Aw bless u yes it,s tough, I had a good cry today , all the christmas ads, had a lady knock my door today from Southern Water, asking if I wanted my tap water testing, I asked her in, I was busy wrapping parcels for vinted and said carry on, she was so nice, asked me if I was looking forward to christmas, I said no! After a while of chit chat, I came out and said I lost my daughter 3 years ago, and this week would have been the funeral . She was so nice, and then told me she lost her partner to suicide two years ago, I hugged her, it was like some one sent her x
I havenāt been on the site for ages - others grief can become consuming and not helpful while dealing with your own, but I do drop in from time to time.
Canāt believe or donāt want to believe itās coming on 5 years since I lost my hubby Ian in 2021. The pain lessens but memories donāt. What Iāve noticed is captain Morgan visits too frequently. I know itās not the same as losing a son or daughter but I re read your posts and hear myself nodding & agreeing with your words.
I (we) have a son & a daughter - son doesnāt visit often & I know Ian would be extremely angry & disappointed over that.
Our daughter has been my rock, but I know she has her own life to lead.
Friends, neighbours whats happened to them ?? Clearly I had great expectations from folk, sometimes I think fine, ok - do youāre own thing other times Iām - this is . thanks a bunch!
Iām digressing sorry and apologise for rambling . Did you go for or consider counselling? Iāve had and considering going back.
I wish you a peaceful time and thankyou for your many words of wisdom.
Aw bless you, I think grief is such a mind field, I get angry with my family and even my partner, its like they ādont think or Acknowledge ā what your going through, its such a tough journey , and you should be over it, and you feel bad for feeling the way you do, or bringing up the way you feel or talk about the person you have lost, so you say nothing and sob your heart out alone. Xx
Nice to hear from you. To answer your question. In the early days I tried counselling. Didnāt find it much use to be honest. Itās basically just someone that gets paid to listen to you. They arenāt really interested in your predicament. It may work for some people . But I personally think the reality is if they werenāt being paid. I donāt think counsellors would exist. Totally get what you are saying about your son and daughter and also your friends. Everyone has their own lives to lead and very few want to absorb others troubles. A kind word or a nice gesture goes along way. Sometimes itās the little things that stop you from tipping over the edge.
You have reminded me of something that I experienced and have told on the forum before. When my son died and all the dust had settled and everyone disappears from your life and you feel the whole world is carrying on without out you. Well it had been about 6 months after his death. I was off work. People avoided me like the plague because they donāt know what to say. So apart from my wife I hadnāt spoken to another single person in months. I had become an empty shell of a person. I was out walking one day. A woman across the street called my name and came walking towards me. I realised it was someone I went to school with absolutely years ago. When she reached me she hugged me I was that taken back that I wasnāt actually invisible and people could infact see me. I just crumbled and sank to my knees and began crying (yes Iām a bloke). Iāve never forgotten that moment. I think itās because when you suffer a loss of a child for a while you loose everything. Your confidence. Your emotions. Your ability to do or see beyond your grief. You feel worthless. Invisible. Just broken. What that lady did that day. Just gave me hope that not all is lost. Eventually you start to claw your way back. I genuinely think loosing a child. Chemically changes your brain. You think differently. You see things others donāt see. You feel things others donāt and most of the time you donāt have control of how your mind works. Hence randomly bursting out crying at the most ridiculous things that have no bearing on your situation. I havenāt lost a partner grandma. So I can only imagine how hard it is for you just trying to carry on. Life throws things at us that leave you asking. Why me? Thereās no answer to that.
I know most of us dread this time of year. You seem to miss them more. Which is silly really because we miss them every single day. But we put pressure on ourselves to miss them more at Christmas. But it will come and go like every other day. Hope you are well grandma. Take care. And thanks for listening
Thinking of you all this morning and all of our beautiful children who were taken too soon. I hope you have a peaceful day and this evening I will light a candle to them all. Sending you love especially today
Thankyou so much xx i took flowers to the church yesterday with my family just as sun was setting, to remember my daughter Becca, hope everyone is ok, Iāll be thinking of you all xx take care xx
I feel your pain and wish I could say something positive to comfort you . Itās 9 years for me and though it gets easier with time its always there in the background waiting to take you down.
