Dear Kate,
I am glad that you have Brooke who gives you so much joy.
My little grandson, Charlie, has started a child counselling group run by Child Bereavement UK. He is 9 now so older than Brooke.
We have only had 1 session of 4 so far. I am going with Charlie’s daddy and stepmum, who I am very close to and he wanted to go. They mainly play games together but the counsellor is so lovely and gentle with all the children and she works with them through play. Some of the children lost their mummies or daddies several years ago and for some like my Charlie, it is more recent. His little world was shattered on that day. Gemma took him to school that morning, kissed and hugged him, told him she loved him to the stars and back. He never saw her again. So very hard for our little ones so I hope the sessions will help him.
Much love to you xxx
Hello all
Yesterday was pretty awful. All I seemed to do was cry, but today I have bounced back quite a bit. Victoria I hope the counsellor will help Charlie and I know both Victoria and Kate you’re doing your level best for your grandchildren. It is one of the things that keeps me going. Bir yes Sam would expect nothing less than that I keep going what choice do any of us have…none we have grandchildren plus others that rely on us.
On this site we can all understand how it can overwhelm us and take us to the very edge of that black hole…I can hear Sam now saying for God’s sake mum!!!
With love
Helen
That must have been terrible for him.
We were so fortunate to have Lisa for those weeks in hospital. Brooke got to go in every day for the last 5 weeks so it was not an abrupt ending. She seems to know that mummy has gone but talks about her a lot. She says that’s where Mummy used to take me or thats Mummy’s favourite tune. She has amazed us actually.
Its early days but she has a wonderful Daddy and she is his world. They are amazing together.
Our daughter made a very good choice.
Love to you today.
Kate xx
Good you feel better today. Thursdays are always difficult for me as it’s the day Lisa died and also swimming for Brooke. Every time I pick her up I expect Lisa to come to the door.
Time will sort that I expect but some days can be very black for all of the patents on here.
Love to you.
Kate xx
Hi Kate and all,
Charlie also has a wonderful daddy who adores him and I am very lucky that I am very close to him and Charlie’s step-mummy.
I hope everyone has a peaceful weekend xxx
Hi Helen crying is ok it’s hard for us on their birthdays annerversary and all the celebration they will not be at. I just went to my nephew’s 21st just a small family gathering but i broke down when he read my card as I’d metioned Aimée I’m in it too. So there was tears. I’ve got my niece over who spent so much time with her first time she has be able to stay we went shopping but at one moment we were both thinking about Aimèe and how she should be with us. I’m really finding it all so consuming. I’m going away to see my partner kids up North this weekend and I’m feeling on edge about it. Everyday everyone goes on with their day but i feel stuck with the disbelief she’s gone. Even dressing I’m just wearing leggings and tops. I don’t won’t to really dress up for anything. I have family around me i know they are there for me but i still feel so lonely without Aimée i just wish i couldn talk with her missing her is unbearable. We enjoyed being with one another we had a incredible bond. I do hope everyone has a better weekend.
Hi All. Not been posting since I travelled to the Lakes to visit my family. Lovely to have them all round me but strangely feel off kilter although enjoying myself. It’s because I am not thinking about Lisa all the time and I kind of feel guilty if you get me.
Had a wee weep in the car back to my niece’s house where I am staying. It’s so beautiful here and somewhere I am very familiar with and the tears just flowed but for myself not Lisa. The first time I have really felt sorry for myself as I have been crying for Lisa and what should have been for her and Jamie and Brooke. Now the tears are selfish tears which i felt took me by surprise.
Crazy the things we feel as the time moves on without our children.
Love to you all.
Kate xxx
Hello Kate, I know exactly how you feel, when you go away it does give us a break from the grieving, as there are other things to keep are minds occupied., Don’t get me wring Dawn is always in my heart , and we take as much of her that we possibly can . I think we have cried so many tears for our darling girls feeling so sorry for them that their lives were cut so short , they had so much to live for, especialy Lisa as she had her lovely brooke. Unfortunatly Dawn could not carry babies, so we have no grandchildren from her , I don’t know if that is a good thing or not ? But at the moment , I am not crying quite so much, as I think I have come to terms now a
Hi Kate, I know exactly what you mean ,going away does give our mind and hearts a break from the grieving.As there are different things to keep us occupied. Don’t get me wrong Dawn is always in my heart ,and when we go away I take as much of her as I possibly can… I think we have done so much crying for our darling girls feeling so sorry for them that their lives were cut short ,when theyhad so much to live for, especialy Lisa as she had her little Brooke. Dawn could not carry so we have no grandchildren from her, I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not. I have found the tears are not flowing as much now , I think I have excepted that she is not coming back ,after nearly 3years,and I do feel so so guilty. We are off to Cornwall for a few days next week , and hope Dawn will be with us , she so loved Cornwall. Take care Maddie xxx
Hello Maddie & Kate
You’re right both of you it does help to get away but before I go I wind myself up and get upset. Like you we are off to Cornwall in December a few day before and after Sam’s anniversary. We go to the same farmhouse in a place called Stithians like Dawn Sam loved the sea and Cornwall. We go with our 2 closest friends and on the 9th we go out for a meal, we all have wine but there is also a pint of fosters on the table for sam. He loved fosters and we toast him. Last year I got upset a bit… and when I got back to the farmhouse my picture of him that I take away always was on my pillow, its usually by the side of the bed so I know he is right by my side
With love
Helen
Hi Helen. I know Dawn and Sam both loved Cornwall, you cant help but like it. We were hoping to get her back there when she did come out of hospital in the July ,but it wasn’t to be . But we will will try and get down there again near the anniversary December 11th , where have those 3 years gone Helen, how have we got through them,? X
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Thankyou. I knew that you would all understand the mixed up emotions. We have just been out to an amazing old pub in the middle of the cumbrian falls and I felt completely normal and at ease talking about Lisa with my family. They are supportive and know when to keep quiet.
