Hi Jooles, Maybe, I shouldn’t have mentioned the second year! It did come from something like psychology today.
However, when my Dad passed away nearly 20 years ago, I found that I improved once I hit the 18 month period.
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I really don’t want to go to any funeral.
Are you feeling better now MaryL, after your hospital stay a week or so back?
Hi daffy. Don’t worry it’s something I have heard and read about a lot. I just cant imagine how it can get any worse. I feel very anxious today.
I’m coping well with work, looking after the house and looking after my daughter. I’ve also noticed that I’m better at getting into tv again particularly silent witness and that new david Tennant drama. For months I couldn’t imagine enjoying tv again as i used to sit and watch most things with mum.
However, I’m still unable to read books, my concentration levels are still not up to it. And more worryingly I cant accept social invitations.
I just got invited to an old friends 50th birthday drinks in london on feb 15th but I already know I wont be up to them. Mum was alive when I last saw these friends and they all knew mum. They will all be passing condolences and I know I will find it too upsetting.
Is anyone else the same?
I used to love a good get together and now I only meet friends on a 1 2 1 basis and even thats only for short durations and only a handful of times since mum died
If reminds me of when jooles went to the tribute act and came home crying but that was so soon after her mum had died. I’m still avoiding social situations 7 months down the line
I’m actually ok in social situations now. However if I drink too much. I always end up crying on my friends . However I’m not back at work fully. I don’t go out a lot. But I have my friends round my house. And I can cope with that. I also go round friends houses for drinks. But there is only always 4 of us. I have been to the pub with my husband and kids which I love doing. But going to work fully freaks me out. I worked with an agency and they no longer call me with work. So I just work 8 hours at the RAF youth centre which is paid. But seriously lacking in money at the moment.
I barely leave the house during the day.
Jooles
I fully believe that taking 3 months off then going back to work very slowly, saved my career.
I started on just 2 hours a day twice a week.
Over an 8 week period I gradually increased my hours and days until I was full time again in mid December.
Work has honestly saved me and I’m very lucky that I’ve been with my organisation for 17 years , they know me well, and I’ve never asked for anything before this.
You will get there jooles. Is there an option of increasing your hours with the youth centre?
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I’m happy to hibernate, as long as I get out for walks. Not sure I should be using the word happy! Gardening usually gives me pleasure once Spring starts. I’ve got an intricate probate to see to and until I get a feel for how that’s going, I’m not going to think about work. I’m taking time out to get over the shock of it all for now. I think if I started work I would not cope at the moment.
I will on occasion be helping my partner with his business, so it’s not totally escaping from it all. I just don’t want to add to the weight of it all.
Jooles, I hardy leave the house during the day either.
I am happy of course to embrace a nice day out, it’s just certain peoples company that I’m avoiding.
Hi Cheryl,
Concentration: came back so slowly. Probably at the same pace as you described. For tv, work, movies, even talking to people.
Social: same as you. Halloween is my favorite holiday - I skipped every single party in October. I can do one to one, and small gatherings now. Have avoided all bigger parties. I would probably not go to the friend’s party but eventually we do have to face it with those friends. I got a happy bday text from a college friend and so I had to explain what was going on but it was just on text so it was easier. Conversely, I ran into an old friend two weeks ago who had heard through the grapevine, when he said all the nice condolensces, I nearly lost it at my in-laws club in the restaurant in front of loads of people. If you are not ready, dont go. Just tell them you are still up and down with sadness and it will be too hard on you. They will understand.
Ell
Thanks ell
I think you are right. It will come back, just very slowly.
It is still early days for us all. I think we can probably write the first year off to be honest. If not the second bearing in mind daffys post.
Cheryl x
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I’ve just found a very short video of mum. Her voice is so clear. I thought I would burst into tears. But I felt numb. Stil feel numb. Just kept replaying it. Disbelief again. Not really believing she has gone.
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Cheryl I didn’t go to a friends 40th. I can’t do parties. Just small one to one or a few of us. I like a quiet drink in a pub. But could definitely not do a party
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Oh that makes me better.
I have only met friends individually so far.
Seems that this is pretty normal
Daffy
There is no reason not to use the word happy.
In amongst the constant sadness we have the right to feel happiness sometimes. This will be a terrible waste of the last 20 or 30 years of our lives if we arent going to be happy again. Our mums would be devastated that their deaths have affected us the way they have
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I’m new here and just wanted to say how amazing I think you all are. Read through the messages and love how supportive it is here and how much you all share
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Beck, Im glad you found us. How are you doing?
This lovely group has been a wonderful, kind and extremely supportive.
Aww thanks Daffy. I’m plodding on. Feel it’s all I can do. I found my dad dead in August and my world has fallen apart. He was only 50 and this wasn’t my plan at all. How are you? Xx
Hi Beck
Sorry to hear of your dad. That is way too young for both of you.
How are you and your family doing?
Ell
Hello everyone. Just been reading back through all the messages I’ve missed. It’s amazing that this thread has grown so long now!
Beck, welcome to the chat with some lovely people. Sorry to hear about Dad, that’s awful. You are in the right place here though.
I am finding work to be more of a distraction now than it was which is good. Concentration I see has been mentioned and I concur that it comes back slowly. I feel my life is more normal now, well a new normal anyway but that doesn’t mean I’ve over all this yet, not for a long time, just that I can function better than I was. Things like work are more satisfying and I feel less like I want to quit but it’s taken me until now to get to this point though. I’m also getting more enthusiastic about exercise again and that includes getting out for walks and wearing extra weight for the fun, sort of. That all said, I am expecting a bit of a bumpy emotional ride through 2020.
My mum’s house is currently being redecorated this and next week and I have to admit that with all her stuff removed, her smell gone and new paint going on, I’m feeling less emotionally attached to it. This definitely wasn’t the plan for this year but I have what I have and her house cannot remain as it was.
I can’t believe the end of January is fast approaching, what is going on with time?
I hope everyone is getting through their week ok.
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Hi guys and girls, how is everyone doing? Been a long hard few days x