People say how strong I am , little do they know.
Take great care of yourself. I am open to contact if you think it might help.x
Hi all - I havenāt been on here for months but looking back over the many comments made since I was, I recognise so many names of mothers who have lost a child too, with whom Iād been in contact in the past. Itās been over three years now since I lost my beloved son Joey to cancer. On the outside I appear to be coping very well. I remember very early on when I joined this community that another grieving parent told me the journey of grief would never end. She compared it to an ocean as you walk along the beach. Some days the grief would wash over you like a massive savage storm that would threaten to drown you, but on other days it would lessen in intensity and lap at your ankles, although it would never disappear. And so it is with me.
Since founding the non-profit having1ball.ch in my sonās memory I have come out of retirement completely, doing everything to raise awareness for testicular cancer, involved in free public screening days, in-company and other conferences, and so those around me think I am coping so very well.
Yes. Outwardly. I keep the grief monster at bay with work and by going into my beloved mountains for solace. But my heart is always filled with deep longing, constant sorrow. These Christmas days are terrible for me. Not having grandchildren I can get away with completely ignoring it all: no tree, no decorations, no gifts, no special dinner. Iāve avoided driving past the brightly lit Christmassy streets everywhere and even threw a poinsettia a friend gave me into the trash. And yes, I admit it. I feel terribly sorry for myself, when I hear about all my friends having loud boisterous days with their large, intact families. I know. Self-pity doesnāt get you anywhere, nor is it healthy.
But my main reason for sharing today is to ask if anyone can identify with the following, and perhaps share some thoughts: although my sonās absence fills me with the constant heaviness of longing, regret, sadness and guilt but also happy memories throughout my day, at night he almost never enters my dreams. Iām someone whoās always had vivid dreams, but since Joey died Iāve dreamt about him only three times! I wrote them down immediately before I could forget a single detail, but I am so saddened and dismayed that he doesnāt ācome to meā in this way. Why not? Does this happen to any of you? Iād love your take on this. Iāve asked friends but they arenāt bereaved mothers and do not understand what a balm it would be to my soul. Iām thinking of all other parents in this awful club weāre in.
Lovely to hear from you, Joeyās Mum. I am in awe of what you have achieved in Joeyās name and he would be so proud of you.
I have only dreamt about Gemma 2 or 3 times too. One of my dreams was exactly the same as my grandson dreamt about her and it was quite upsetting. When he had his dream he was in tears when he woke up and it took a long while to comfort him. I would love to have a nice dream about her.
I do still fleetingly feel her close though and that is what gives me peace. I remember you once talking about a mental grieving room and that is something I still do occasionally, usually when I go to bed. I lie there quietly and think about Gemma and mentally go through events that surrounded her. It helps to keep her alive for me.
I still find the build up to Christmas so hard and I too tend to avoid it.
I wish you well as we begin a new new year and send you love x
I have always slept walked/ had night terrors/nightmares. This has got worse since Hollie passed. I have not dreamy about Hollie once since she passed, considering I spent every single day with her for 35 and half years I would have hoped I would as we had so, so many laughs along our journey. Instead I have a re occurring night terror involving cancer trying to take my remaining children, it was very very distressing but I am now able to control it by releasing anger at it, my poor husband will often have to wake me as I shout/ fight it . I have literally hundreds of photos and videos of Hollie, she was literally the light in my life and of so many others and as I watch these fairly regularly I wonder if thatās why I donāt dream of her??
Yes, that thought has occurred to me as well. My son made a podcast about his cancer journey from the week he was diagnosed until days before his death. About 24 hours worth. As he worked in radio I also have a lot of those recordings. I listen to his voice when Iām on long drives by myself and feel him next to me. And the thousands of text messages with him I reread frequently. Maybe my soul and heart are so filled with him during the day that at night my subconscience takes a break. I donāt know. What a journey we are all on
Hi all dear friends. Regarding the dreams, I have vivid dreams of Lisa. So vivid I can hear her voice and wakened up answering her. These dreams are often about when i was helping her with flowers for weddings, at the venue and church. I hear her say āMum, can your fill those tall cases for me and put those flowers in with some greeneryā. Then, I dream of her saying. āPhew, that was close, us leaving out the back door with the bride coming in the front!ā
We would sit in the car laughing about it and her laugh is so clear, just as it always was. Almost like a hiccup at the start then a real giggle. Bless her beautiful heart. What a girl she was.