At home I am bumping into folk who know me or Alan or Jemma and say words of sympathy but I dobt really know them so it seems intrusive and even unwelcome! Does that sound awful? I know they mean well but sometimes it hurts too much.
Kate xxxx
Dear all,
I struggle with talking about Gemma, although it is getting easier. Mainly because I sometimes get tearful, even after 20 months it still feels so raw at times. Reading all your lovely messages this evening has set me off! None of us deserve so much sadness and heartbreak. But it gives me so much hope that you are able to talk about your lovely children and that is how it should be.
There is a lovely poem which I remembered:
‘On the days when no one but you mentions their name, I am so so sorry. Say their name bravely, know that they are still real, they were still here and they are still yours.’
Much love to you all xxx
When the children were young we spent all our summer holidays in Cornwall and occasionally Devon…we were young,they were young,life was so happy and carefree such happy memories to look back on,but now they seem tinged with sadness…do we fully appreciate those times or is it only afterwards that we realise just how lucky we were?..
Two years ago our eldest son and his wife moved to Devon, and Christian and I went down to see them for a few days, again a lovely family time,little did we know that six weeks later our lives would be shattered when Christian died…life can be very good and life can be cruel, but I have come to realise you must make the best of every day and be as happy as you possible can,and I know that’s what Christian would have wanted me to be…xxxx
Hi everyone. Hope you are all ok.
I had a lovely few days in the Lakes with family however when I got home the reality struck again.
When I was away I was busy going here and there but when I got home it all just pulled me down.
I feel better today but Thursday and Friday I was crying all the time. We just miss our childrens texts and phone calls, their company and watching them enjoying life generally. Just miss Lisa’s little laugh when she was telling me something which amused her. She was a wonderful daughter and sister and partner and Mummy.
Our little Brooke was saying something about her Mummy when she was in the car and then said that her eyes were wet! Poor baby, she is a little star really.
Love to you all.
Kate xxx
Hi Kate,
I know how you feel, when you’re doing things life in general takes over the same as when we are away. Yet immediately you get back to “normal” it hits so hard it just takes you back…I was driving my little car earlier to collect a shirt for my husband from marks and spencer and went past the garage where we took Sam’s car that had broken down about a month before he became really ill in the November '16 and as I went past when Sam was in the car then, I asked him shall we go in and see if your car is ready…he said no don’t worry they’re probably busy. When I went past earlier today my mind wandered back to that conversation that took place then and I just had that feeling that Sam knew he wouldn’t drive his car again so what was the point of going in…and I carried on driving up to Marks but my face was wet with tears, as I remembered, and then thought even then Sam you tried to shield me from what he must have known.
With love to you
Helen
Dear Kate, Helen and all,
Our beautiful children are never far from our minds. You are right that so many little things can bring memories flooding back and for me when that happens I still get tearful.
It is right that we should remember all the little details of when they were here with us and the wonderful times we shared with them but it can be so painful.
I think that is what is meant by ‘grief is the price we pay for love’.
Sending you all lots of love and a big hug. xxx
Hi everyone, just got back from Cornwall, and as usual, started to cry half way back knowing Dawn would not be on the phone wanting to know how it went.But the worse is Sarah my other Daughter said the doctor thinks she is suffering from depression, I didn’t the was as she is just about to start her own business, so I cant seem to talk to her about Dawn, I know she misses her, so I sent her a text message instead, and I was so shocked at the response, she told me in no uncertain terms that we are a hinderance to her, that I make her feel depressed, when I try and stay upbeat when I see her, andwe go away a lot, and also have always been there for her, especialy this year when she had an operation on her foot and we were doing her housework everyday, we only see her now pehaps once a week…last night I just could stop crying , and this morning did not want to get out of bed, I thought whats the point. She did text this morning and said she didn’t mean to be so cruel, but the damage is done, I will give her more space and only see her when she wants to see us… I just feel so lonely , and feel we just don’t deserve this .Love to you all Maddie xxx
Oh no! That must hurt so much. I am so sorry to hear this. It’s enough dealing with everything without our lost children without having to deal with hurt from our surviving ones
Life is hard and cruel sometimes.
I hope you can find a way to forget the harsh words from your daughter.
With love
Kate xx
Dear Maddie and all,
So sorry to hear about Sarah … as if life isn’t hard enough for us!
I think you are doing the right thing by backing off a little as you need to protect yourself. Sometimes it is so hard to have to worry about everyone all the time.
Much love xxx
Hello Maddie, Victoria and Kate,
You’re right Kate, life is cruel, Maddie you didn’t need this and Sarah like Geraint is still trying to come to terms with their loss. You are right to back off a little and give her time to come to you. Do you remember when Geraint had the most awful, I can only call it an outburst that was aimed solely at me…He broke the handle off my little car and we were looking after his twin girls who were about 1 at the time. I left him alone for around 6 months never rang never called, nothing I did send him and Hannah a long text to explain how I felt and that I would not put up with his behaviour but I used to say to John, that’s it now I have no sons and was always upset but I held out. Eventually, I had a text asking if I wanted to go up that was on the 21st December to see the children, so I went Hannah was her usual self and Geraint was in the kitchen (he was so nervous) but he just looked at me and put his arms around me…no sorry but that was enough. He has learn’t one thing never to lose his temper with me again. It cost dear but I had had enough. Maybe Maddie you could send a text or email just saying how you feel and how her words have wounded you and then hard as it is and believe me it will be don’t contact. She will come round but I think it would help you to put all your feelings down either by text or email.
With love to you all
Helen