Barrie1376, and everyone on this tread. When i got up this morning I forgot for 10 minutes that Mum’s no longer here, until i glanced at her chair. I’m miss our routine. I miss my life with her. So much is lost. When i think briefly how our day used to be - it brings me to tears now. It was just her and me for 20 years.
I realise we are all dealing with this terrible upsetting loss of our loved ones and I am not alone. x
Daffy
It’s a huge blow to our lives.
My mum has always been there for my daughter since the day she was born. Today I’m in london and due to something that has happened at work I wont be home till 5.45 pm.
My daughter normally meets me on the front doorstep at 4.15 but I wont be there so I’m ringing round the neighbours to see if anyone can have her for a while.
My mum would be horrified that we are in this position and I’m feeling really sorry for myself
I’m angry that mum left us to cope and it sounds childish but she has always been there for us simple as.
Cheryl x
Cheryl, It sounds like a stressful day. I hope you manage to get someone who can look after your daughter for a while. I read somewhere that anger is a part of grief.
I feel that mum’s life was robbed. I feel robbed too, by its unexpected sudden ending.
Mum and my own shared history, which nobody else would knows, appreciates or understands is lost, except in my memory. The scale of the loss is huge and also still very shocking. It’s still sinking in.
There is zero peace of mind. To the contrary. I think it will take a very long time to have any peace of mind. x
The loss of our loved ones leave such a gap, doesn’t it?
Barrie,
I hope by the time you read this that your ordeal will be over, at least the physical part.
I am sending my support.
MaryL
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Hi Daffy
Yeah when I wake in the morning it is a real struggle to get up. My mum was on oxygen for the last couple of years and when I get up I would walk downstairs and see her oxygen tube and be able to tell if she was in the Kitchen, Sitting room or bedroom. Now I walk downstairs and there is nothing.
I am trying to be strong for my dad as I do not want anything to happen to him, but it is so hard.
I agree daffy.
I must point out that my mum wouldn’t have considered anyone else looking after my daughter whilst she was alive. It would have been very sad if mum had somehow survived her injuries yet been unable to live the life she had been living, I.e independently and doing our childcare.
It would have been heartbreaking to have her sitting there paralysed and unable to do things for herself or us. Sometimes I am grateful she slipped away quickly and without knowledge
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MaryL, the loss seems to have just ripped half of ones life away. Somehow we’ve all got to plod on, grieve, heal and get used to this new reality.
I’m coming up to four months and it still feels totally unreal.
Barrie1376, My Mum used to always shout ‘good morning’ to me when i was half asleep and making my first tea of the day. I used to just want to quietly wake up. Oh… how i wish she could still call out to me now.
Sending a hug out today to everybody, as it’s all certainly not easy.
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I’m
Back in home in Cornwall after spending two days with dad in Bedfordshire. Who has literally held himself together for 5 months and has now finally succumbed to grief. My heart is completely broken for him , for me and for my mum who would hate to see this. Our family has been ripped apart. We also have a close relative in intensive care and I went to see him. Dad has been at the hospital every day. It’s given us awful flashbacks. I think dad and myself have a touch of PTSD. I have now got to be there for the kids who I haven’t
Seen for 3 days. But first I’m going to drink a glass or 4 of wine.
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Hi jooles,
Its heartbreaking what our lives have become.
My mum was only 53 when she lost my dad and she coped so well looking back. It’s hard when they are older and they have lost their partner of 50 odd years.
No one prepares us in life for the loss of our parents. We just wait our turn for it to happen and then we see how we cope.
I know I will never be the same again and I’m sure you wont but at least we have our partners and children.
I’ve had to leave my daughter with a neighbour tonight as I’m so late getting home from work. Mum would be so upset that she isnt there to look after her anymore. It makes me wonder why she didnt look after her health better. I suppose you just dont think it will happen to you.
