Sorry for butting in. You have to rebuild yourself. Loosing a child. You have to start from scratch. When I lost sam. Spent a lot of time asking the big question. Why me!!! But it happens, you have to deal with it it. I’ve been on an epic journey. I’ve had to find myself again. Every day you have to overcome obstacles, I measure myself against other people but I always come up a blank. Simply because it’s my pain and mine alone. As much as we miss our children. Others will never get it. I don’t proclaime to have a mother’s love. But it doesn’t make it any easier. As I achieve new things in life. New house , new car. New job. I’m always thinking. My son would be so proud. Almost like I’m looking for validation. I Carry on living my life. And it’s wrong cause my boy isn’t there witnessing it. Whatever I do I want my boy to know. I’ll be 60 this year. N he missed it!!! But you have to keep going. Why !!! Nobody knows. I’ve thought about him every day. Almost like he’s still here. I’d give the world to see him again. But alas . I have to pretend for the whole world that I’m ok . I tell myself everyday that I will meet him again one day. Works for me!!!
@Jim10 you are so right, our lives have changed forever and we do have to find a new way of living. That’s the tricky part though. Life is not the same but we do laugh again, have happy times, have family times.
No one will ever truly understand, but so long as people remember and talk about my son that ok by me.
Take care x
Dear Jim, Gill and friends, when we lost Gemma, my GP said ‘this will change you and people will have to get used to the new you’. Sadly a couple of people have been unable to do that but most have and I am blessed to have family and friends who are so understanding.
Jim, I am sure you will see your son again as I believe we will all see our beautiful children again. We just have to bide our time and as Gill says, we can still have moments of happiness. Wishing you all a peaceful Sunday xxx
Hi all my friends on here sams been gone two years and it still some days feels like yesterday .its true we will never be the same. You learn to cope a bit better .but the yearning for our children never goes. That longing to give them a hug .to chat waiting for them to turn the corner .its wicked wrong and grief is a very lonely road . You certainly learn who the real people are . I would be lost without this site .youve all helped me through some very dark days .i hope we do meet our children again i have to believe that sending you all love uour all in my thoughts much love zoe 
Hi Zoe, i guess when we realise we havent been chatting here for a wee while, we must be healing to some extent. Theres always that emptiness though. The missing part in our hearts.
Love to you dear Zoe.
Kate xxxx
@Zoe9 yes you are right, grief is a very lonely road but this site makes such a difference. It’s nice to talk to other grieving parents. Certainly confirms to me that I’m not going mad. Sometimes I still feel completely empty and my body aches with wanting to see my son again.
Have a good day xx
I feel like that today, nearly on the verge of tears, heart pounding. At least talking on here helps. Thank you, take care xx
@MJG me too, I’m going to get my hair done so hopefully that will give me something else to think about for a while xx
That horrible empty heart racing feeling .i have that this morning .i still say baby steps .the sun is shining and our babies should be here.sam had his whole life in front of him .im sitting in his room with my feet in his trainers .crazy but comforting .my little grandson came down the other day with sams jacket and cap on .his 10 he was sobbing he said nan i miss my best friend .it breaks you as a family it affects everyone . Much love zoe
That will be nice getting your hair done and hopefully it will make you feel bit better in an odd sounding way, plus if you feel you can you can chat to your hairdresser. Be kind to yourself xx
My heart rate has just starting calming down plus I’ve just pushed myself on a really good swim. I like to smell my sons hoodie and hold onto it…strange I know but whatever gives us a bit if comfort, when I lost my Mum in Oct 2020 I used to open up her make up drawer and smell it…I could literally smell my Mum. When I lost Dad Dec 2021 I have never been able to smell anything of him…it’s so weird. Hope you manage to have a nice time with your grandson…little steps for us all. This site is my lifeline if I was honest xx
I always think of you all and wonder how everyone is. As time goes on I miss Gemma just as much but manage to stay in control more. I always say that I live life now with an undercurrent of sadness but at least I can talk about her (and to her) without dissolving into tears.
I feel so proud of everyone here, how we all cope with our situations even though our hearts have been broken
Thank you Victoria P. By saying that he gives me some hope. I talk to my son so much in his resting place in my garden, it gives me peace, I also had a tattoo done on my arm and since I’ve had that done I feel bit better when I go anywhere, which is rare as I feel he is with me, sounds silly but it helps. Just planning my next one which maybe with the sun and waves, and a symbol of strength in it. I’m rubbish at drawing so the guy I go to is really understanding and very creative. My partner says if that what helps you then do it. If my Mum was alive she would go mental with me as she hates tattoos. The one for my son is so special to me. Xx
Dear MJG, It does get easier. I feel so much calmer. A kind of peace seemed to settle around Me and I know that sounds mad but that is the only way I can describe it.
I do still get my tearful times which can be triggered quite randomly but I am able to recover so much quicker.
As someone else said, we keep our children tucked away in our hearts. I think we must do whatever gets us through so you get that tattoo if that is what you want and it will be a tribute to your lovely boy xxx
I really don’t know how we are meant to live with this loss of our precious children .
It is pure torture .
It is my darling but it is what it is. We just have to work our way through this horrendous journey that none of expected to be travelling. Its so awful we cant even comprehend what has happened to us. We just exist on a different level. All of us here understand though.
Love to you. Kate xx
Hi wynne
Sorry to hear about the loss of your son I lost my son on the 11th July after suffering for 3 1/2 years with primary progressive multiple sclerosis it was horrendous for him he became bedbound after only 9months from diagnosis. Its the most awful thing to watch your child suffer and not be able to help. I understand you not wanting to carry on I have those thoughts myself but I have a husband and another son who need me so please just take each day as it comes and if you feel you need extra help there are lots of professional counselling services out there available through your GP or you can refer yourself. Keep coming on here to let out your feelings I think it does help.
Keep going and best wishes to you and yours.
Kim2
Thank you VictoriaP. It’s interesting what you said about feeling calmer. The last 14 years I’ve had so much stress and anxiety because I never knew what was coming next with my son, addiction of drugs was awful for him and for me watching it happen, police involvement, hospitals, courts etc, that I have noticed over the last few months all of that stress has gone, I would change anything to have my son back, like we all would. Take care xx
MJG ive noticed not got the anxiety any more probably because i couldnt care less anymore about most things…though ive gone back to not answering phone unless i know who it is. Im thinking about a tattoo…he loved playing guitar…
Same as me I don’t answer my mobile or reply to messages and to be honest my attitude sucks….and I don’t care if I was honest. Went in a shop about 8 miles from me today, asked for some tobacco (smoking is out of control) and had 2 bounty bars. She assumed I was a holiday maker….wrong told her I was local, she then said that is ££22.60. Asked her how much she was charging me for the tobacco, she said £21.00.
Told her she was having a laugh at the price and slammed it down on the counter, and flounced out of the shop. My temper is going to get me in trouble…do I care…No.
I’m in the process of designing my next one which will have symbol for strength in it. The one I have dedicated to my son is on the inner part of my lower arm so it’s near me all the time. Think about what you would like to have done, I think it may help you as I feel my son is always with me xx