That’s lovely I’m so glad you did. I bet your mom was watching. Not only does it bring us closer to them but also shows them that we still feel their love x
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I’ve been using mums perfumes up since she died.im on the last bottle.
It’s been so hard nut I just couldnt throw them away.
I will never wear those scents or buy them again. When I catch a whiff of one particular perfume it feels like mum has just entered the room. I’ve probably done myself no favours
I think it’s so lovely and a real tribute to them. I wanted dad’s Saint Christopher necklace but I want to send it with him. He left me some Christmas money on the side so I’m going to buy a saint Christopher maybe on a bracelet or something just to continue our bond x
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Perhaps, the scent is helping you grieve?
I smell dad’s talc every time I see it. I can’t help it x
[quote=“Jooles45, post:57, topic:17979”]
Which is what I find most weird. That her life here is done. So final. It is that I can’t come to terms with.[/quote]
I struggle with many things but this is the hardest. The fact that she is not longer physically here. I can’t comprehend it. And if I think back I couldn’t comprehend it twenty years earlier when my Dad passed away.
The problem is it’s starker and I’m totally grief stricken this time around.
Definitely not daffy. I’m not good facing memories which us why mums wardrobe was cleared the weekend she died.
I prefer things out of sight and ive only got 1 photo up in the house of my mum and dad on their wedding day which is in her living room.
I had changed the curtains, cushions, candles and lamp standard in mums living room very quickly.
I’m a nightmare. I simply couldnt bring myself to waste mums perfume and throw it x
Agreed daffy. Its much worse when parent 2 goes.
We have lost our history, our roots and are now more aware of our own mortality. As awful as that sounds x
C1971, It sounds like it is healthier for you without the constant reminders around.
I spend some of the week at my partners, so i do escape Mum processions sometimes. Plus, I have my own space in the house without Mum’s items.
Yes me too although I am forcing myself to sit in mums living room sometimes to watch tv. I’m just trying to make it comfortable because it’s such a nice room.
It’s very painful though. I used to love sitting in there with her. I would enter the room with a glass of wine and her eyes would light up.
I really really cant fathom that she is gone.
Yours is so recent sam, you can still imagine your dad picking it up.
Mum is becoming a memory to me and I detest it x
Truly dreadful, the second time around. I looked after my mother, but we were part of each others foundation.
I have no children. I was an only child and once I’m gone our little family history dies. How we lived, as a unit. The memories will go one day, but I suppose it goes for all of us eventually.
My mother was only 21 years older than me. Overall, her life was easier than mine. I now question how i want to live the remaining time. That sounds gloomy. What I mean is where and the quality of life. I also wonder how much of it will be spent grieving, because I don’t think I’m going to coming to terms with Mum’s death quickly.
I’ve started to sit in Mum’s chair too. It’s easier than thinking she should be in it!
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A Saint Christopher sounds lovely. x
Daffy,
I think it’s normal to think about the rest of our life now our parents have gone. With my dad dying at 53 of a heart attack and my mum of a stroke at 74, I dont rate my chances much.
That sounds morbid but if it wasnt for my daughter I would be that bothered. However i was 36 when I had her and I want her to have a mum until she us in her forties at least which means I need to make some lifestyle choices. I’m dropping alcohol (at least for a month but then I’m watching my intake after that), I’m going to eat healthier and I’m going to start using my gym membership. I am terrified of suffering a stroke like my mum.
This grief, as you have pointed out alot is having a very detrimental effect on our health and I dont want my daughter to lose me young
I was laying in bed last night discussing life in general with my wife until about 2am. We were looking back over some good and bad times and contemplating the future and what our ultimate plans are when we both retire. I just hope we are healthy and both around by then. It was a real deep discussion and was good to have. I’m planning on losing weight starting imminently, we are supposed to be going skiing end of March. Mum was booked to come too, not for skiing but for enjoying herself and spending time with her granddaughter. I’ve just had to remove her from the booking which I hated doing. I’ve gone from having no interest with the holiday anymore to now, where we are determined the holiday is going ahead and that is a lot of incentive to get fitter. Not fit = possible injury and being worn out. I know that when we get to our holiday destination, it’s going to hit me again because we are returning to the same apartment that we used same time last year with my mum. She was a great babysitter but now we have to adjust what we can and can’t do.
Shaun
My mum did all my childcare from when I returned to work when my daughter was 11 weeks old. My mum was in her element aged 62 with a newborn to look after.
One of the worst things about what has happened is that I’ve had to find new childcare. Because I work shifts including nights this lady will be staying at my house at times and with my daughter when she gets up. I just want to scream no! My mum should be doing this!
But I have to keep my practical head on. I need childcare and my mum isnt there to do it anymore.
The dynamics in our house have changed so much. We didnt go anywhere without inviting my mum and often my daughter would opt to stay with her nan.
You are probably feeling the same way
The scent thing is interesting. When I started clearing out mums house, whenever I entered the house I could smell her familiar smell and I wondered if it was the house creating the smell or her living in it. Well, as I gradually removed stuff, the smell faded and yet in my loft I noticed a new smell for a while. It suddenly hit me one day the source of the house smell. The reason? Dust. All mums things which had been sitting on shelves or picture frames on the wall had collected dust in her house. We all know what dust consists of so it should not be a surprise about the scent. For a while I became obsessed with wiping my finger over an item I have in storage because it smelled like she was there. the scent was intense. I guess it consisted of her perfume she used to use and deodorant. I’ve stopped doing it because I’d rather have her than her smell as it was just making me sad.
Cried today after getting the car washed. Can you believe it. Was imagining dad saying bloody hell you’ve got the car cleaned. Walked in the house and he wasnt there x
Sam
This will happen for ages yet. I’m not used to my mum gone from the house.i can still imagine her cling out to me from the kitchen when I put my key in the front door. You only lost your dad a little over a week ago and have lived with him all your life.
Of course we can believe it
Calling out