Hi Victoria - I wish you a peaceful new year as well. I know, even though you have two other children and grandchildren, that doesnāt make Gemmaās loss any easier to bear. I have another son, Kevin, who is a godsend to me, but Joey is so much more in my life. Mind you, I would never let that on to Kevin. But I am in constant dread of losing him.
As for what I do in Joeyās name - people tell me he would be so proud of what Iām doing but I tell them that it wasnāt me who started it all! Sure, I founded the association with his brother and 5 others - according to Swiss association law and statutes - but it was Joeyās strength and courage that got the ball rolling - pun intended - with his original podcasts. Had he not done that, it would never have entered my mind to set up a charity. So I donāt take any credit, although being president of Having a Ball has become a full time job now. I therefore owe it to him that Iām still here. Those first months after he died I was suicidal and saw no point in living without him, but he gave me the motivation and strength to continue. I owe him my resilience.
Sending love and strength to old and new friends to help you through, such a difficult time for us all , at least we know we are not alone on this awful journey as we have each other, I have struggled this year and am glad it is all over, I have read all your messages which are a great comfort to me and thank you all for your friendship, take care lovely people our precious children are always with us safely tucked inside our heart pockets xxxx
I find new year hard ā¦ I feel that each year takes me further away from when I lost Gemma and the longing to hug her and caress her hair again is so strong. So I usually go to bed early to escape it but Charlie is here this year and I have to put my brave face on for him ā¦ watch the fireworks on the television and have a toast with sparkling elderflower. I hope the new year is peaceful for us all and that somewhere along the way we have joyful moments.
Thank you all of you for being here and well done us for sticking together
Hi to all my lovely friends on here you have all kept me going . I really canāt begin to say how much you got me through so many sad days and nights. You all have your own sadness and we all in the same club .but you always helped me through .you dont reliaze how much you all helped .my sadness still so very strong but we Cope a little better as time goes on . Coming up for five years. Feels like yesterday lost my beautiful sam to sarcoma. Four months he was gone . He would of been 30 in March just so wrong so wicked my beautiful boy had open heart surgery when born he survived a 9 hour op .he was our gift. But they took him just after his 25 birthday so cruel .our beautiful boy who deserved so much more.
our babies should be here . Itās not the way it should be .Just want to send you all my love and a big hug .hope 2026 is kind to us much much love zoe
Its been a tough one for sure. My husband had a car accident on 16th December and the landrover was written off. He was uninjured and the dogs were fine but it was an awful fright for him. He said that Lisa was looking down on him and saved him. I am sure he was right.
I cried myself to sleep last night going to bed at 10. Jemma was here and she also went to bed before midnight.
So we all travel on together, another year without our children. How we manage I really donāt know, but at least we all have each other.
This is a very unique support group, I can be the less likeable person and I donāt get judged.
I can say Iām still angry and hurt instead of agreeing yes at least sheās not in pain. I can say I go to her room and smell her pillow without people changing the subject.
I can say I am in such a low place that I donāt want to carry on and you all understand instead of hearing people saying ā you are so strongā.
There is no judgement, there is no solution or right /wrong answer but it is somewhere to be US , parents who have faced the worse possible chain of events leading up to this impossible nightmare.
I wish you all some peace, some joy and some acceptance in 2026.
yes it,s tough, I had a good cry today 
, all the christmas ads, had a lady knock my door today from Southern Water, asking if I wanted my tap water testing, I asked her in, I was busy wrapping parcels for vinted and said carry on, she was so nice, asked me if I was looking forward to christmas, I said no! After a while of chit chat, I came out and said I lost my daughter 3 years ago, and this week would have been the funeral 
. She was so nice, and then told me she lost her partner to suicide two years ago, I hugged her, it was like some one sent her x
I know itās not the same as losing a son or daughter but I re read your posts and hear myself nodding & agreeing with your words.
. thanks a bunch!
with my family and even my partner, its like they ādont think or Acknowledge ā what your going through, its such a tough journey 
alone. Xx
hope everyone is ok, Iāll be thinking of you all xx take care xx
