Hi Jacquie,
Yes how you put it down is so true, I dont know if this resonates with anyone but I feel like I’m living in a parallel universe, the present everyday stuff, and the life before my daughter died, the day it happened your life changes forever, your thought process changes, it becomes hard work with people around you, they act differently, you want it to go back, but it can’t.
Totally agree you are washed in to this new life and people around you can’t cope .they cross the road my biggest bug bear …..my sam was alive a real person you can still talk about him his my world our superhero .my baby …… this site made me stronger friends on here helped without them even knowing . I still need you all and I’m here for all of you on this awful road we have been given I wish you a healthy and peaceful new year 
Look at it another way, each year passing is a year closer to her. Someone gave me that advice and it helped me x
I have been very lucky with the majority of my friends’ support since my son died. Most of them have gone out of their way to be there for me. They call in for coffee and chats because they know that I can’t face going out to coffee shops etc. They continually phone or text to check up on us. One particular friend came to my house with bags of ready meals when my son had just died, so we wouldn’t have to worry about shopping or making meals. I am so grateful to them for being so amazing. However, I have one friend, whom I have known for 35years + , who has barely even acknowledged what has happened to our son and the repercussions his death had had on me and my family. I am truly gutted by her lack of contact. I had considered her to be a close friend. But I have decided to cut her out of my life completely. I don’t need fair weather friends. True friends are those who stick with you through good times and bad.
I hope you guys are as lucky as I have been with support from friends. Either way we are all lucky to have each other for support even though we have been thrown together through tragedy xxx
I can’t thank you all enough, at times I don’t know what I would have done without you lovely lot. Unless you’ve walked our path you haven’t got a clue. Thank you all so much x
First of all your words remind me of myself. I hate it when people say to me how strong I am. What do they think I am superman.? I grieve every single day for my son. He was 39 when cancer got him. Bowel cancer got the diagnosis and 3 weeks later he was gone. I’m not strong I’m weak but I put on a brave face. Can’t keep crying every time someone talks to me. My life will never be the same. I just get by day after day. It’s true no one knows how you feel if they haven’t been through what we all have. I don’t cry as often anymore but my heart hurts. I miss my lad so much. I talk to him every day. He died in the hospice, I wasn’t there when he took his last breath and that haunts me. It happened through COVID. He wanted to save my pain so instructed the staff to let his sister do everything. I think now, he didn’t want me to go through the pain of seeing him at the end. I saw him exactly 1 week before he passed. I’m sorry I’m rambling on. I can’t sleep. Goodnight everyone and thank you for listening. Good luck everyone who has lost a love one.
Hello everyone, I’ve read so many of all the comments above. I came on here a few months ago as I have lost my only daughter my other half and the love of my life to breast Cancer each 34 and I have struggled every day since with everything that you all talk about empty, emotional, sad ,lonely , teaful and bitter so bitter !unable to connect to people I stay in the house cleaning and cooking for my two grandchildren
Sarah lived with me on her from lockdown and during both her pregnancies she had f1stand then secondary stage 4 cancer she passed away just Ten days short of her daughters 1st birthday
Although I have my two grandchildren that get me through the day looking after them, I know that she is going to bring so much change their DAD has already made someone I know he wants to be with and I’m just waiting on the day. He tells me the three of them are moving out. I don’t know how I’m gonna cope because I’m finding it hard enough to know that he loves someone else and it’s not my daughter and it eats me up. How can he love someone else when I’m in so much pain because I feel so much love for her why doesn’t he? My two grandchildren will be brought up by someone else not my daughter I can’t bear the thought of it my daughter was my other half and I know I will always be broken and everybody else wants me to catch up. They can laugh they can sing. They can even listen to music. They can go out and meet friends. I can’t do any of these things a few times that I’ve laughed at something I’ve seen on the Internet, almost instantly after I brushed into tears I’m just lost but do you know I’m not alone when I read all your comments it just seems that life seems unbearable. I look at my grandchildren and I’ve just learned for their mum to be doing what I’m doing for them and I tell myself my daughter would be saying thank you mum that as yet I don’t feel she’s around me I still wanted to be I want to feel that I want to feel peace, but I don’t I’m sorry this has been such a long message. I feel once a star I can’t stop. Best wishes to all of you. Xx
Sending love to you in your dreadful turmoil. It breaks my heart to read it all.
Just know that all of us here have faced the worst possible loss and I totally understand your feelings that your daughters partner is moving on. Our daughter ‘s partner met someone a couple of years ago and I cried all day. However, he couldn’t move on. He is still in love with our Lisa which is a comfort to us. He throws all his love on our Granddaughter.
