I lost my youngest daughter on January 31
She was 38, had a young daughter, 8yrs old
I was with her, and will never forget the last 48hrs of her life
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I am so sorry for your loss. Its so hard losing someone especially a child. Xx
It’s even harder when all you get told she was an adult, she made her choice
She was acutely anorexic and had a problem with alcohol
I’ve not found any bereavement group to support me
As soon as you mention alcohol, no one wants to know!!
I rest my case!!!
It does not matter how old she was. She was still your child. I think its wrong that people judge someone on their situation. Having a problem with alcohol and anorexia does not define who you are as a person. Neither does it define if you shall live or not.
Some people just have no morals or logical thought processes.
I am so sorry that you have lost your daughter xx
Ty, that means a lot, is probably the first time in 11 months that someone has not judged my baby girl, id actually given up on seeking any kind of support
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It’s complicated, but 2 days after my girl died, my granddaughter was taken by her father, he’s not allowed any contact, we, as a family, Lost 2 girls, our whole world
Our granddaughter was not allowed to say goodbye to her mummy
She was my baby girl, and I promised her baby girl id look after mummy, I broke that promise, and I’ve been allowed to explain
Never been allowed to explain
Sorry for your loss Birchwood, yes it does sound complicated and hopefully some time in the future you will be able to explain what happened, or at least be able to let her know you love her and you are there and willing to answer any questions she may have at any time.
As I understand it Alcohol may start off as a choice but as it takes hold it becomes an addiction and there is very little choice about it then. My heart goes out to anyone consumed by such an awful disease as there is very little support out there and many are desperate to beat it . Did she suffer anorexia as well or was that just a complication of the alcoholism. Either way it’s a mental health issue like say depression or bipolar is, and you would never say that was a choice would you. Depression used to be a dirty word but now it is thankfully being understood more sympathetically , hopefully in the future alcoholism will no longer be a dirty word also and will be compassionately understood. Alcoholics blame themselves enough without others piling on the shame as well .
I lost my son and it was very sudden but I should imagine you have had many years of anxiety and stress worrying about your daughter with addiction problems so must be feeling especially vulnerable. I hope you can get some counselling if you think that might help , but I found this site to be the most helpful. It’s always open and some one always seems to say something that helps. There are probably others on here who have lost loved ones due to addiction if you look through the topics .
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Birchwood, I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter to anarexia, not sure how to spell it sorry and to alcohol. I lost my son in March 2023 through drugs, and yes he was an addict with both drugs and alcohol, however he was kind, caring, loving, had a good job and his own property. For 14 years as a family we all struggled with his addiction and I as his Mum did everything I could to help him in the dark moments. People are so quick to judge and don’t have a clue, I wouldn’t expect them to but no one has the right to judge people with addiction. My ex best friend judged me…no longer a friend.
You are not alone, and no one judges anyone on here. It’s a long journey, but I have started to realise my son is at peace and no longer fighting his demons. I’m not sure if any of this has helped you, but keep messaging on here. I find doing a private daily journal helps and it’s part of my daily life xx
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Ty for all your kind words
To be honest, right now, I don’t know who I miss the most, my girl who died or my granddaughter who was taken from us,
11 months without both is heartbreaking
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@Birchwood i lost my son in January too, he was 35.
Alcohol played a very major role in our family as I grew up, my father was an alcoholic. He couldn’t give it up, it is something very difficult to stop and I don’t think there is enough help for alcoholics.
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I lost my son late October of this year. He was 31.
Alcohol robbed him of his life.
One week earlier he made a commitment to getting his health back.
He never got the chance.
He was the most amazing, intelligent, talented young man. He had so many friends and people who genuinely cared.
After his divorce, I think he gave up
He hid his drinking.
Worked late at the office, to avoid going home to an empty apartment. Once he got home I guess he started drinking
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@Laspen I’m sorry for the loss of your son, it’s very painful when your child passes before you. I’m still trying to get through it, I don’t think there’s any set way to grieve. Some days I feel sad but I’m functioning and then I crumble, it afffects us all differently. Alcohol is an addiction that is so hard to fight, your son was planning to try and get his health back and that was a positive. It hurts when they go too soon.
I’m so sorry for your loss, our daughter was 27, we lost her to suicide last July through her mental health, this is all illness people can be idiotic if they think a choice was involved, my daughter would have always chosen a normal, happy, healthy life but her demons had other ideas. They may be adults but when they’re suffering and hurting all you see is your little baby or your funny toddler, when they die you lose every part of that child because you’ve known every moment of them. Xx ignore those comments they come from people who have the privilege of not knowing the depth of grief you only get from losing a child. Sending you all my love, on a day I know everyone in this group will be happy to get through as quickly as possible. Xxx
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So sorry for your loss of your daughter. I lost my son in March 2023 through drugs. Today I feel like crap, one of my worst days I have had for a long time, the flashbacks to doing CPR, the noises of the machines in his bedroom, police etc. I really think it’s because a new year looms and makes me panic, he will always be with me whatever the day, date or year.
People are so quick to think they understand our situation…they don’t. No one understands what goes on in the background and how addiction affects the family. My son was always dealing with his demons, but had a good job, his own property etc.
I’ve lost friends over the last few months as I’m fed up with them saying they understand and I should get structure in my life.
Sorry rattling on, wish you and everyone a peaceful 2024.
I had so much positivity yesterday, today I have none, hopefully I will re group again xx
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There are 2 people missing from my table tonight, 1 is my baby girl who died, I can’t change that, the other is her baby girl, my granddaughter, taken by her cohersive, gaslighting father, 2 days after her mum died, has denied any contact for 11 months
Grief and anger collide, is not a good place
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MJG so sorry for the loss of your darling boy and I’m sorry you’re having a bad day. This is one of the things I’m struggling with, feeling functional 1 day and the next having moments of panic and tears, finding it difficult to look at her photo without getting huge surges of adrenalin flushing through me and panic breathing. It’s like your brain puts a veil over everything and you creep along moment by moment in a liveable haze and then some days that slips off and you spend all day addressing the stark reality of what has happened.
My husband and her partner had the initial trauma of doing the CPR/dealing with emergency services, my son and myself were at home, she was revived and was in ICU for 8 days before we had to make the decision she then became an organ donor.
We, like you have lost friends, ones who have spoken at length to other friends about what to do but have failed to make ANY contact with us and other ‘good’ friends that have texted and sent a card but haven’t made any contact for months and still haven’t come to see us. It’s so true what they say about knowing who your friends are, we also have friends that have gone above and beyond and held us up along the way.
I think it’s arrogant for people to say they understand if they’ve not experienced ‘this’ grief and as for the structure! some days it takes everything in me to just breathe and keep going for my son and husband.
Everyone on here knows this last week is awful for us all, be kind to yourself, today is one of those stark ‘unmasked’ days I had 1 yesterday, wallow in your grief, wrap yourself around it, we grieve big because we love big. Tomorrow is a new day, tomorrow you may be positive again, tomorrow you may think of better times, tomorrow you may re-centre yourself.
You think you rattle on! ha ha
Sending Big love and much peace for 2024 to you and everyone on here. xx
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