8 more days and I can join you in those glasses of wine. I wouldn’t mind if I had lost loads of weight and was feeling great. I haven’t and I’m not
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Well here is yet another night when I am sitting wishing my mum was back home with us. Not being able to see and speak to her is just agony. I did however want to drop in a quick message. We were never a family where we took many photographs, apart from when on holiday, something mum could not do for a number of years due to her illness of COPD. How I now regret not just snapping away at anything, how I regret not sitting on the sofa and giving mum a cuddle. regrets, regrets, regrets, something we cannot do anything about now.
Mum would like the idea of using technology but she just could never get the hang of it. She would ask for a mobile and then once she had it would loose interest. I was sitting today thinking I wish I could hear her voice again and then I had an idea. Mum was getting very good at making use of home automation using Alexa, I wondered if any of those requests / commands were recorded by Amazon. After research I found they were, they are in Alexa History so I managed to retrieve them and save them to my PC, at least, even though they are short, I can hear my mums voice.
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Oh that’s fantastic barrie.
We weren’t big on photos either as a family but my daughter was always taking silly pictures and and videos on her phone. Now I’m grateful for those as I’ve got some lovely videos of mum. Only problem is I cant bring myself to watch them. It’s too painful but in the future I hope I can.
We have no videos and only a handful of photos of my dad who died in 1998. None of us used a mobile then. Well I probably had an old generation Nokia 5110 or something but no camera on them back then.
Tonight I am rubbing vaporub on my daughters chest and back as she has a stinking cold and it just reminds me of my mum. She was always doing that for us when we were unwell.
I miss being looked after.
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Barrie1376, fabulous that you found Alexia keeps voice recordings. I looked up Mum’s on the amazon site and there are quite a few recordings of Mums. I didn’t listen to any close to her death, as I thought that would be emotional.
I’ve got ask how did you download them to your pc?
Hi Daffy
- Open the Chrome web browser
- Go to https://alexa.amazon.com/
- Sign in
- Settings / History
- Press F12 (Developer Tools) choose the Network tab
- Play the recording and you will see info appear in the network window
- Right click, I think it is record or something similar and open in a new tab
- In the new tab window, right click and save the WAV file.
If you have problems, just PM me and I will try and help.
Barrie
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Thank you Barrie, I’ll try tomorrow to download them. It’s painful to listen to the recordings and also lovely to have them too.
It still feels all very raw. Mum and I were never ones to hug. I’d certainly hug her if I could now.
Hi Daffy
I know exactly what you mean and to be honest I really just downloaded them and saved them to my machine. I just did not want them lost. I did listen to one where my mum was looking forward to getting out in the garden and on the patio in the summer which brought a tear to my eye again. She only got to enjoy the new house for three months, why could she not have had longer.
Barrie
I know its the things our loved ones were looking forward to is hard. My Mum wanted a new conservatory for years and I kept on postponing it, as I don’t think they get a lot of use.
The conservatory is old and battered now. I will probably have to get a new one. It will be so dreadfully bitter sweet once it’s rebuilt.
I’m still feel in shock. I read from a good source last night that people can be in shock for a year. It can be the second year when things sink in. This was from a psychology page.
I’m upset this morning, Normally, it evening when i struggle.
Hi Daffy
- What is a conservatory?
- I have gone numb. I guess the brain can only take so much stress and then it anesthatizes (sp?). What you said about the second year is worrisome. I was at my friend’s dad’s funeral yesterday. I was just numb. I thought i would be a wreck. I was sad for her but not a mess.
Ell
A conservatory is a sun-room attached to a house. You get loads of sunlight in, but they can get far too hot.
Re: second year. Everybody is different and no two people will grieve the same way.
I’ve got to go to a funeral next week. I’m dreading it, as my Mum passed away under 4 months ago. It feels so raw still.
Hello you two,
I am very sorry that both of you have had to attend funerals, I have given up going to funerals. Since my Stan’s took place, I just couldn’t face going to one, both of you are very brave.
Blessings,
MaryL
I kept going numb too. Then have days where whoosh it hits me and chest hurts and my legs are heavy and shaky. I don’t cry as much but it’s definitely all going on internally. I don’t think I can cope with the second year being worse. But I have heard that too.