Hi Kate it is very normal I’ve been told to have this grief suddenly flood over us like a tidal wave. Sometimes I guess the sea is calm and other times it’s rough and choppy. My Aimée loved hobbycraft she likes making things for her doll collection she had. I get it every time I go into primark specially in the pj section. She and I would lunch in Miller and cater her favourite restaurant i havnt managed to even go in there yet. Because I know its going to be so hard to hold back tears and feelings. What area do you live x
Hello, Helen,Lisa. and all
Helen I will be thinking of you on Thursday, Sams 37th birthday. What have you got planned to get you through it ? You gave the impression,of being so strong, and now going backwards again. I think its the time of year the birthday, the dreaded anniversarys coming up, and then everyone talking about what they are going to do for xmas. Just cant stand looking at the decs, cant seem to get away from them. I used to love xmas , but now just wish I could hide until its over.and I don’t think we will be going away this year. Kate , I understand what you mean going places we used to go with our lovely girls, I I just the worst ting. Last year we went back ti Disney World to scatter just a few of her ashes, how she loved that place ,She even got married there in 1998 , so every time I see it advertised on the tv I just want to cry. But she loved the Disney castle so we put her close by. And when we had that awful day when we had to say our final good bys. I chose When you wish upon a star, and her husband was horrified.
Love Maddie xx
It’s awful the way our children are ghosts in every place we used to go together.
I too am dreading xmas but need to hold it together for our wee Brooke.
Last year Lisa found this great place to get freshly cut xmas trees and we went together to choose.
We did so much together all the time and for me that’s the worst thing as I am a bit lost. I need to text her and say ‘yes ok I can be there by 12 and we can do lunch or whatever’ That’s it I guess. The list feeling and we can be great then it just hits us. The loss!
Kate xxx
Hi Chel. It took me by surprise to be honest. I was so shocked when I saw the staff in HB craft in their aprons and blue shirts. It knocked me sick. I was looking for Lisa in the shop but I knew she wasnt their, but still! I just needed to see her beautiful face.
We need to get stronger, all of us, but goodness knows how? Some days I am so upbeat but others its s…t!
With love. Kate xx
Hi Kate yes no one really gets it do they. I was out shopping today and every where I looked there was something that Aimée would have liked or brought. I remember I was out once with my mum and there is a cake shop that she would always go over and buy us a cake each my mum didn’t know about it and said shall we get a cake. I thought ok let’s do this then suddenly I smelt her perfume I had such a over welming feeling then panic I couldn’t breathe and had to sit on the floor as I felt I was going to faint. Today I walked around in a daze not really noticing other people around it was weird. I also sometime thing to myself when out what am I doing this for !! How can I be doing this I’ve lost Aimée how can I be carry on day to day. We all have so many feelings going on sometimes more than one at a time sometimes I feel I’m going mad.
Hi Chel. That’s exactly it. The feelings are so unpredictable that it’s so overwhelming. Like I said yesterday, I walked into Hobbycraft and suddenly Lisa’s ghost was everywhere in my head. I had no idea I would feel so grief stricken.
I am good most of the time really, apart from early morning and bed time when I weep into my pillow.
I expect we all do.
I notice too that even when I am taking little Brooke somewhere I feel kind of sick and empty.
There is just so much missing from our lives now.
Lisa and l did so much together, working and going out for day trips with Brooke and family get togethers when Jemma was home.
I was looking at photographs of Lisa’s 30th last year. She wanted to have afternoon tea at Gleneagles. It’s a 3 hour drive but it was well worth it. It’s like she had a bucket list last year but she maybe wasnt aware of it and we did lots of lovely things.
At least I can hold on to those memories.
Hoping we all have a better day.
With love and hugs.
