing team were amazing. Apart from one! I was not happy with this nurse and spoke to a more senior nurse about her. She wasn’t a threat or anything like that but she wasnt kind or supportive to Lisa. She needed help getting Brooke to latch on as she had been tube fed for nearly 10 days after birth. She was just doing a job. No heart. Just do my shift and get the heck out of here.
I just dont understand why other medics where Lucy Letby was working, didn’t step forward sooner. Turning a blind eye is not acceptable. Not just this troubled, sick young woman.
Love to all.
Kate xxx
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Dear Kate, I was in tears today hearing some of the details of what happened to those poor babies and especially because we know what it is like to lose a precious child.
I find it difficult to understand how she got away with it for so long. I have worked on a children’s ward for 20 years and I am confident it would not happen there. There is transparency on the ward and we are encouraged to speak up if we see or hear of anything that we are concerned about. I hope the sentence given to her brings some peace to those poor families xxx
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