Thinking of you and hoping being able to tell it how it is for you is a help and in some way a release of everything you want to say but can’t say to anyone else.
Much love to you.
Kate xx
Hi Susan, I’m so sorry you have lost your daughter. I too lost my precious girl. She has two boys. My daughter’s husband has remarried although my daughter was divorced from him when she died. My older grandson lives nearby and we are constantly in touch and see each other regularly. Her younger son ( big age gap between them) lives with his daddy and stepmum, but comes to stay with us every few weeks. We still have an amazing relationship with both boys and they mean the world to us. We always think about what Gemma would want for them and advocate for her. We are able to tell them about her and especially what she was like as a child. I think that is so important, that we will always be a strong link to their mummy, just as you will be to your grandchildren and that is such an important role for us, to keep our daughters memory alive x
Thank you for your reply
It’s been a very heavy day today
Oscar asked if he would stay hear with his gran forever because his daddy said they would sometime have a home of their own and he cried and cried and never let me go and said he never wants to leave me !!!
I know it’s because I have filled the gap his mummy did ,she loved them so much and when she passed away he’s never really cried over her gone yet must have thoughts , he does talk about her !
Because his dad is with someone else he doesn’t talk of Sarah without someone else mentioning her first . It’s a strained relationship now , different from when Sarah was alive.He just wants to move on , but because the children are young and money that’s the only reason he’s still here !
And all I want I can’t have !
Thank you for replying,I feel so selfish talking about my feelings. Am just lost to them !
Hi all.
It’s a few years for me. 90% of the time I can crack on with it. But just every now and then when you least expect it. It comes back to bite you. Christmas didn’t bother me in the slightest like it has done in the past. Was having an afternoon nap the other day and suddenly in my sleep it all comes flooding back. The reality that my son is no longer hear hits like a sledge hammer. You wake up and feel total disbelief and denial. Your mind plays tricks on you. You snap back into the present. Tell yourself that you have been doing so well. But your mind has other ideas. It’s all still there. It’s always still there. 99 times out of a 100 I can talk about him or think of him and I’m fine. Then just that 1% You have no control over. Ive learned to lead a completely different life from the one I had before. Without realising it. You reprogram yourself. You think differently. You act differently. I sometimes feel like I live in a parallel universe. I never see any of the people I used to know. ( not my choice). I’ve thought about that scenario a 1000 times. I think it’s all of them that have changed. And they all think it’s me that has changed. And never the Twain shall meet. The strangest thing in the world is people you’ve known your entire life suddenly will do anything to avoid you all because you had the misfortune to loose your child. Rebuilding your life after loosing your son or daughter is not something you do by reading books or going on a coarse. It’s just something you slowly embrace and cross each obstacle as it appears. In the beginning it’s the big major stuff that brings you to your knees. Years later it can be the smallest innocuous thing that upsets you. An advert on the telly. A sideways glance out of the car window and something catches your eye. Life is very different afterwards for all the bereaved parents. When you see the newly bereaved parents on this site With all the questions they have. Searching for answers they will never find. You want so much to help them but each person has to go on their own private journey to get to a place where they can make sense of the black hole they find themselves in. All I can say to those people is. There is a life afterwards it just takes some adjusting too. Eventually the dark days will be out numbered by the bright days
Ok thanks for listening. Take care. Jim
Hi Jim
Thank you so much for posting this, its nice to meet people that feel the same, The loss is unbearable, not one person at my partners over new year mentioned my daughter, I tried to bring her up in conversation, but was shut down, 
Family is for Christmas, she was my daughter, suppose its just the way it is, nearly four years now, I should be over it now, they probably think, well I’m F#@king not! And never will be, like you iv changed, I dont care any more what people think, all the people I know hardly text or call.
My partner and my family are good, I’m lucky with that, I just wish people would acknowledge us for what has happened, and our lives have changed forever and nothing nobody, or any amount of money can change it, we are on this road, try to navigate and ask “why”.
Sending hugs 
to everyone 
Nikki
Beccas mum xx
Hello, thank you, Jim and Becca.
It really feels like I’m not alone because all the things you say in your messages I feel to and let you Becca nothing will be the same ever again and I’m not okay with it
Not yet anyway I’m angry and better at the people roundabout me for expecting me to be okay frustrated and Christmas was rubbish. I took myself to a grief coffee today and the people were lovely. I felt like I was walking into a AA meeting.
But they were really nice and after the initial tears of trying to get my words out because I always get an enormous lump in the throat before I can say anything to anyone I’ll probably go back. I am trying to help myself. I just want the thing I can’t have to make everything better.