Kate xx
Hi Kate it’s funny you say that as Aimée went dog club the week before which was her last day and went round and spoke to everyone i was told she never did that before in the class. and I went shopping on the friday and she took back a top and used all her birthday vouchers brought me something for my birthday and went for our late lunch at Miller and cater i would always take a photo of us having out non alcohol cocktail but on this time she said No photos that was out last lunch together as on the Monday she had to go back to hospital. I wake with a disbelief sick feeling and limp through the day and then come evening I’m missing her again as you said when you spend so much time together the lost is unbearable. Hope you have a better day today . X
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Dear Helen, Maddie, Kate Chel and All,
I also feel those tidal waves of grief that threaten to drown me. I went to a funeral yesterday held in the same church where we held Gemma’s service. I held it together until the end when I completely broke down sobbing. Luckily my friend managed to get me into the kitchen and looked after me until it subsided. I almost didn’t go but I am glad I pushed myself. It was the husband of a very old friend. So hard for us all.
Helen I will be thinking of you and will light a candle for Sam. What do you have planned? I hope you come through the day okay.
Much love to you all xxx
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To Helen thinking of you for tomo Sam birthday. What ever you do will be ok. I couldn’t face family gathering on Aimée so my mum and partner walked out our dogs along the canel she likes to walk with us we had a mc donalds breakfast and we throw roses in the water and watched them float. When we got home we hang messages on her rose tree lite candles and had bubble machine going. It’s hard all the annerversary but i will always do something to remember her. I hope you get through the best u can xx
Will be thinking of you Helen.
Sending you hugs
Matella xx
Thank you all for your messages, this is what I wrote for Sam, just hurts so much but maybe tomorrow will be easier…I hope so
You were very kind and thoughtful with a warm and loving heart
And when other people needed help you always played your part
Your thought of every single day whatever time of year
But somehow more than ever now your special day is here
No present can I give and that is really hard
Each memory is shining bright and locked inside my heart
But treasured memories cannot take the place of someone as special as you
Love and miss you very much Sam
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That’s lovely Helen…brought tears to my eyes…thinking of you and Sam today,I wonder if he has met up with Christian yet,they sound so similar…xxx
Dear Helen,
Such beautiful words for your darling Sam. I will be thinking of you as you get through today.
Sending you a big hug and lots of love xxx
Hi Helen what beautiful words sending you a big hug hold in there today. We are all here for you. Xx
Dear Helen, thinking of you and your family on this very sad day, hope you get through it the best you can . Sam would love the Poem , as that sums him up .
Love Maddie xx
Helen, thinking of you today. With love.
12 weeks today since we lost our Lisa.
They are always in our thoughts.xxx
Oh Helen and all dear friends, These anniversaries are so excruciating and difficult to contemplate that time is widening those last precious moments we had with our darling sons and daughters. I loved your poem and it touched on how we all feel. Losing our young ones is so horrific and time does not make any easier. We mourn not only for them but for the things that they never had a chance to do. Be kind Helen today and know you are a wonderful mum. Love to all Wynne xxxx
Thank you Wynne for your kind words,
That poem, I cried all the while I was thinking of it, I posted it on my Facebook page with a lovely picture of him when he was in Croatia. I ended up not sleeping and got up around 3am finally going back to bed around 7, but I have been drained of energy and so tired all day. Sam would be so angry at my tears he hated tears…his attitude was we have to get on with it. But like you Wynne and all of us on here, it is so very very hard!!
With love
Helen
Dear Helen, you have got through the day, we never fully know how we get through but we do. On these days especially, our beautiful boys and girls help us. It’s sad and the tears flow, nothing is ever going to be the same again, we’ll never be happy, but Sam, as you know, will keep on telling you to keep going and you will. There’s isn’t an alternative really or we’ll be letting them down.
Thinking of you today.
Chris x
So so true. I was watching our little Brooke bouncing on her trampoline we had bought her and the one which arrived whilst they were on holiday. Lisa was delighted and said she would help erect it when she was home the following week. She was immediately in hospital on her return so we got it up and ready for her to watch her darling child play on it. That if course didnt happen. Se we sat watching this little bundle of joy as she happily bounced and laughed and the tears flowed as I though about her Mummy maybe watching. Standing somewhere nearby just watching her little girl. Her little one who will not have her Mummy as she grows up. So sad but Lisa would know we will all look after her to the best of our ability.
Helen, it was so hard for you yesterday but as you say, Sam would have been telling you to have a good time as he would have.
Love to you all . Kate xx