Lost and alone

People constantly tell me things will “get better”.
We have the rest of our lives to work on that!

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Hi yes I have seen a counsellor only a few days ago and it did help talking to him.But then it did not help the fact that as you say the finality of it all,the reality hits you all over again that you are alone ,the one who made your world go round has gone for ever,I cannot accept that I will never see my lovely Judith again.That is what hurts the most.So another long day to get through somehow,good luck to all on here and love and hugs,Michael.

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I hate waking up in this lonely empty house now,it holds nothing for me now that Judith is not here anymore.I sit here with my cup of tea still unable to accept the fact that she will never be with me again.It seems so unreal at times that after 32 years together she is suddenly gone.My brain cannot take it in and why do I feel sick all the time,this living hell just goes on and on ,when I am with friends I can talk to them about her but when I am alone again it all comes crashing down and I break down again into this mess of a man who has lost his beloved wife.Michael,

I find watching something light hearted on tv can allow my brain to rest for a short time. I hope your day is bearable x

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Bearable is the key word ,drift along in a kind of fog ,not knowing really where you are going or what you are doing.Just phoned Samaritans for a chat and it did help me ,lovely young woman listened to me for half an hour .Michael.

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I’m so pleased you did that!
We have to reach out for help, this is probably the most traumatic time in your life. Certainly is for me.
My councillor likened it to having had open heart surgery but not being stitched back up and then trying to carry on with life. She said over time the wound will begin to heel but sometimes may be re-opened x

I Don’t think people realise until it’s happened to them, you try your hardest each day to be normal, enjoying life enjoying your food, going to work, working your dog, cleaning up, talking to the kids but inside sometimes you’re screaming, I don’t want this I want it the way it was but it’s not and I think we beat ourselves up about it, I realised that I am different now the way I was with Michael is not the way I am anymore and I think we shouldn’t beat ourselves up about it, and I realise this morning after yesterday neighbours coming round asking and wanted to go for a drink in the town I realised it’s what they want it’s what you want, i’m not to beat myself up about not going, like l did yesterday……

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Well done Micheal luckily I have a family member to talk to but samaritans is an excellent option.The dark nights and Things like Christmas jollifications seem so removed from how we bereaved feel. I find a herbal sedative helps to to the edge off things but this is a long term grief, My best wishes to you

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Thank you for your reply,I agree with you this not the season to be jolly for a lot of us right now and it will not be jolly in my empty lonely house for a very long time to come.My best to you also.Michael.

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I think you are right in a way,we are different now and have to accept that but that is the hard part.Do what you think is right for you.I am not ready to socialise just yet,only been just over 6 weeks since my dear Judith passed away.Struggling with eating and sleeping at the moment,a stone and a half lighter as well.This so called new life we have been left is not to my liking now and ever.Take care Michael.

I’ve been waking up after 4 every morning and unable to get back to sleep. As suggested before, having the TV on helps to distract me from the constant chattering of my mind. However, it’s moment to moment, as it doesn’t take much for painful thoughts to rear their ugly head again. At present, I’m not interested in anything. I know that I’ll have to go back to work at some point and that causes me anxiety, even though my employer has been very understanding. Unfortunately I’m not the only member of staff that’s lost loved ones this year, so I guess they’re well versed in these matters. I haven’t left my house in days, but I’m going to try and take a walk later. Take care everyone and keep reaching out.

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Sharrona,I am so scared of the future at the moment,I wake in the early hours and cannot get back to sleep,so much running through my head after losing my dear wife just over 6 weeks ago to stage 4 bladder cancer.All the painful images of her suffering for 7 weeks in hospital keep flashing through my brain,then 4 days in the hospice where she sadly passed away in my arms,this is my living nightmare every day now.I cannot stop thinking about her,I miss her so much ,she was my world,my reason for being.Now at 76 what life is there for me alone in this empty house that used to be a home.I really do not want this life anymore.Take care Michael.

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Hi Sharrona,

I am so so sorry for your loss. It’s truly devastating. Although I did not loose a partner, my daughter aged 25 passed away 14 weeks. It was so sudden. Even now I have bad days and some terrible days. Grief is powerful and someone told me it’s like the weather the storm clouds come and then it rains and briefly the sun may come out. It is uncontrollably so go with it.

Be kind to yourself. Your emotions are so fragile. I too have lost parents and other relatives but the pain of loosing my daughter is like no other. We are all on this path of grief some are a few steps ahead and some are behind…… one step at a time.

Even though you don’t think you are doing Ok you are…your eating, sleeping and communicating. I never thought I would stop crying or eat. I still don’t sleep so well but you can’t have everything. Do go for that small walk, do contact the GP and do things that don’t require too much from you. I started crocheting and jigsaw puzzles. Learn to say No if you don’t feel like doing anything.

My thought are with you

MrsMac

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Lovely advice ,such a sad story as are so many on here.So many unhappy grieving people.Yes we are all on this terrible journey together.I lost my son to a car accident many years ago when he was 28 but losing my dear wife has hit more than that.Life can dump on you at any moment.My best to you all in pain.Michael

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You’ve described exactly how I felt after losing my romantic partner. I couldn’t stop crying and completely lost my appetite and I couldn’t sleep. I was in agony. I lost him 4 months ago. I am eating but the stress on my body meant my metabolism shot up and I’ve lost two dress sizes. You’re body is extremely stressed at the moment so what you’ve described is natural and I understand when you say “what’s the point” as the bottom of your world has fallen out. Take it hour by hour as best you can, sleep and eat when you want and buy yourself something expensive. Don’t be afraid or feel guilty about treating yourself to something nice. So sorry for your loss xxxxxxxxxx

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Yes looks like we are on the same page of this traggic story.You can’t eat or sleep properly,the pain all over,the sick feeling all day long,the crying ,the overwhelming sense of loss so hard to handle.I am struggling so much every day ,I long for the evening when I can close my bedroom door to the world and feel safe for a while.Turning into a hermit.Scary. Love Michael.

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My Partner died December 2020 I’m still in the pain stage not even the anger or the depression stage, I am waiting for counselling again just to help me get along and like most of you and I live in my bubble, It’s a feeling in your heart that hurts the most it’s though you can’t lift yourself out of this sadness, that follows you around all the time when you wake up you feel it when you going to sleep you feel it I keep waiting for the day when I wake up and I don’t feel that just feel maybe normal whatever normal is now,

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Sharrona I am so sorry for your loss. 3 weeks is such a short time, the worst time. You will be emotionally and physically exhausted. Be kind to yourself. It’s over 3 and a half years since my darling husband passed away, I still cry most days and I talk to him all the time and yes there are times when I shout but I know he didn’t want to leave me. He had dementia and I know he’s not frightened anymore, as he was,but although I too have friends and I am not lonely, as such, but I have never felt so alone. Unfortunately all of us who lose that special person walks this path, one step at a time.
Make sure what little you eat is nourishing and gives you comfort too, little and often. Take a short walk, breathe and know that your partner is always with you safely in your heart.

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Thank you for your kind words. I’m trying to manage as best as I can, but some days are worse than others. The cremation was a week ago today, so now I’m trying to cope with the fact that he no longer exists in physical form as well as spritual and it’s hard to comprehend. I feel like it’s groundhog day. Each day just blends into the next, with nothing happening to distinguish them. Endless thoughts about what has been and what could have been. I hope that one day I’ll be able to live with my grief and not be consumed by it. Take care.

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Yes it is the pain in your heart ,the sadness,each day is a living hell for me without Judith,hate this life now,we did everything together now being alone is not what I want ever.Michael.

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