Life’s gonna change a lot this year I feel it I knew it and I’m gonna have to suck up every single bit of it that scares me too. I hope you all take care and sending my thoughts Sarah’s mum Susan. X
Hi Susan
Bless u xx thank you for your kind msg, be proud of yourself for going to the bereavement coffee 
thingy, it does help meeting other people in the same situation 
x take care x
Nikki
Beccas mum x
hi Susan I don’t post much but always read new posts I am in similar situation my daughter passed suddenly nearly 3 years ago her children were 6 and 9 at the time and her husband meet someone very soon it nearly destroyed me with hatred and anger it was like at the time it took away me grieving for my daughter I felt I couldt say any thing in fear of lossing children i felt like this other person stole my daughter life but I now relise I did the right thing cause we have very close relationship with kids who I mind quite a lot and they come to stay every sat i do feel my reliship with my son in law will never b the same cause i felt he caused me more pain and i just could not understand how he moved on so quick more so cause he didt tell me i found out months later and that hurt with all the secrets me worrying about him making sure he ok and all along he meet someone I just could not understand how he moved on so quickly he did say that he would never stop loving her as they were together 20 years but he was lonely and i get that as i have someone and not alone every night it did help a bit to ask him i had to let it go for my own health as it was destroying me and my own reliship and say to myself he a good dad and they love him but I will never accept it I always tell them stories of there mum they don’t talk about her the oldest one used to change subject when I mention her but now he listening and actually said about his mum which is small baby steps I don’t push it and they have helped me get up and keep going and I no my daughter will me saying mum just look after my boys and that’s what I will do ur grandkids will get u through this keep them close I send u love and peace x
Shaz1
O my god , every word you just said is me !!
I have even said it’s as though It’s got in the way of just grieving Sarah and I’m just angry at him for all the same reasons you’re saying ! It as though he’s betraying the love that I thought he had , I’m so bitter right now I’m so mad some days I can hardly look at him because I know when he’s at work he’s seeing her and I know one day soon she’s going to be looking after my grandchildren and they won’t live with me anymore they’ll live with them. Thank you for getting back with this message again. I know it’s not no just my mind and the way it works it’s all natural feelings because we loved so much and still love that it just feels like that I know I must not say anything because in the long run if he ends up living close enough I will 100% be making sure the two children are in our lives and it’s likely that if he close he will need help
He’s never put a washing machine on since Sarah passed away
Am bitter yes
Thank you again and I wish you well
Thank you xxx
hi Susan I totally understand ur feelings I was the same I could hardly look him at him and yes he will need you I do morning for younger one take him school pick up and make them all there dinner 2 days week and he was the same didt no how cook never done anything made me realise how much my daughter had to do as well as work he did say he felt guilty cause he done nothing but I can’t believe how he can do all that now and don’t get me wrong I feel guilty taking kids give him free time with her but I look at it as they away from them and don’t c all that lucky she hast moved in she kids too but it was friend told me stright try not to hate think of his good points cause it going make u ill and she was right as long as kids are happy that what ur there to do when I read ur post I was the same thats way I felt and don’t get me wrong every day we try some people think I mad kids to much and should go out but these days I have no intrest going out may b someday il get there I like b home weekends with kids it like my safe place i can b me cause with work all week it get tiring pretending all the time so I enjoy kids coming and we go do things with them too kids realy do help keep you going and they will need you x
Hi all, I always come here for a bit of comfort I suppose my safe place where we can say anything .the only place that you my friends get it .many days and nights you have got me through the worse times. I really hope at times I have helped some of you too.
Jim you always say it how it is and it all makes sense grief has changed us all .like you say our lifes are different now …..where are the people that are ment to care …. Some fall by the wayside… it puts life and people into perspective….
Tomorrow is the day that changed my life forever. We stood in the hospital and got told sam had cancer arare sarcoma 13 th jan 2021. Our beautiful super hero lasted four months this cruel world gave him his 25 th birthday he died April 2021 . Life is so cruel and we find ourselves in this new life trying to make sense of it ..and like you say Jim why do some dates and days get you this grief is hard and so very sad ….thank you for your support all old and new parents on here our babies are tucked in our heart pockets as michelle always says hugs to you all
I’ve had a weekend of tears , I miss Rupert so much and at times I feel like I’m forgotten about, or a burden
I just hate my life without him, life has changed so much and it’s a life I don’t want. A life I never saw in my future. I feel lost in a minefield of emotion and I can’t stand it at times. I have never felt so alone.